It's a Wonderful Life
by LisaDouglas
Summary: Bob resents an unexpected blessing. Part II in a series.
1. It's about Emily

Chapter One- It's about Emily

"Do you think this is crazy?" Emily laughed.

Weeks had passed since Howard and Ellen almost got divorced and Bob and Emily had their terrible fight. Both couples were happy again, blissfully so in Howard and Ellen's case and seemingly so in Bob and Emily's. Emily was still upset with Bob he just didn't know it.

The girls were growing and it suddenly seemed like they had very little space in the apartment. Bob was frustrated with this, but still refused to move no matter what Emily said. Given this, Emily thought it was time to bring her plan, one she'd made more than a year before, into execution: force him to have to move.

"What is crazy Emily?" Ellen asked. She'd come over for coffee while her husband and twin sons slept next door.

"I'm thinking about trying to get pregnant again."

"Emily, the girls are two, three and four!"

"I know, I know but…we've got so little space. Ellen its like the bigger the girls get the space we do have is shrinking and shrinking…and he won't move and I'm thinking maybe, just maybe if I give him a fourth little mouth to feed he'll break down and concede to buying a house…we can't fit another baby in that den and he won't want to share a room with it, at least not for very long so…"

"Emily, that logic is terrible…but it could work. Trouble is do you really want to have another one?"

"I don't know I…I could live with that. I have one name I didn't use still."

"What is it?"

"Lauren." She'd thought carefully about this.

"Lauren!" Ellen loved it.

"Yeah! I know, I love it too. Lauren Ellen Hartley."

"Ha! Emily you wouldn't."

"I would. The only trouble is Bob: he'll notice right away if I'm trying to get pregnant. We tried for Meghan for a long time he knows my habits."

"If you tried for years; how'd you get three in three?"

"Hard work!" She joked, "Well, we tried for a long time and then all three girls were such surprises. Molly was a total accident..." She reflected. "And this one...gee you know what, now I'd really like one." Ellen laughed at this.

"You know uh…" She'd been dreading telling Emily this because she knew it would hurt so much. "Howard and I are getting serious about the buying a house thing. I know we told you before…we were thinking then, but now we're really looking." Ellen surprised herself. Even she was beginning to like that idea. They'd wanted something that could bind them together, even more so than marriage and children: they figured a house was the answer.

"Oh." Emily was taken aback.

"I've been trying to figure out how to tell you Emily." Ellen wished she wouldn't have said anything and could tell that this really hurt Emily a lot.

"Congratulations."

"Emily I'm sorry I shouldn't have…"

"No, no. It's not right for me to be jealous."

"Emily you need a house it's not right."

"I know." She sighed.

…...

"Emily, are you okay?" Ellen asked at breakfast the next morning. The girls were still in their bedroom and Bob had not come out yet. Ellen came over by herself to borrow some syrup and sit with Emily for a minute.

"I don't know…I just feel so sick this morning." She said, joining her sister-in-law at the kitchen table. Ellen smirked.

"Gee you sure work fast. Just the next morning…"

Emily looked up suddenly from the cereal.

"No… Wait. What day is it?" Emily got up and rushed to the calendar she kept on the bookshelf.

"Emily what?"

"It's the fifteenth, right?"

"Emily. It's April 3rd…"

"Ellen."

"What is it?"

"Ellen I'm," Emily laughed. "I'm a month late."

"Oh?...Oh!"

"Oh is right." She said, sinking back down into her chair and running her fingers carefully through her hair. "Ellen. I'm pregnant!" Emily choked as they heard a loud thud. The sisters-in-law turned quickly to see Bob on the floor behind them.

"Bob!" Ellen and Emily got down on their knees and worked quickly to revive him. Emily cradled his head in her arms carefully.

"Bob, Bob, honey wake up!"

"What, what, where am I?"

"Honey you fainted, you're alright."

"I fai-fai-why did I faint?"

"Emily just told me she was pregnant." Ellen announced. She liked to aggravate her big brother sometimes.

"What?!" He burst.

"Bob I…I think I'm having a baby." She hadn't anticipated he'd be so upset.

"Why?"

"Bob, your sister's right there…"

"No I mean, why do you think you're pregnant?"

"Well Bob, I woke up sick this morning, and I've had three babies, believe me I know morning sickness…and I'm many weeks late. What else could it be honey?" Bob replied by dropping backward onto the floor once more.

…..

"Are you alright?" Emily asked as they sat down to breakfast. Ellen had taken the girls home with her and left Bob and Emily to talk.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked.

"Yeah Bob, I'm very sure." She reassured and he sighed. "Please tell me how you feel?" She was worried now.

"It's just that…Emily. We've been doing this baby thing for five years. We were just about to be done with diapers and cribs and feedings which is great because it was never really us in the first place…well it was never really me."

Emily dropped her fork with a loud clang and looked up at him speechless. That was one of the most hurtful remarks anyone had ever made to her.

"Bob I uh….you don't love our girls?" She didn't know how he couldn't.

"Of course I do. A-and very, very much." He thought he loved his daughters more than Emily now…well in a different way than he loved her. "I just, I-I didn't think I was doing this again." He confessed and Emily sighed. "I don't want to do this again." He continued calmly. She looked up at him with big, sad blue eyes, and couldn't help feeling betrayed.

"Bob? What do you mean by that?"

"That I don't want to have another baby."

Emily froze for a second, it wasn't like her for emotion to carry her away, but she was devastated. She thought they were supposed to be in everything together, for better or worse. It didn't' matter if she thought this was for better and he thought it was for worse…they were a team, right? Emily felt a little guilty that she'd planned on doing this. She had no idea he'd be this upset. She thought he'd just accept their baby because she was just that: their baby. At the same time, she knew her current pregnancy wasn't planned: just like the first three, and she had no reason to feel guilty. This was as much his doing as hers, in fact, maybe more now that she thought of it.

"Well you're having another one: so too bad, deal with it!"

"E-Emily it's too much."

"Too much?"

"Four is too much."

"You and I both came from a family of three. Four's just one more."

"But Emily, three's not what it was when we were kids. Three now is four then." He reasoned.

"Then what Bob? Do you want me to get rid of one of the ones we have?"

"No!" He thought this was outrageous. "Of course not Emily, I just..."

"Then what, do you want me to do?"

Bob froze for a moment. Presently he didn't know what he wanted her to do.

"Emily. Meghan is going to go to kindergarten in the fall. You know how freeing that was going to be? What a big step it was for our little family…and now for us to all be catapulted back into baby world."

"Well Bob, if that's the way you feel about it…" Emily felt like this was a slap in the face. It was almost as if he was refusing to take responsibility for this baby.

"Yes Emily that's the way I feel about it…where are you going?"

"Out."

"But, y-y-"

"But what Bob?!" He could tell that she was both livid and about to cry. "I'm pregnant, I feel lousy and you've crushed me, I'm going out!" Emily grabbed her coat and slammed the door, leaving Bob in a total daze.

…

Emily decided to go to the park, where she often took the girls to play, to try to get her head on straight. What was she supposed to do if Bob didn't want to have this baby? She just couldn't believe that he'd reacted to her news that way. It was surreal. Sure sometimes he would get really upset and let her know his preferences about something in a way that was less than kind…but this was a baby, it was different than say a couch or choice of wall paper. Emily sat down on a bench overlooking the playground and began to dry her tears. She'd started crying as soon as she'd left the house. What was more upsetting to her was that Bob hadn't run after her. The fact that he hadn't pulled her into his embrace and tried to make the tears stop made her feel like she was all alone in this and that hurt.

Emily was surprised that so many people brought their kids to the park that early in the morning when it was so cold outside. She kind of wished she had the girls with her; on the other hand she needed to be alone and wished that a solution would come speedily to her mind. Emily sighed and watched life go on all around her, noting that everything seemed to flow on a continuum. Spring was coming and she could tell the trees were fighting to grow tiny green leaves. Emily smiled, remembering that there was a time and place for everything and that everything sorted itself out in an orderly time.

Still, she couldn't believe Bob had been so upset about the baby. He'd been so happy about Meghan and Bridget, a little less so about Molly, yet he'd been supportive…she just couldn't understand why he was livid now. Very suddenly the thought was too much for Emily and her hand went to her stomach when she felt a sharp pain.

"Uhhh." She winced.

"Are you alright?" Asked the woman had been sitting on the bench next to her. She had a baby of her own in her arms and a little girl about Bridget's age playing a few feet away.

"Uh-yeah. I think." Emily paused, beginning to get up. "Ah!" She cried again, just because the pain was so pronounced in that instant.

In one horrifying moment, Emily realized she was not all right and almost fell back onto the bench. She panicked at the thought that her pain wasn't all that different from a contraction. Then, everything started to fade a little bit. Life around Emily got blurry, kind of like when you're trying your best not to fall asleep, but dreamland is too powerful and just sucks you in. Except now, Emily could feel every ounce of her strength draining out of her and she clung desperately to consciousness. In reality, Emily's passing out only took a matter of seconds, but the sheer panic she endured made it feel like it took forever.

…

"Morning Bob." Carol said cheerfully as he got off the elevator. He merely glared at her and took the stack of mail she handed him.

"Hi Carol."

"What's wrong with you?"

"I'm having a baby." He told her blandly.

"Oh you're…Oh my gosh! Bob a baby!" Carol burst, getting up and following him into his office. "Bob that's wonderful!"

"N-not really Carol. Emily and I just got into a huge fight over it."

"Oh?" Carol was saddened to hear this but wanted to know every little detail. She was about to ask more but was interrupted by the phone ringing. "Bob, I'll be right back! Don't move!"

Bob just stood there and blinked as he began going through the mail. He didn't want to talk about this. And while his feelings hadn't changed, he felt horrible about his dispute with Emily. Maybe he'd bring her roses home after work. Yeah, that was it, roses.

"Bob!" Carol burst.

"What?!" He asked, knowing something was wrong immediately. He dropped the mail and rushed back to her desk. Carol had a tear running down her cheek. "C-Carol?"

"It's for you." She extended the phone to him. "It's the hospital…it's about Emily."


	2. For Lauren

Chapter 2- For Lauren

"Emily, Emily, Emily." Bob soothed. Emily opened her eyes slowly to see her husband running his fingers through her hair. Everything was still blurry and he came into her vision as her eyes began to focus.

"Wh-what happened?!" She asked, almost whispering.

"Shu, just relax Emily it's okay. You're fine. You're in the hospital."

"Huh? Bob what happened why am I in the…"

"There was a problem with the baby you almost just had a miscarriage."

"What!" She panicked, opening her blue eyes wide now.

"Emily, calm down, getting upset isn't going to help anything."

"Bob. Is she going to be okay?" Emily choked back tears. She didn't care that he didn't want the baby. In that instant, the baby was all she cared about.

"You got here just in time." He reassured. "And baby's still inside you, and just perfect." He smiled. "Can you hear her little heartbeat?" He asked.

Until Emily had woken up, the sound of the baby's heart beating had been overwhelming for Bob as it mixed with a complete and awkward silence, almost seeming to judge him for the attitude he'd had that morning.

"Yeah." Emily whispered, closing her eyes. "Bob what…" She asked, he leaned down and kissed her stomach very gently.

"Oh Emily. I'm so, so sorry." He began, taking her hand. "Please find a way to forgive me for not wanting our baby. It was despicable of me too…"

"Yeah Bob, it was." She said, feeling strange about his sudden apology. Had his attitude almost led to her loosing the baby? She thought so. That made her hate him a little.

"I brought the baby a present." He continued, even though he'd yet to receive forgiveness. He'd bought it at the gift shop as she slept.

"You did?" Emily raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Here, go ahead, open it." He handed her a small box.

"Oh Bob it's beautiful."

It looked, from the outside as though he'd put some consideration into this. It was a pretty little blue box with pink ribbon and a name tag….almost identical to the one she'd brought him while she was expecting Meghan. She smiled, touched that he'd remember like this, and sat up with his help to open the present.

"Open it Emily."

"Oh Bob, it's tiny little baby shoes!" She cried. "They're just like the ones I got you when I told you I was going to have Meghan." He'd remembered in detail.

"I know. T-that was the point Emily. I'm so sorry for what I did. I want badly to be this baby's Father…oh and uh read the name tag Emily, you uh, you forgot that." She'd neglected it, supposing that it said _For Emily_ or something to that effect.

"For Ms. Lauren Ellen Hartley." She smiled.

"Yeah. For Lauren."

"Oh Bob this was so sweet."

"Honey are you okay?"

"Yeah, I feel fine. Are you okay?" She didn't think he was.

"I'm fine. And we're in this together. I promise."

"Oh Bob this is so sweet." She whispered, a tear coming to her eye.

"You don't need to cry."

"Oh yes I do."

"No you don't." He said, hugging her as she cried in his shoulder. "I was just being a jerk." He soothed.

Bob had made the apology because it was the right thing to do. But on the inside…on the inside, he still really wanted no part of this.

….

"Mommy!" Meghan squealed when she saw her mother come back in the house after two days of not seeing her and having very little explanation of where she was. Meghan ran to her Mom with open arms.

"Hi my loves, I've missed you!"

Emily smiled, getting on her knees to hug Meghan, Bridget and Molly. The three young girls had been very distraught by their mother's sudden absence and were overjoyed that she was home.

"You're home!"

"Yes Bridget honey, I'm home."

"Where were you Mommy?" Meghan asked.

Bob and Emily exchanged glances. They'd had a long talk about what to tell the girls. They hadn't been sure at first; but had just decided that telling them what had happened was the best thing they could do.

"Come on girls, lets, lets give Mommy some space." Bob urged. He picked Molly up and walked toward the couch.

"We'll all go sit on the couch and I'll tell you what happened."

"Are you okay?" Meghan was concerned and got as close to her mother as she possibly could. She loved Mommy more than anyone or anything.

"Yes sweetheart. Mommy's fine."

"Then what happened?" Bridget's eyes were huge.

"Mommy?" Molly asked.

"We want to tell you there's nothing to be worried about. First of all." Bob said.

"That's right. Girls, Mommy was in the hospital for a couple of days." Meghan and Bridget gasped at this.

"Mommy…"

"And that's because we found out that Mommy's going to have another baby." Bob explained.

Meghan and Bridget squealed at this. Bob was happy they weren't upset, but for obvious reasons, he wished that they wouldnt've been quite this excited. Emily could still lose this baby. On the other hand, he observed that Molly was confused, upset or something. He wasn't sure what, and that wasn't good news either. He held her close, hoping in the subtlest of ways, to let her know she wasn't being replaced.

"There's going to be four of us!" Meghan considered.

"Yes angel." Emily answered. The idea that there were soon to be four of them made Bob nervous.

"Will she look like us?" Bridget inquired.

"Bridget. Don't you think we should give the baby a chance to be a little boy? Daddy's the only boy in our house, and as long as we're getting a new person, I think that it should be another boy." Emily pointed out.

"You want a boy?!" Meghan was almost offended.

"Where will he sleep?" Bridget followed.

"Um, that's the thing girls…we're going to move." Bob explained. "You're getting bigger anyway and we need more space."

Emily smiled, barely believing her plan had actually worked.

"And we're hoping that maybe you won't have to be in the same room together anymore; the three of you." Emily added.

The girls had never before considered having their own rooms and didn't like the idea. They stared up at their parents for a few moments as they silently considered this concept.

"So if it's a girl. We'll split you up. Bridget and Meghan you'll stay together. And Molly, you'll be with your new baby sister, doesn't that sound like fun my angel?" Emily finished.

Molly didn't like this idea most of all. She was greatly comforted by sharing a room with her older sisters and always had been. She turned around and buried her face in her Father's shirt, confirming his fears about her feelings.

"Daddy." She groaned.

"Sweetheart, it's okay." He soothed.

"What's the baby's name?" Bridget asked.

"Lauren if it's a girl." Emily began. "And Robbie if it's a boy."

"Wauren, Wobbie." Molly gave a sigh as she considered this, half her thumb still in her mouth. She was scared, she understood that she was going to be a big sister too and wanted to stay the baby of the family.

"Yeah. Lauren and Robbie." Bob finished, noting that while Emily apparently wanted to give the baby every chance at being a Robbie, she never ceased to call her Lauren.

….

Bob sighed as he walked into the den/nursery that his three daughters shared. It was Saturday morning and the girls slept soundly, unaware that their Father was watching them. Meghan, of course, had her sleep mask on so nothing could possibly disturb her. Bridget had fallen asleep cuddling her teddy bear. And his youngest, Molly, who had just transitioned from a crib to a bed, was presently almost falling out of her bed. Other than watching his daughters, he noted that there was no way they could fit another bed into that room or even a crib. He couldn't believe that he was finally going to have to move. He never wanted to move…

The sudden sounds of Emily's morning sickness brought him out of his thoughts and he realized she was awake. He hated morning sickness, it always made him feel like such a jerk, even when he didn't want the baby. Feeling bad, he went to make sure she was alright.

"E-Emily are you okay?" He inquired, knocking on their bathroom door.

"Oh Bob I feel awful." Emily groaned as she opened the door.

"Can I do anything for you?" He asked, following her back into their bedroom.

"No, no honey, I'll be fine soon." She reassured.

"You sure?" He asked. She nodded.

"Yeah. My morning sickness with Bridget makes this one look like a walk in the park Bob." She groaned, placing her head in her hands.

"Oh-yeah." He still felt bad about that.

"The one thing I'm worried about is my back. Remember how much pain I was in when I was pregnant with Molly, you know, toward the end?"

"Well remember what the doctor said about that." He reminded. "That' you'd gained too much…"

"Bob are you trying to say that I was fat?!" She snapped.

"Well she did weigh almost three pounds more than Meghan and Bridget did. You know I-I think as long as this one doesn't have the appetite Molly did, you'll be fine." Emily continued to glare at him for calling her fat. "Emily uh. We should start looking soon."

"For what? For food cravings?" She was mad and sick of the fact that everything seemed to cause a fight between them.

"For uh, for a house."

"Oh." Emily smiled. "I'd love that."

"I was thinking we could even go today, i-if you wanted."

"That sounds wonderful." She smiled. "And I'm sorry for snapping."

"Actually Emily, that's, that's something we need to talk about."

"I know." She said.

"It's not fair to the girls or the baby…or even to us that everything seems to be causing us to fight all the time."

"Oh Bob I know." She lamented.

"A-and I hope," he began, taking her hand, "that you and I can make a bigger effort to be grown ups a-about this, especially me since I'm the one who hasn't been very grown up about it."

"Thank you Bob." She whispered and smiled.

"I'm sorry for treating you so badly about getting pregnant again. I mean heck it's not like you planned it."

Emily gulped when he said this trying to remember that she hadn't planned this baby, even though she was planning on planning one.

"Apology accepted." She said smiling nervously.

Bob smiled, finally releaved of the heavy load on his heart.

"Okay." He said, feeling like he was beginning again where he should've started in the first place. "Where do you want to look for a house?"

He watched Emily for a moment as she paused. She held up her finger, waiting for him to wait a minute before she covered her mouth, ran back into the bathroom and slammed the door.

"Okay, that just about answers my question." He said to himself.

…..

Bob and Emily exchanged nervous glances as they waited for Martha Hartley to answer the door. She was going to watch the girls for a couple of hours while they looked for a house. That much Martha knew. What Bob and Emily were most anxious about was telling her their baby news and they figured there was no time like the present to do it.

Molly sucked on her thumb anxiously and refused to let go of her Mother's hand as they walked into the house. Bridget did the same with Bob and Meghan followed her Mother.

"Mommy where you go?" Molly asked. Emily smiled, noting that her eyes were huge and that she looked scared.

"Sweetheart. Mommy's just going out for a while with Daddy." She kissed the side of her two-year-old's head, she found her incomplete little sentences just adorable.

"Why?"

"To find a new place for us to live. Remember?"

"Ooh!"

Emily smiled. "Be good for Grandma, okay Molly."

"Sonny, Emily, you know I'm always happy to have the girls, but what's this about?" Martha asked, taking Bob and Emily into the kitchen with her to have some tea, they'd left the girls in the living room.

Bob smiled, in order to reassure his wife and took her hand.

'Well Mom we're uh, we're finally going to buy a house."

"That's right." Emily said.

"Oh!" Martha was delighted and thought they should've moved years ago. "What brought this on?" She also thought it was very sudden and immediately knew there was more to the story.

"Well Mom, we just got some news."

"Some uh-some really big news." Bob continued.

"Oh?" Martha questioned, beginning to pour them some of the tea she'd made prior to their arrival.

"Yeah. Some news." Emily smiled at Bob again.

Martha raised an eyebrow, wondering what could be making them act this way. They were being extra affectionate toward each other, almost as if they were really not getting along, but pretending to for the sake of survival or something. And weirder, they were incredibly nervous…at least they seemed to be.

"Mom." Bob began. "We just found out we're having another baby."

"Another baby?" She questioned. This was certainly not the news she was expecting.

"We're pregnant." Bob and Emily laughed. Martha could tell they were happy, or doing a good job of trying to convince her they were, but she had her own reservations about this news.

"Oh Emily, don't you think you're a bit too old to have a baby now?" She questioned. She couldn't imagine having a baby when she was Emily's age.

Bob and Emily were shocked by this question and exchanged surprised, and somewhat offended glances. It was something they hadn't even considered, at least to Emily's knowledge. She'd never before thought of herself as being too old to have a baby and the suggestion was kind of shocking. How could she be too old when she had three tiny girls in the next room? No body had said anything about her having them when she had.

"M-Mom, you're always the one talking about wanting Grandchildren!" Bob was baffled. He didn't really want this baby and even he was offended by this. She wasn't too old to have a baby!

"I know but Emily's over forty!" Martha charged.

….

Bob was nervous as he watched Emily. Her arms were folded and she looked angry, she wouldn't look at him and instantly knew she was deeply offended.

"Honey, honey I don't think you're too old to have a baby." He comforted as he drove.

"Well it was a stupid comment. Molly's only two. How can I be too old for a baby when my youngest is two?"

"S-see, it's a dumb comment. But you have to remember she was a very young mother…"

"I mean I wasn't aware my ovaries had an expiration date stamped on them by my mother-in-law." Emily rolled her eyes. "And you were older than this when Meghan was born, she didn't have a problem with…"

'Well that's just the point Emily, or part of the point." While Bob disagreed with his mother's point of view there was a degree to which he understood it.

"Hum?" She asked, shooting him a confused glance.

"It may not be true for you Emily, but I'm too old to have another baby."


	3. Dr Hartley finds his Dream House

Chapter 3-

_**July 1982**_

"Bob what if we don't find something soon?" Emily asked.

She was depressed. She sat in the car next to him caressing her stomach absentmindedly…she was worried too. This had become a familiar scene in the last few months. Bob was used to spending his weekends driving around with his pregnant, anxious wife looking for a place to live and coming up empty every time. He seriously missed a little something society called the weekend, something he'd previously thought was about relaxation. He was missing out on time doing weekend things, important things like: golf with Jerry, catching up on reading, running, playing with the girls, and having quiet evenings with Emily.

Instead, everything was about this house thing, which was exactly why Bob hadn't wanted to buy a house in the first place. He thought homeownership would be far too time consuming. He hated to have every weekend taken up by some ridiculous chore, like mowing a lawn. And then there was the money. They had four colleges to save up for, why buy a house? If anything, he assured himself that the house would be a money pit.

"Emily we'll find something honey; I promise." He said, taking himself out of his own thoughts, and reassuring her on something he didn't want to be reassured on.

"Are you sure you don't want to move to the suburbs….?" Bob raised an eyebrow at this question. Emily'd been asking this lately and he didn't consider himself a good candidate for suburban living.

"If we do then how do we get to work Emily?"

"It's Chicago; the train goes out there too Bob." He sighed.

"I'm a city person Emily." He reminded.

"Then what about all those times you suggested we move to the country?"

"T-that's not the same thing. Suburbia is completely different."

"I don't know. Maybe if we lived in suburbia, our five-year-old daughter wouldn't be so interested in fifteen year old girl things."

Bob paused; maybe she was right about that. Emily was hopeful that a house, with more space to play would divert Meghan's attention to five-year-old things instead of grown up women things like boys and makeup, her newest interests.

"Emily; we'll find a place, I promise. And we'll straighten Meghan out: I promise that too."

"Oh I hope so. She's a good little girl. I wish she were just a little bit less curious about big girl things…are you sure about the white picket fence?" She asked again of the suburbs as he parked the car. They were in front of another potential house, one that didn't seem at all promising to either one of them.

"Emily, again I'm a true city-person. I love it here."

"But Bob…we might not be able to get what we need here."

"Emily it's ridiculous. Our jobs are here, our friends are here…"

"Look." She sighed. "I know that you liked the life we had before I ever got pregnant. Sometimes I think I wanted kids and you didn't."

"Emily we wanted three. Remember? Just three kids. That was the deal." He reminded. She sighed.

"We wanted three, but things happen."

"Emily, I…"

"Look." She said sharply. "I'm sorry your not Mr. yuppie-progressive-no kids living in a high rise anymore but your about to be a father of four and that's just the way it is. If you don't like it, then have that little operation we talked about, stop sleeping with me or maybe its just time we call it quits."

Bob was floored. He couldn't believe she'd suggested that.

"Emily I'd never want to call it quits with you. No matter what. A-and I didn't have that operation because I wanted another chance at having a son." He hated admitting that part because it made him sound like a hypocrite, but it was true. "And I-I love you too much to stop enjoying every aspect of my life with you, even if that means becoming the father of four. I'm sorry."

"You know Bob, we could afford that extra bedroom or that den if you hadn't squandered the baby's money." She considered as he helped her out of the car. She decided she'd rather rub salt on the wound than forgive him and give it a chance to heal. She and the baby suffered everyday because of the things he was saying, so she figured giving him a taste of his own medicine was the least she could do.

By baby's money, she was referring to the money he'd invested with Jerry and Mr. Carlin almost six years earlier. It was a savings fund he and Emily had started to save up for having children. Bob had gone in with Jerry in an investment of Mr. Carlin's, thinking that it would never have any other use after several years of trying for a baby and as far as Bob knew, failing. As irony would have it, Emily found out she was going to have Meghan not two days later. Now, Bob and Emily were finding they couldn't afford a place as big as they needed without the money they'd been saving just for this kind of thing.

"Emily what, we only need three bedrooms, sure four and a den would be nice but…"

"Oh you know that's what we need. Remember Bob. Four teenaged girls at one time."

Bob's breath caught in his throat, he hadn't though of this possibility before. Three teen girls were going to be frightening enough, but four? Bob slowly looked over at Emily as they walked into yet another house. Many months had passed since they began looking and Emily's stomach was now the size of a basketball.

"Bob, that's the other thing, if it's a boy we'll need that extra bedroom." Emily commented. 'Ha! A boy. Fat chance.' He thought to himself.

"Oh is it your first? First babies are so exciting." The real estate agent asked when she'd overheard them. This question gave Bob and Emily a moment of pause. They hated this question and got it all the time when house-hunting. Usually it made them start arguing.

"Oh, no, no this is our fourth." Emily corrected with a simple laugh.

"Yeah, yeah our fourth and bound to be our fourth girl too." Bob muttered once they'd talked with the woman and gone off in their own direction to look at the house.

Emily felt hurt. She knew it was certainly another baby girl and that he was disappointed because he wanted a son…but did he have to keep crushing her spirit just when she was beginning to feel alright? It was why these last five months had been the most miserable in her marriage. They couldn't stop fighting and Emily was desperately searching for a way out of the arguing.

"Well I do find out in two weeks." She reminded.

"Why find out, you and I both already know it's a girl. Oh this isn't going to work." He commented of the house.

"Yeah, I know, yet another one." She paused to look around at the bedroom they were in, it was too small for two little girls to share, that was for sure. "Oooh"

"You alright?"

"Yeah, just a kick honey. I'm starved." She informed.

"Okay, come on. I think your right. Lunch is a good idea." He sighed and took his tired wife's hand in his own.

…..

"Look." Elliot began. "I-I know you're mad at me Mr. Hartley."

Bob sat and listened quietly. He'd not said much to Elliot, comparatively speaking, in the last few months. Bob had been very cold and distant toward Mr. Carlin ever since he'd found out that he and Emily had gone to that reunion together when he was out of town.

"So again, I'm sorry about the whole thing. Making her go with me, I'm not sure she told you that I really didn't give her a choice or room to breathe. I pressured her into it. I'm sorry for telling a couple of hundred people she was my wife, that she'd been in a Playboy centerfold…" Elliot paused when he said this part, he could tell this was the aspect of it that angered Bob most and he could understand that.

"Mr. Carlin. We've-we've been together a long time. I'll forgive you eventually.—" Bob considered, beginning to scratch his head.

"No. Dr. Hartley. I wanna do something to make it up to you. Are you still looking for that house?"

"Yeah." Bob was surprised that he'd asked. In that moment, he realized Elliot was probably the man he needed to speak to about this and he hadn't thought about it before because he was mad at him. Bob was surprised to see Elliot smile.

"Well." He said, pulling a checkbook. "Remember that investment you made…you know, the one that got you in trouble at home."

"T-the baby's money?" He clarified.

"Yeah. When you invested your kid's money." Elliot began. He'd thought up this plan, partially in the hope that it might make Emily forgive him too even though he thought she had a long time before. "My company has a new project I think you'd be very interested in. It's in your neighborhood."

"Mr. Carlin, I really can't make another investment now. And it's your hour, we could do this over lunch or something."

"This is concerning your old investment and its fine. I'll take you to see it over lunch."

"T-to see it?"

"My company has a nice new investment not far from your place. In fact, you've probably seen it. It's a quiet street, tree-lined, not far from the lake." Bob listened carefully as Elliot continued. "We're revamping this entire neighborhood full of old row houses. They're big, they're modern… "

"I've seen those. They're really nice." Bob considered. In truth, he and Emily liked the row houses and thought they could never afford one.

"Now let me guess. You and Emily have been all over Chicago looking for something big enough for you and four little brats, er kids…and all you have left is the suburbs, right?" Bob nodded nervously.

"Perfect." Elliot smiled and began to write something down in the checkbook.

"W-what are you doing?" Bob asked, this was making him super nervous.

"I told you I wanted to make it up to you. Come on, we're going to go and get you a house."

"Mr. Carlin, I think that's a little overboard don't you?"

"Overboard? I'm just making a sale. This is your money! Your initial investment, plus the interest it's gained should make a great down payment."

Bob was stunned and watched with a blank look on his face as Elliot wrote out a check and loudly tore it from his checkbook. Mr. Carlin got up and began to walk toward the door.

"Come on Hartley, we don't have all day. And I don't want your wife to mad at me, uh you anymore." He urged, walking out of the office. Bob sighed, told Carol to take messages and followed Elliot into the elevator.

…..

"Emily!" Bob called when he walked into the house. He was surprised that no one seemed to be around and was instantly a little worried. "Em…oh there you are." He said when she came out of the girl's bedroom with a basket full of laundry. She said nothing because there was a half eaten doughnut stuck in her mouth.

"Hi honey." She said when she put down the basket of laundry.

"What uh, what are you doing?"

"Well, Ellen's keeping the girls and I'm folding laundry. What's the candy for Bob, special occasion or did you know I was craving candy and roses?" She joked.

"Both." He smiled, taking her in his arms. She smiled.

"That sounds nice." She giggled.

Bob wondered how it was that they could go from fighting with every word they uttered to a lovely embrace like this and back in just a couple of days. It had been like that for months. He figured it had something to do with all the stress they were under to provide for a fourth child, combined with her yo-yoing hormones.

"What's the occasion?" She asked.

"I have a surprise for you."

"More so than the candy and the flowers?"

"Much, much more so. It's the surprise of a lifetime."

"Oh!" Emily smiled, he caught her looking down at herself. Emily thought the baby counted as the surprise of a lifetime too and was still disappointed that he still didn't agree.

"What would you do. If I told you I bought you a house today?"

"Get out." She laughed, not believing him.

"Well. I bought you a house today."

"Honey you're kidding me. Where did you find a house that you liked so much you bought it without me?"

"It's Mr. Carlin." He began, Emily was about to protest but he held up his hand. "Emily just-just trust me on this one, reserve your judgment until you see it. Okay?"

"Okay." She smiled, she still couldn't believe he'd done this for her and was willing to just go along with this without saying a word.

…

"Oh Bob, it's beautiful!"

Emily had been skeptical when Bob had told her this house had been a suggestion of Mr. Carlin's but she loved the place, even more on the inside than she had on the outside. She thought it was perfect and was kind of overwhelmed.

"I thought you'd like it." He smiled. He'd known it was perfect the moment he and Mr. Carlin walked inside and hadn't been able to wait to share it with Emily.

"It's perfect." She smiled. He was happy she was thrilled. For a while he'd been thinking that he'd never see her smile at him like that again. "It's so much bigger than what we're used to." She observed, noting that the house had an upstairs.

The living room and entry alone were a huge chunk of the size of their apartment. Add the kitchen and you'd have it right there. Add the den and the bathroom you had Howard's old apartment too.

"I-I know. Come on, upstairs is what I think you'll really love." Bob took Emily's hand and led her up the stairs.

At first, the upstairs appeared to be nothing out of the ordinary.

"It's got what we've been looking for and haven't been able to find all this time: four bedrooms, and a den downstairs."

"Bob that's perfect! You get your den and our girls get space! You've missed your den, haven't you?"

"Yeah." He wasn't going to lie. He had. In the den, he could practice from home if he wanted or needed to. That had been difficult, after his den had become a nursery, especially when he had discovered there were times he had to work from home because the girls needed him there.

"So, um, is it ours?"

"Everything's done. We just have to do the final paperwork."

"That's it?"

"That and uh…get out of our lease. We can move in whenever we want. So what do you say, do we have a deal?"

"Oh yes Bob, it's perfect, perfect." She giggled as she hugged him.

….

"Okay girls, what do you think?" Bob asked.

A week had passed and they'd just finished moving. He held Bridget and Molly in his arms as he carried them into the house for the first time.

The girls had never seen the house before their parents packed them in the car and brought them there directly from Grandma Martha's house. Their eyes were huge and they couldn't believe they were going to live in such a big place. How would they be together? The three were so used to being together all the time in pretty much everything they did. And how would they find everything? At the apartment all of their stuff had been well…everywhere.

"Mommy really likes it." Emily told them.

"So does Daddy." Bob added, just to reassure Emily that he was alright with all of this. He did like the fact that he was getting a den and that they were all getting space.

Bob and Emily watched as the girls looked around at the place with wide eyes but said absolutely nothing. Molly wanted to go home; back to the apartment but Meghan and Bridget found the place intreaging. They liked it, like their mother had, even though they'd only seen the entry way and the stairs.

"We get to have a place with stairs!" Meghan was excited.

"Yes honey." Emily smiled.

"Are my clothes up there?" Meghan asked her next question.

"Yes." Bob sighed. "Come on girls, let's give you the tour."

"This is the living room." Emily began as they walked by it. There really wasn't a whole lot to see.

"Mommy why is there no furniture?" Meghan asked.

"Because we didn't have enough to fill the house. We're going to get more maybe you can all help Mommy and Daddy pick things."

Bob thought this was a terrible idea; they'd pick things only Barbie would choose.

"And this is the kitchen…"

"Can we make cookies in there?" Bridget asked.

"Soon?' Meghan followed.

"Pwease?" Molly begged.

"In the morning girls." Emily promised. "And this is the dining room."

"And the den." Bob finished.

"What's a den?"

"Oh girls, you know your old room was Daddy's den before you were born."

"Oh!" Meghan kind of understood.

"So Daddy gets his own room?"

"In a way." Emily giggled.

After this, Bob and Emily took their girls upstairs to see their rooms.

"We get a door!" Bridget was amazed.

"Yeah sweetie, you uh- you get a door."

"But there are going to be some new rules about the doors okay darlings?" Emily explained.

"Yes Mommy." The three nodded sweetly.

"My bed?" Molly asked.

She hoped that at last minute her parents had decided to put all three of them together again. Instead, Molly knew the inevitable had happened: she was going to be getting a different room than her sisters.

"No Molly, sweetheart, you're all by yourself." Bob told her.

"She can stay." Meghan added. She didn't really want her to go and saw that she was distressed.

Meghan knew Molly was scared and she hated it. She felt responsible for Molly in a way that her Mom and Dad just couldn't understand. Molly smiled and sighed, relieved that Meghan had stood up for her like this even if it wasn't going to do any good. Bridget said nothing, and instead ventured in to explore her new room.

"No sweetheart. Molly's going to like her room, we promise."

"How else will she learn to be a good big sister?" Meghan protested.

"Meghan you're still her big sister even if she's down the hall."

"And you're a good big sister and no one taught you." Emily reminded. Meghan didn't know what to say. She couldn't remember a time when she wasn't someone's big sister.

"Me no stay!" Molly was scared.

"Honey." Bob began, sitting Molly down on her bed. "This is your very own room. I know you don't like the idea that much. But really soon you're going to have a brand new roommate and I think that your going to love her very much." Bob promised. "And you'll have a nightlight and your door will be open and Mommy and Daddy's door will be open and you can come in anytime you want, okay? And remember we're just right there. You can see Mommy and Daddy's bed from here, can't you?" Until now, Molly had said nothing and she just burst out crying.

"Oh honey, come here." Emily soothed.

"Meghan!" She cried, "Bwiget!"

"Maybe you'll feel better in a few months when Lauren shows up, huh? Oh sweetie it's going to be okay." Emily soothed.

Bob decided to check on Bridget, as she'd been awfully quiet while exploring her room. He grabbed Meghan's hand and brought her along, wanting her to explore her own room rather than Molly's.

"Honey it's not scary." Emily had finally gotten Molly quiet and rocked her in the rocking chair. The two-year-old put her hand in her mouth and stared up at her Mom. "See you've got these nice pink walls and all your toys, sweetheart and your nightlight. And here, can you feel Lauren? She's the person you're going to be living with, can you feel her kicking Mama? Don't you think she's good company? And while you wait for her, all her stuff is here."

"Bwiget." She said softly.

"Daddy, where's the rocking chair?" Bridget asked as soon as he and Meghan walked in the room.

He was impressed with Meghan and Bridget's room. It was beautiful had been done for much older girls. Emily thought they'd grow into it.

"Honey come here." He said, sitting on the edge of one of their beds and lifting them both onto his lap. "You don't need a rocking chair anymore."

"Yes we do." Meghan argued.

"No-no you don't. You're four and five year old girls. You're too big for a rocking chair. But look, Mom was thoughtful, she-she got you a different chair, you see that?" Meghan and Bridget nodded, observing the arm chair their mother had gotten them that matched their walls and bedding. It was huge, like their Dad's favorite chair that they all fit in together, and looked really comfy. "Mommy can still read to you in that chair and you know what. It's a big girl chair where you can read to yourself…" He caught Meghan smiling at this. "And I know you love that. And look you got a desk, you never had one of those before, right? And nice new big princess beds."

"With the canopy thing-y?" Bridget had to admit she kind of liked that.

"Yeah. It's really nice, isn't it?"

"I-I like that our doll house is on that table instead of on a floor." Bridget said.

"Me too." Meghan smiled. "Why is everything new?"

"Except the toys."

"Because Mommy wanted to give you a new start. Your sisters have the nursery furniture." Meghan and Bridget didn't comment, this made sense to them. "Feeling better?" He asked.

"Yeah, we have a mirror!" Meghan suddenly noticed and she was delighted.

"Yes you do." He laughed, kissing her cheek. He placed them on the bed next to him. "Okay girls. Nightgown time, okay? And then I'll be back to tuck you in."

"Okay Daddy."

"Thank you."

"The clothes aren't new?!" He heard Meghan burst and could tell she was angry. He laughed to himself as he made his way back to the next room. He smiled when he saw Emily, who'd just finished rocking Molly to sleep. Molly lye cuddled up to her unborn baby sister and Emily smiled up at him.

"Hi Bob." She whispered.

"That go well?"

"Yeah. I think she feels better."

"Clearly." He said, lifting Molly into his arms.

….

"What do you really think?" Bridget asked when she shut the door.

"Why aren't the clothes new?" Meghan was distraught.

"You're silly." She laughed.

"B-bu-but if we were supposed to have a new start why are the clothes old?!"

"Meghan, it's okay. There will be more new clothes. But how old will you be when you get a new room again? You'll be old like Mommy and Daddy. Or Howie."

Meghan thought this was a good point and shut up. Actually, she and Bridget were overwhelmed by the room, to the point where they wondered why their mother had done this for them. They realized they had a lot left in the room to explore. It seemed there was something new practically everywhere they looked. Each little girl was impressed with something completely different. For Meghan it was the window seat, covered in dolls and bears and pillows, that she loved most. Bridget was in love with the table their Mom had set their dollhouse on, and both girls were ennamered with the bookcase in the corner and they looked forward to filling it with tales from worlds far away.

…..

"Emily, thank you." Bob said. He stopped her in the hallway, half way in between the girl's rooms. "I can tell this is going to be wonderful."

"Thank you sweetheart. I promise it will." She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"What should we do with the empty room Emily? I have a den…do you want a space of your own too?"

"I don't know yet. It might be nice but I'm used to keeping my desk in the living room where I can watch the girls play and just be around everyone. That's fine with me. I'm used to it. I like it. I was thinking it would be wise to use it as a guest room, you know for Grandparents…Howard and Ellen when they're not on speaking terms." Bob laughed at this. "And that maybe one day, when all four of these girls are much older, one of them will desperately want the space all to herself." Bob nodded, he could see that happening easily. "Meghan." They guessed at once and giggled.

"That one's mine!"

"No that's mine!" They heard the girls begin to argue.

"Or maybe now one of them needs it to herself. Bridget, Meghan, what's going on?" Bob asked as he and Emily walked into their daughter's room. "Oh girls don't cry."

"I don't know which bed is mine." Bridget sobbed.

"Me neither." Meghan was crying too.

"Oh boy this is going to be a long night." Bob whispered to himself.

….

"I guess its bedtime for us too." Emily supposed, taking her husband's hand.

They walked back toward their own bedroom, a little nervous about sleeping there for the first time. Bob was glad they'd kept their same bed and thought it was funny that the new room had a series of windows behind the bed, much like the old room had. He already felt at home. Emily, on the other hand, felt at home wherever she was with Bob.

"It's a big night." He said as she climbed into bed. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"Yeah. I've been dreaming of it for a long time."

"I know." He lye his head against hers. "I love you Emily."

"I love you too."

"And I'm excited about our happy new life, our new house, our new baby. You're right. It's going to be great."

…..

Bob was exhausted when he woke up the next morning. He hadn't moved in a long time and the process had been grueling. He rolled over and kissed Emily's cheek even though she still snored. He could tell the girls were still fast asleep, in fact, because they'd left their door open, he could see Molly falling out of her bed across the hall. Bob sighed and thought about going back to sleep, in fact that was his plan, until the doorbell rang.

"Sweetheart, could you get that?" Emily moaned, pressing her face back into her pillow. Bob reluctantly put on his robe and went downstairs.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Could you have some patience?" He requested when the doorbell rang again.

He opened it, thinking it wasn't new neighbors he was meeting for the first time while he was in his bathrobe, on the other hand, the person on the other side of the door seemed too persistent for that, almost as if they felt they had a right to be there.

"Howard, Ellen…what are you doing here at…noon?" He asked, looking at his watch for the first time that day.

"It is noon Bob." Ellen laughed.

"Yeah Bob, oh wow it's wonderful, isn't the place great?!" Howard asked, brushing past Bob and walking inside. "Of course it isn't as nice as our place with the…"

"Your place?" Bob questioned. Howard and Ellen had been looking for a house for months now too and kept coming up empty.

"Oh Bob we have some great news." Ellen began.

"Yeah! We bought the house next door!" Howard couldn't help but just say it.

"N-next door?"

"Yeah Bob, isn't that wonderful?" He could tell his sister was excited.

"Bob? Who is it?" Emily yawned as she came down the stairs.

"Emily, meet our new neighbors."


	4. Telling Martha

Chapter 4- Telling Martha

_**August 1982**_

"Bob, I…well if you don't want me to do it, just let me know." She asked him at breakfast. The girls had gone to the living room to play and Bob was about to leave for work.

"What Emily, do what?"

"The doctor said that she'll be able to tell if it's a boy or a girl or not."

"Emily that's great. I've heard about that, why not find out. We both already know it's going to be a girl anyway." He wanted to have the disappointment over with and know definitively that the son he wanted so much was never going to exist.

"You're right, but I like being surprised Bob."

"Okay honey, then don't find out."

"But this is the first time it's been offered to me…" She contemplated. "And I think it'd be kind of fun to try it out…see how it works, you know." He understood.

"Fine so do it."

"And I liked when Ellen did it with the boys so…"

"Fine then honey." He smiled reassuringly. "Then let's do it." He knew it would be a girl no matter what, and it didn't really matter for him. "It's a girl you know…you don't need to find out." He got up from the table and was preparing to leave.

"Bob I…"

"What?"

"I know you want a boy and I'm sorry." She apologized in advance.

On the inside, Bob was very upset about this. He was, in fact, holding out hope for his one son and he was heartbroken that this was is last chance at having him. But the crushed look on Emily's face distressed him greatly. He held out his arms and enveloped her in a hug.

"It's alright." He said, kissing her temple. "Whatever baby we get is still our baby and yes I want a boy but; do you think I'm not going to love my daughter because she's a girl? No of course not. Maybe I'll be disappointed for a while but, the fact that she's a happy, healthy baby matters more than if she's a boy or a girl. At least it does to me. And maybe we're just met to have girls."

"Oh Bob you're so sweet."

"Have a good day honey, and let me know what happens."

Emily was near tears when they got to the door.

"Bob, I'm sorry." She said.

"No apologies Emily just, just have a good day." He smiled. Emily sighed as she watched him walk down the steps and begin the walk to the train. She too felt bad that he wasn't getting the son she knew he wanted so bad, particularly because _**she's**_ the one who'd wanted to have a boy in the first place.

….

Bob was the only person in the car who was not asleep. He was jealous. Meghan, Bridget and Molly were fast asleep in the back…but they always slept in the car, especially on longer trips like this. In fact, he and Emily had driven around many nights when Bridget and Meghan were babies, just so they would sleep and not cry all night. He observed the girls in the rear-view mirror and hoped their slumber would leave them lethargic enough to be very calm at his mother's house. Two year old Molly was chewing on her pacifier, Meghan was sucking her thumb…which he found funny given that she was five and the oldest, and finally Bridget had her head slumped to the side, appearing to be completely out of it. He knew he'd have to carry all three of them inside…somehow. Meanwhile, Emily was snoring softly beside him. He understood she was exhausted and bet that the baby she was carrying was probably asleep too: it was a trend for the Hartley women that night it seemed.

In truth, the baby was what was making him nervous about this visit to his parent's house. They, like Emily's father, wanted a grandson, but he and Emily had three little girls instead. That day they'd found out for sure that Emily was expecting baby girl number four. He was not surprised. Sure he'd held out hope for a son, but he realized that if God had decided he'd make a better father to girls, then so be it: he'd love them and he did, very much. But he knew his parents were going to be upset, especially his Mom.

He reached over and rested his hand on Emily's stomach gently. In addition to everything else, he was worried about this baby. In addition to finding out that she was a girl, the doctor had also told Emily that she was running on the small side and not growing as well as they'd like, but was none the less fine, he had to wonder exactly what that met, it bothered him.

"Daddy?" A little voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Oh hi Bridget." He said softly as she rubbed her tiny eyes.

It was just a few days after her fourth birthday and she still thought it was her birthday, which Bob had come to find very amusing.

"Are we there yet?"

"No honey, not yet." He laughed.

"Are we going because it's my birthday?"

"It's one of the reasons, yes."

"Are you talking in your sleep again Bob?" Emily asked drowsily.

"I'm not asleep Emily, or you'd better hope I'm not."

"Oh Bob, I'm sorry, I fell asleep." She yawned.

"Fast asleep, and you missed a lot of Chicago's worst traffic."

"And we were sleeping too." Meghan reminded. She'd just woken up and felt really reenergized.

"Now only Molly's sleeping but that's okay because she's a baby."

"She's almost three, she's not really much of a baby anymore." Emily reminded Bridget.

"That's right. I was three on Tuesday." Bridget observed.

"Yes, that's right, you were." Her father confirmed. Her mother laughed.

The girls were all very close in age, making life very difficult in some senses and very easy in others. Bob had realized that the new baby would not be in the same age range as the other three and would present a special challenge for just that reason.

Getting into Bob's parent's house was more difficult than he had thought it would be. When they got there, Molly was still asleep, Emily's back had begun to hurt and Meghan and Bridget both had to use the restroom…badly…actually Emily did too, but she was trying her best to hide it, after all, there was someone sleeping on her bladder, and only she could say that.

Bob's parents had told him they thought having four was a bit much. He was a little nervous as he sat alone with them, waiting for his wife and daughters to return from the bathroom. Luckily, he had Molly (who'd woken up almost as soon as they'd gotten inside) to distract them from asking any questions about the baby. Molly sucked on her pacifier and laughed as she sat on her Grandmother's lap. She liked Grandma Martha a lot. Bob wondered, when watching his mother and youngest daughter, why it was that his parents and Emily's couldn't just be happy with four little girls. He thought he was beginning to be. Maybe.

Emily wondered if perhaps they shouldn't tell anyone that it was a girl. At least she knew now that the baby would, for certain, get to be Lauren like she'd hoped.

"So, what are you hoping for this time?" Martha asked.

"Same as always Mom." Bob replied simply. Emily looked at him nervously from across the table. She sat with Meghan and Molly on either side of her, while Bob sat with Bridget.

Meghan, who knew she was going to have another little sister, was trying so hard not to blurt out this little fact. She did her best to keep her five year old mind occupied with something else and to keep her mouth closed but all she could keep thinking about was how the new baby's name was going to be Lauren, and how Lauren wasn't born yet, but was, at the same time, sitting right next to her in their mother's stomach.

'Meghan, don't say anything about Lauren. Don't say anything about Lauren. Don't…" Meghan kept repeating silently to herself.

"Meghan?" Her Grandmother asked. Meghan looked up, alarmed, her little blue eyes grew wide, Emily noted that she looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Honey what's wrong?" Emily asked, running her fingers through her daughter's hair gently.

Meghan was scared now, how was she supposed to keep quiet now that she'd been put on the spot like this?!

"Meghan?" Bob asked.

She didn't reply and was resigned to keep her lips shut.

"Meghan you look like you're really focused on something honey, what's the matter?" Martha asked her.

"I'm trying hard not to say anything about Lauren. Oops."

"Oh honey that's okay. It's okay." Emily soothed, rubbing Meghan's shoulder. She'd asked the girl not to say anything and could tell that she felt bad.

"Lauren?"

"Lauren's the baby's name, Mom." Bob replied.

"Of course, that's a lovely name, if she's a girl."

"I've just found out I'm having another girl." Emily decided to confess. Emily figured now was as good a time as ever, after all, she was going to find out in a few months anyway.

"Oh." Martha said, almost sharply. Both Bob and Emily knew she'd be upset, but they didn't know she'd be quite this upset. "Oh Emily, what's the matter with you, I was sure you'd surprise us with a boy this time." She spat.

Emily felt like this was very pointed and Meghan and Bridget were confused.

Emily caressed her stomach softly as the room began to get chillier and Martha kept talking. She just wanted to run away and was surprised her mother-in-law was being so unreasonable. She couldn't control that she was having another baby girl. Bob sat there with his mouth practically hanging open, unable to believe his mother had just said this to his wife. Little did he know it would get much worse before it was over.

"Now Martha." Herb Hartley began. "If they're going to have a bunch of girls that's their own dang business…besides." He smiled. "I wish we'd had more than one girl, boys can't be trusted." Herb was teasing, but also didn't share his wife's preference for boys. He truly was happy that the majority of his grandchildren had been girls.

"But Herb she's too old for it anyway!" Martha continued.

Bob looked up at Emily, horrified when she said this.

"Mom!" Bob yelled.

Molly began to cry when her father raised his voice. The girls didn't understand exactly what was going on, but they knew it was bad.

"Martha…" Herb warned, realizing his wife was getting into very dangerous territory with this.

"Well I'm right. And of course. It's her age, no wonder she keeps having so many damn girls." Martha remarked.

"Mom enough!" Bob yelled.

"Excuse me." Emily said quietly, she got up from the table. She picked a crying Molly up, which was very difficult to do considering that she was almost six months pregnant, and rushed out of the room as she started bawling. Meghan quickly followed in order to try to comfort her mother.

Bob was stunned and quickly questioned wheter he should follow his wife or yell at his mother. Bridget, who, like her father, was also stunned, stood up in her chair and watched her mother and sisters rush down the hall. Bob quickly gathered her in his arms and rushed after his wife.

"Emily!" He called.

"Why is it always my birfday?" Bridget considered, remembering how Grandma Martha had ruined another one of her birthdays with a similar outburst when Ellen told her she was pregnant with the twins.

….

"My Emily, are you okay?" He finally asked after they'd gotten down the road, quite a bit. Their three little girls were already fast asleep in the backseat. But Bob and Emily were distraught. They'd left without saying a word to the senior Hartleys.

"I'm just feeling the baby." Emily sniffled. "Lauren's going crazy…of course you would too if someone had just said something like that about you."

"Emily, they didn't say they didn't want _her_…they just said they wanted her to be a boy."

"Yeah, a boy." Emily laughed. "You know, my father's not going to be happy about this either."

"Oh forget my mother and your father Emily. You know what matters, Lauren's father is happy that she's a girl."

"That's because Lauren's father is a true sweetheart of a man, in every sense of the word."

"Thank you Emily." He smiled genuinely at her. "Lauren's mother is a wonderful woman and a perfect mother…in every sense of all of those words."

"Thank you." She smiled.

"I couldn't be happier about getting another little girl, Emily. I know she's going to be just perfect." She smiled, but knew he didn't mean that.

"I couldn't be happier either." She smiled. "Ooh, ouch!"

"Emily?!"

"I'm sorry Bob, just a really sharp kick."

"Emily, is it…"

"No, no, no. Lauren's still gonna be staying in Mommy for a while."

"Oh…good."

"I know. All our girls have been strong kickers, you know that."

"Yes I do." He said.

"Bob, I know she always wanted a grandson, but how is it supposed to be my fault I have all girls? And what's more, why does she care if we have a fourth child? We're in our forties, we're both professionals, we're secure…we're good at raising kids and we love it…what's her problem?"

"Emily, she thinks we're too old."

"Oh that's right, how could I forget? Funny my doctor doesn't but your mother, she's an authority."

"According to her definition of family planning, our kids should be in college now, not in the womb. Not turning four."

"Well, first, we've only been married thirteen years. And second, I'm not old enough to be the mother of a college-aged-kid…well, barely. I would've been a college-aged kid…barely."

"Bob…that really hurt. What she said." She sniffled. "You know…when she said that. I could feel Lauren jump…she didn't like it either."

"Honey don't cry. Look it's our baby and we love her, that's all that matters. And we're perfectly happy with four little girls. My Mother will come around. Do you think she's really going to be able to take one look at that little baby and not fall in love? I know I'm not." This made her smile.

…..

"Mommy, we're sorry." Meghan began as she and Bridget climbed into their mother's bed.

"Yeah we're sorry." Bridget added.

"That was mean, wasn't it Mommy?"

"Yes Meghan darling, it was." She said. Emily drew a deep breath.

"Mommy, we love you."

"Oh girls, I love you too."

"And we're glad we're having a new baby sister."

"Because boys are gross." Bridget finished her sister's sentence.

Emily laughed aloud at this.

"Do you think boys are yucky Mommy?" Bridget asked.

"Does Daddy?"

"No, we don't. We'd be fine with a little boy. We'd love him. But we love our little girls so much."

"Are you glad it's a little girl?"

"We're very happy it's a little girl."

"How come Grandma isn't?" Meghan asked.

"And how come she had to ruin my birthday again?"

"Oh honey, it's okay. I think Daddy's Mommy always pictured our having a little boy and she's upset about it. Where's Molly?"

"Uncle Howard and Daddy are reading her a bedtime story." This thought almost cheered Emily up because she thought seeing them try to tuck Molly into bed together would be hilarious. They'd totally disagree on how to battle with a restless two year old who didn't think she needed to go to sleep.

"Speaking of which." Emily was surprised to hear Meghan say something that sounded so grown up.

"It's passed our bedtime." Bridget kissed her mother's cheek.

"Oh, good night girls." Emily was shocked now, they were putting themselves to bed?

"Night Mommy." They yawned, kissing her goodnight and leaving the room. In truth, their father had convinced them to do put themselves to bed…he'd bribed them with cookies.

Emily sighed, rolling over and tucking her whole self deeper into bed. She was scared, sad and shaken totally to the core. Yet, the fact that her little girls had tucked her into bed and tried their best to soothe her, made her feel like everything was going to be okay.

"Lauren, everything's going to be just fine sweetheart." Emily sighed and ran her hand over her stomach. It seemed like just five seconds ago that it was Meghan in there and she couldn't believe that. "I promise." Emily rolled back over into her pillow and began to cry.


	5. Meghan and Emily's first day of school

Chapter 5- Meghan and Emily's first day of school

_**September 1982**_

Emily looked down at herself, barely believing that she was going back to work as pregnant as she was. Why on earth was she going when she was due in ten short weeks? It was ridiculous. Part of her thought she should've just quit at the end of the school year, especially since she was about to become the mother of four. Nonetheless, it was the first day of the school year and a very special one at that.

Emily'd never experienced a first day like this before. It was her own daughter's first day. It made her realize that time was moving forward absurdly quickly and that in a heartbeat the baby she was carrying would be off to kindergarten too. In the past, she'd marveled over how clingy children and parents could be with each other on the first day. She'd understood it before, but not like this. Now the thought of being separated from Meghan was heart-wrenching, even though she would be at school too and quite nearby actually. But when she thought about it, Emily realized she wasn't ready to let her baby go. Preschool had been one thing, but this was a much bigger step.

She wondered if Meghan dreaded the separation from home and her sisters or if she really understood the reality of it and what it would be like. Meghan had spent days nervously preparing for her first day of school: figuring out what to wear and making sure that Bridget and Molly understood how sophisticated kindergarten was going to be, compared with preschool. In fact she'd been borderline insulting her little sister's intelligence for days.

Bridget was pretty upset about Meghan leaving her that was for sure. They'd been a pair her whole life and she thought of her sister's moving on without her as a betrayal. After all, they had started preschool together the year before and Bridget didn't understand why she couldn't go to kindergarten with Meghan. She had argued that she was smarter than her sister (and in many ways she was) and that it made no sense that somehow she didn't qualify for kindergarten just because she happened to be shorter, insisting that it was like saying Uncle Howard was smarter than Daddy because he was taller. Emily thought the argument alone should get her into kindergarten but couldn't do anything about it, even as the school's principal. Whatever the details may be, Meghan's starting school had started an uncomfortable rift between the two girls that Emily did not care for. They were almost best friends turned worst enemies. Emily carefully contemplated this as Meghan walked into the kitchen alone. Bridget was still upstairs fast asleep.

"Morning Princess." Bob smiled at Meghan. He was surprised to see her all dressed up and at the table so early as he'd forgotten about school.

"Hi Daddy."

"Where are your sisters?"

"Sleeping."

"Sleeping they…"

"Honey, they don't have to go to school." Emily reminded.

"Oh that's right." Bob said reflectively.

"Meghan, why don't you go and get your shoes on, we're going to leave very soon, okay?"

"Okay Mommy."

"Do you need shoe help?" Emily asked, Meghan wasn't the best when it came to putting on shoes.

"No Mommy shoes are easy." Meghan giggled, surprising both of her parents, and went off to put on her shoes as her mother sat at the table.

"That's right." Bob laughed. "It's Meghan's first day of school, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's finally that time." Emily gave a nervous smile.

"Boy it's really something isn't it, one minute they're this little tiny baby and the next kindergarten."

"I know. It's crazy." She laughed.

"I mean it's just crazy to think five seconds ago she was that." Bob pointed at her. Emily looked down at her midsection and laughed.

"I know. "

"You want me to, uh, to take her to school?" Bob asked, he wanted to go to her first day and wondered why they hadn't discussed it yet.

"I was going to take her, I'm going anyway, remember?"

"Oh…that's right." She looked different to him in light of the fact that she was going to work: bigger somehow and that scared him.

"But I know we'd both love it if you'd come with us."

"I would like that Emily. But what about the other girls aren't…"

"Howard's going to watch them for me today. Melanie doesn't get back in town until tomorrow." She spoke of their regular nanny who was a college junior at nearby Loyola. "Howard though, should be here any minute, probably with the boys."

"Howard? Four little kids all by himself?"

"Five once Meghan comes home." Emily laughed.

"Aren't you going to come home early and relieve him?" Bob was concerned.

"No. I have meetings and I'm going to the doctor."

"I'm here!" Howard announced, cheerfully coming in the back door, holding the boy's hands. "Gee, those shoes sure were hard, weren't they guys?" Howard said of his own shoes, which he'd had a hard time putting on. Emily laughed a little at this but tried to make it not show.

….

"Well, this is it." Bob said.

He and Emily exchanged glances as they stopped in front of the class. There were people rushing everywhere all around them: mostly small children, and somehow, Bob and Emily managed to share this second, acknowledging the magnitude of this special moment. They looked down at Meghan who stood between them and marveled at how big she was, and yet, how tiny she still was. She looked very pretty in her new red dress and shoes, but watching her made Bob hesitate about all of this, it made him feel more protective of her than ever, like he wanted to keep her forever…he could tell, by the sick feeling in his stomach that this was one of those 'oh no my baby girl is growing up' moments. He hated those and with soon to be four daughters, he knew he had many of those ahead.

"It's what?" Meghan asked, looking up at them. She held both of their hands, her arms seeming to reach above her own head. She had no idea what they were talking about. "Mommy, what's it?"

"Oh nothing honey." Emily laughed. "It's just that uh Daddy and I can't believe your such a big girl now."

Meghan had no qualms about walking into the room holding both of her parent's hands. She marveled over the room for a second. It was one of the brightest places she'd ever seen it looked really compelling to her except for one thing, all these kids everywhere crying and she didn't know why.

"What are they crying about?" The idea scared her a little. What was there to cry over? Meghan then wondered if she should be upset about something she wasn't aware of.

"Oh honey they're just worried about leaving their Mommies and Daddies and coming to this new place for the first time." Emily explained.

"Yeah Meghan, it can uh, it can be scary for some kids." Bob added, noting that his daughter had very little reaction to any of this.

He, himself, had mixed feelings about all of this. On one hand, he knew he needed to be happy that she was adjusting so well compared with well everyone else, on the other, he wondered where he'd gone wrong. Why was his kid the only one who wasn't clinging to them? He felt kind of selfish for thinking it, but his feelings were hurt: it was odd, especially given the fact that Meghan was normally a clingy child. He was saddened she didn't seem in the least bit upset. But she was.

Meghan had yet to really consider the idea of leaving her parents and gulped as she began to think about it. Her heart started to beat a little faster as she could tell her parents were beginning to separate from her and finally she got a pain in the pit of her stomach. She noted quickly that it was an all out attack of the butterflies: she was scared to death. In fact, before now, she'd had no idea that she'd be left alone at kindergarten: she thought Mommy was staying.

"Sweetheart, we think you're going to have a really good day." Bob continued.

"Yes we do and Mommy will take you home after school, okay?" Emily added.

Bob and Emily paused to watch their daughter as she began to tear up, just like most of the other kids around her.

"Mommy, Daddy please don't leave me!" Meghan begged as she began to cry.

"Oh sweetheart it's alright." Emily comforted.

"Meghan we didn't mean to make you scared." Bob said, getting on his knees to hug her. Meghan wrapped her arms around her father's neck.

"I thought Mommy was staying!" She sobbed.

"Oh sweetheart, no! Honey I'm sorry you had that idea." Emily apologized.

"Meghan, the point of kindergarten is for you to get used to being without us for a while and with other people…well part of it. Look, everybody else is scared and you're all going to do this together." Bob reassured.

"That and Meghan, you see that door right behind us, across the hall?" Emily asked. Meghan looked at the door carefully, unable to read the big gold letters on it. She nodded. "That's Mommy's door. So she won't be with you, but she'll be real close by, does that make you feel better?" Meghan nodded through her tears. She'd still rather that Mommy stayed with her.

"I don't want to stay with them, I wanna stay with you." Meghan rubbed her eyes. Bob smiled and kissed her forehead, thinking that was possibly one of the sweetest things anyone had ever said to him.

"Now, you want to explore the classroom?" Bob asked. "Come on, that sounds like a lot of fun." Bob took Meghan's hand again, she was very hesitant to do this and looked around with wide eyes.

Meghan had the urge to start sucking her thumb as she walked around the class, holding her father's hand. Emily looked down at the girl, wondering if she shouldn't have waited on kindergarten another year and kept her and Bridget together. She knew both girls would've appreciated that and that it would've made this process so much easier on everyone.

"Meghan, honey, hey look, they've got a reading corner, do you want to see that?" Emily suggested, knowing reading, if nothing else, would make Meghan comfortable. Meghan even shook her head no to this idea.

Instead of accepting this, Emily decided to do as a few other mothers were doing, pull up a tiny little chair, grab a story and begin reading. The only thing was, none of these other women were pregnant, not to mention nearly as pregnant as she. She almost didn't have a lap for Meghan to sit on anymore. Meghan was glad, nonetheless, that her Mom was going to sit there and read her a story. Bob, in the meantime, had gone to call Carol and tell her he'd be late.

"Hey honey you know you don't have to be scared." She began, running her fingers through her daughter's hair. "Mommy'll be close by, remember? That's my door and I'll be in that office all day long, okay?"

"Okay." Meghan nodded and whispered. Meghan reached out and wrapped her arms around her Mom's neck, just as she'd previously done with her Dad. Emily took her daughter's head in her hands and kissed her forehead.

"You're the Principal?" Another mother asked.

"Yes." Emily smiled, still hugging Meghan tightly, which, given the baby, was a little difficult. Emily eyed the other mother carefully.

She'd gotten good at judging parents and wondered if this woman was unhappy about her child having a school principal who was younger than many, a woman and pregnant. Sometimes, it was still hard for Emily to believe that people thought things like that, but she'd experienced such bias firsthand when she was still vice principal and the girls were much smaller. It had just been a while.

"I'm Emily Hartley and this is my daughter Meghan." She introduced.

This really highlighted the overwhelming shyness Meghan was already feeling and now she just wanted to hide.

"Lois Harmon. You know it's nice that you're here." Emily smiled, surprised by the woman's words. "You really should introduce yourself to all the kids."

"Yeah." Another mother added. "It would be a great way to distract them from being so upset."

"Would that mean you'd stay Mommy?" Meghan asked.

"I guess so, for a few minutes more anyway." Emily conceded.

Unfortunately, Emily already had plans. Leaving Meghan was hard on her too, she'd wanted her good-bye time on her last day to be a little more private. The other kids mattered to her too but, she needed to ensure that Meghan settled into the classroom nicely, over all else. This was her oldest, most sensitive child, the one that she was closest to and it was an important day. Furthermore, after leaving Meghan, she and Bob planned to talk in the hall for a minute, and then of course, she had a meeting as soon as the bell rang. She didn't have the time to stay any longer than absolutely nessissary and now she knew she'd have to.

"Oh Emily, Meghan, I'm so sorry." Bob apologized, he'd just ran down the hall and seemed out of breath.

"Bob what's wrong?" Emily asked.

"Nothing, just, just ran here from across the hall. I just got off the phone with Carol, my office is a mess I've got to go." He said, quickly kissing his wife's forehead. He got down on his knees and took Meghan in his arms again. "There's my brave girl. You're going to have a very good day my Meghan. I promise. I love you." He said.

"I love you too Daddy." She said, watching sadly as he kissed her good-bye and walked out the door.

"Oh Meghan it's okay, it's okay honey don't cry. I know you want Daddy but its okay." She reassured. "You know how when Daddy's down the hall and you weren't upset he was gone because he was still in the building? Well it will be the same with me…Mommy will be just down the hall."

"Emily!"

Emily was nervous when she noticed Meghan's teacher approach her. She wanted to say good bye to her daughter, not greet all the other kids. There could be another time for that. And besides, she didn't really want them to all know Meghan was the principal's daughter: what a way to single her out!

"Hi Karen." Emily greeted, pretending to seem happy about this, she knew what she was after or in the very least what the conversation would highlight.

"I can't believe one of yours is this big." Karen McKendrick the kindergarten teacher, knew Emily long before she'd had Meghan.

"I know. It's a special day." She emphasized.

…

Howard raised an eyebrow and his breath caught in his throat. He was alarmed by Bridget's attitude that morning. It was so…violent. They'd decided on a fun breakfast first thing that morning, or at least, Bridget and Molly had. They'd chosen Cheerios and Howard had struggled with how that might possibly be considered a "fun" breakfast until Bridget spilled it all over the kitchen table and she and Molly began to make shapes out of the cereal. Bridget then of course added, with a smile, that it was a breakfast that her mother disapproved of. The twins smiled and caught onto this quickly, putting their hands on the table covered in Cheerios….accept they didn't make any shapes, but rather, they just kept putting cereal on the floor and laughing.

"Look it's a butterfy!" Molly clapped, hoping Howard would see the butterfly she'd made with Cheerios. But Howard was far more concerned with what Bridget was making.

"And this one. This one is Meghan." Bridget smiled, bringing her tiny fist down and smashing it on the little Cheerio person, making Howard jump. Where in the world did a four-year-old girl learn to be so vindictive? He wanted to call Bob and tell him his toddler had snapped.

"B-Bridget is there something wrong, something, something you'd like to talk to Uncle Howard about?" He asked nervously.

"Do you know what it's like to have a big sister whose a betrayer?"

"A-actually I do." He said, speaking of his older brother Gordon. "But you know she didn't betray you because she went to kindergarten…and if you think she did…remember you're going to do that to Molly exactly a year from now."

"Uh-oh." Zach mumbled.

"Uh-oh, son what uh-oh…oh." Howard said observing that the boys had gotten a hold of the Cheerios box and dumped it on the floor, as a result the little "O" shaped cereals had rolled everywhere, and now stood to get smashed everywhere they'd fallen across the kitchen floor. Howard sighed, and added this to the already lengthy list of things he'd have to clean up that day.

…..

Meghan wasn't sure if the day could possibly get worse for her. First her parents were really going to leave her and now her Mom was spending all this time with her whole class instead of just her. It was enough she had to share Mommy at home with Bridget and Molly….at least she was their Mommy too…but she shouldn't have to share her with kids she didn't even know!

At the teacher's encouragement, and the insistence of a few mothers, Emily had introduced herself to the children and she and the teacher had gotten them all interested in a story, which turned into a game of duck, duck, goose. All the other mothers were able to sneak out and leave their children behind, but Emily knew leaving Meghan would still be problematic even now that the other kids were settled. She was upset because she could tell Meghan was still sadder now than she'd been before.

Once all the other kids were sitting in little groups, ready to begin their first real lesson Emily walked to the door, with Meghan at her heals.

"Mommy don't go!" She said simply.

"Oh honey I have to, it'll be okay." I promise." Emily said, kissing her daughter's face. "And I'll see you in just a couple of hours: okay? I love you Meghan. I love you more than anything in the world and I promise this is good for you, okay?"

Meghan nodded as her eyes began to well up with tears. Emily kissed her again, and they went their separate ways. Meghan's teacher took her hand and pulled her toward where the rest of the class sat chattering on the floor, and Emily saw herself out and into the hall. Emily stopped for a moment and leaned her head against the door. She sighed, feeling a tear form in her eyes. She wiped it a way and sniffled as she walked back down the hall the meeting she'd had to postpone by an hour and a half.

…

Emily sighed as she sat down at her desk. It had been a long day and it was only two hours into it. She'd been at the school for years, first as a teacher, then vice principal, now principal…and now Emily kind of wanted to reflect on where she'd been. That day was important to her for a magnitude of reasons, one of them being that she'd become something that day she once never thought she'd be: a parent at the school.

It may sound like a small thing, but it choked her up. She remembered teaching other people's kids everyday and secretly really wanting one of her own, but not being able to have one for whatever reason. Now she was the Mother of four, having just dropped off her oldest on her very first day and still cradling her youngest under her heart. That was a stark contrast to just five short years ago and she could barely believe it.

"Ouch, Lauren." She rubbed her side softly when she felt Lauren kick.

On another note, part of a day of kindergarten had made her absolutely exhausted and she wondered how in the world she was going to make it till Halloween. She was due in November but her maternity leave began on Halloween. That was nearly two months away. She was so thankful that she dealt with papers and not people all day…well, at least people who were children. Emily took a deep breath and closed her eyes before picking up the phone. She needed help with this decision, even though it was absolutely the right thing in her mind.

"Hello Bob…"

"I'm kind of with a patient right now, is it something important honey?" He asked, watching Mr. Thredson violently attack the pillows on his couch…it always made him feel better, but it creeped Bob out, all this over mother issues? He had some mother issues himself, but you didn't see him go around skinning pillows…

"Bob." She sighed. "It's about the baby."

"The baby?! Emily did you have a contraction? Is she okay?"

"She's fine Bob but, honey I'm tired. I'm nautious, my feet hurt. I don't know how much longer I can work." She admitted.

"Well today's not an accurate judge how long were you in kindergarten?"

"An hour after you left." She admitted. "But Bob….Bob I wanna quit."

…

Howard was exhausted. He'd spent the entire day appeasing the kids, cleaning up messes and mediating fights between Bridget and Meghan who were not getting along, not by any stretch of the imagination, and it was scaring poor Molly. Howard had told himself that he was too old for this and moreover, he was so thankful to be the father of boys, knowing that boys didn't fight like that: not quite in the same way. Howard went back into the kitchen where he'd left his twin sons on the floor with some of their toys.

"Ryan, Zach, its almost time to go home." He announced. "Ahhhhh! W-what did you guys do?!" He was highly alarmed.

The twins smiled at him, proud of their destructive work. The boys were covered in strawberry jam and had had finger-painted the refrigerator with the stuff.

"Bob and Emily are going to kill me…forget that look at you too, your Mom's going to kill me!" Howard was freaked out beyond all measure.

"Howard, we're home…wow." Bob accessed as he and Emily came in the back door.

"I'm sorry, I have no idea how they got into the strawberry jam!" Howard said, covering up for his own poor parenting.

Emily put her bag down and began to cry as she darted out of the room.

"Emily it's okay!" Howard called, "everything will just wash right off….of the fridge, and the floor…and the cabinets…."

…

"I'm glad that day is over." Bob sighed, laying his head back in his pillow. "Honey how was the rest of yours?" He asked, they hadn't gotten the opportunity to talk much since they'd gotten home. And he still didn't know why she'd cried, maybe it really was the mess the boys had made. "Do you still wanna quit?" Emily didn't answer, and instead she got in bed without saying a word. "E-Emily are you okay?"

"I went to the doctor today." She began.

"Emily…is something wrong?"

"The baby…" She said. He was somewhat alarmed she didn't say Lauren. Since when had she not said Lauren? "Well Bob, first off, she's breech."

"As in coming out backwards?"

"Uh-huh." Emily nodded and sniffled. "And uh…there might be something wrong with her heart Bob."

"Oh Emily!" He took her in his arms as she began to cry. "Honey it's going to be okay, I promise it's going to be alright. It's going to be alright." Bob buried his face in his wife's hair as her tears intensified, himself wondering how much truth his promise held.


	6. Lauren

Chapter 6- Lauren

_**November 1982**_

Bob knew something wasn't quite right. He and Emily had done this three times before and it had always progressed differently than this. This labor was funny. They'd spent part of it at home, knowing nothing real would happen for a while and waiting for Ellen or Howard to come and stay with the girls. In fact, Emily's first contraction had come the morning prior. He'd assumed this one would be the easiest, especially after all that worry about the baby's heart had blown over and she'd turned the right way. After that, he figured everything would go perfectly…until they got to the hospital that was.

"Emily, everything's okay." He soothed, running his fingers through her hair.

"No Bob, it's not. Something's not right. We're at the same place we were three and a half hours ago."

"Yeah, you're right." He had to admit that. "How do you feel?"

"It hurts." She said matter of factly, taking a deep breath.

"You know, with Meghan, the whole birth only took this long." He had to point out.

"I know." Meghan had hurt more than this, but at least it had been painful and relatively quick. This was taking forever.

"Emily?" The doctor stuck her head in the door. She'd been in and out of their room for the past hour.

"Hi."

"How you doing?"

"Just reflecting on how it didn't take my other girls this long to be born."

"Oh I know…well, this baby's stuck."

"Why, what's wrong? Ha!"

"It's okay Emily, just breathe through it." The doctor stopped and began again when the contraction ended. Bob kissed Emily's cheek and began to dry the sweat off her forehead lovingly as the doctor continued. "Baby is fine, herself but she's having a little bit of trouble: she's breech…again, and we think her cord is wrapped around her neck this time."

This possibility scared Emily to the point where she thought her heart would stop. Breech by its self was one thing, but the idea of having her cord wrapped around her neck scared her.

"But is she…"

"She'll be just fine Emily, perfect like her three big sisters, but that's what I came to tell you: you're going to have to have a c-section after all."

"Oh." Emily didn't know how she felt about this, only that she'd been trying to avoid it, but if it had to be done to save the baby, she'd do it.

"Bob." She said once the doctor had stepped out of the room. "I'm so scared."

"Honey it's going to be okay, you're not going to feel a thing. And I'll be right there with you." He said, leaning his forehead against hers.

"You promise?"

"I promise I won't leave you, no matter what. And remember we're going in there to bring a new life into the world, just like we did with her big sisters. We're just going to have a little more help with this one, that's all."

"Oh Bob, that reminds me…if the baby needs you, please go with her and stay with her and leave me…she's the point."

"Okay Emily, I promise." He kissed her forehead.

"Oh Bob, what if they don't get her out in time?"

"Look at her little heartbeat. Listen, can you hear it?"

"Yeah."

"It's steady, it's strong. She may be kind of tied up right now Emily but she's doing just fine. And I promise you she's going to come out and she's going to be perfect." He kissed her. "And look at it this way. You don't have to endure the painful pushing this time Emily. That's the worst part."

"Yeah, but it's also the best part. Remember when all the pain's over and they lye this beautiful little baby in your arms and you finally get to hold her and kiss her after all those months of waiting and wondering what she was going to feel like."

Before he could move they both noticed a strange beeping sound. Bob noticed, instantaneously, that it was a change in the baby's heart monitor.

"No! Not my baby!" Emily gave a panicked cry.

"Emily it's alright, it's alright! She's going to be alright!" Bob promised.

In actuality, it frightened Bob that nurses seemed to storm the room in that moment and they were being taken down the hall so fast they barely had time to process what had hit them. Bob couldn't believe that everyone assembled that quickly and that suddenly he was sitting down next to Emily's head. She was awake but they were cutting a hole in her and it was surreal. He looked over at Emily she was distressed but not in pain. He smiled, brushing her cheek with his thumb and kissing her forehead.

"It's going to be okay Emily." He whispered, feeling like he was only just finishing what he'd been saying in the other room.

"Thank you." She mouthed, trying hard to believe him about this.

He quickly turned his attention back to the baby's birth. He was holding Emily's hand as he watched the baby be pulled from her stomach. It was tinier than he'd imagined it being and had its cord wrapped around its neck, no wonder its heart rate had dropped. Being born the normal way was strangling her. He was awed at seeing his baby, although he couldn't tell yet if it was a boy or a girl, part of him was, even to this moment, still holding out hope the doctor had made a mistake and that it was a boy. Nonetheless, he could feel Emily's apprehension, he was scared too: the baby hadn't cried. Suddenly Emily began to hear a little whimpering followed by a loud cry and sighed with relief.

"Okay Emily, Bob, congratulations on your beautiful little baby girl she's just perfect and was born just in time."

"She's okay!" Emily exclaimed.

"It's, it's a girl?" Bob had to question, trying to hide what he felt was obvious disappointment.

"Yes she's a girl and she's going to Mommy and Daddy now for a kiss."

Before Bob could blink there was a baby in his arms. He was wowed. He supposed he couldn't be upset now, given the fact that they almost just lost her and that she almost just lost her own life, just trying to be born. In fact, he found that rather than upset, he was relieved.

"Hi beautiful." Was all that would come from his lips. She was beautiful, and his baby and there was absolutely no sense in denying that now or wanting to take it back.

"Hi my little baby." Emily was overjoyed and relieved that she'd made it. She was crying and anxious to see the baby girl she'd carried for the last nine months, sad that she couldn't hold her right when she was born, like she'd been waiting for, but at the same time so relieved now that she'd get to hold her at all.

"Here Emily, look. Look, here she is." He said, showing her the baby.

"Hi! Hi sweetheart! Mommy loves you, yes!" Emily squealed, kissing the newborn's forehead. Bob watched his wife very carefully as she talked to the baby in his arms. He could sense her relief and her joy.

"What's her name, do you have a name?" One of the nurses asked him when she took the baby.

"Lauren."

Something felt weirder about giving Lauren up to the nurse than any of his other three children and he didn't know what. He didn't want to give her up. He'd noticed a few different things about Lauren in the last few moments. Her hair was so light brown it was almost blonde and he found that really unique. Also, she had his eyes and even a hint of his smile. None of the other three came that close to resembling him nearly as much as she.

"Lauren." She repeated.

Bob looked back at Emily who was still in the middle of her operation. He was torn between staying with her and going with Lauren. Something inside him though, forced him to go with the baby anyway. He knew she needed him far more than his wife, although she seemed like she was more than fine and happy too.

Bob went over to look at his daughter, noticing right a way that something wasn't quite right with her, or at least it seemed that way. It was the color of her skin…she seemed like she had the slightest blue tint to her all of a sudden and in the bright light, where the nurses were tending to her, you could really tell. He wondered momentarily, if maybe c-section babies looked a little different, this was his first, so he wasn't sure.

"W-what's the deal with her being kind of blue?" He decided to ask, the baby catching his attention as she began to cry.

"Dr. Hartley, I'm going to need to talk to you for a moment, can you step outside?" One of the nurses asked him.

"S-sure." He said, apprehensively.

"Bob, what's going on?" Emily asked as he walked passed her, she could tell the baby's tears didn't sound quite normal.

"I-I don't know Emily." He covered, "I'll be right back."

In truth Bob did know, or at least he had a good guess: he thought the baby's heart had something wrong after all.

"What is it?" He asked the nurse point blank, "Why is my baby blue?"

"We don't know yet, it could be a number of things…but her heart doesn't sound as good as we'd like, so we're going to take her upstairs, you and your wife will probably given a room up there. And we're going to start testing her for congenital heart defects."

Bob felt like his own heart dropped to the pit of his stomach and broke in two when she said this.

"H-heart defects?" He swallowed.

"Yes, that's most likely what's wrong. Don't worry, it's the eighties, there's a lot that can be done for her." She said, noting that he was beginning to panic inside.

"A lot that can be done for her?" He questioned out loud once the nurse had left him and gone back inside the operating room. That made him feel like something really was truly very wrong. He dried a tear and followed her back inside.

…..

"How are you feeling Emily?" Bob asked.

An hour had passed and Emily was laying in bed now.

"Ooh, sore. Very sore. I don't think I liked that very much." She admitted. "Bob, where's our baby?" She asked, smiling up at him.

"O-our baby?"

"Yeah. You know, six pounds, nine ounces, just born. Blonde." Emily had noticed this too and she was intreagued by it. "Where is she? Do the nurses still have her because I really want t…"

"Emily. We need to talk." He said, watching her eyes grow wide with confusion and then fear.

"What! What happened? No body took my baby did they?!"

"No, no honey. Yes, the nurses have her she's safe d-down the hall."

"Well then why can't I see her, I mean I know I can't hold her yet because of the stitches but…" Bob sighed, interrupting her again.

"Emily. Oh Emily." He didn't know exactly where to begin.

He didn't appreciate having to be the one to tell his wife this. It didn't matter that he was her husband and a psychologist, her doctor really should've done it, or the same nurse that had told him, it didn't affect them in the same way, he was hurting too after all. He took her hand.

"Emily, Lauren's not doing to well."

"What!"

"Honey, she's down the hall, on supplemental oxygen being tested for a congenital heart defect." He said very calmly. He figured it was best to get it all out in one breath and Emily wasted no time in beginning to cry.

"You stupid jerk!" She yelled.

"What? Me!" He was shocked.

"Yes you!" She was sobbing. "You and your damn Mother! Neither of you wanted this baby, and I wanted her so much, and now she's tiny and helpless and dying! And I can't even be with her Bob! I can't even see her!"

"E-Emily we don't know she's dying!" He argued. Emily ignored him and continued to cry.

"How do you know? And what do you care?"

"What do I care?!" He was outraged. "She's my baby too!"

"Oh she's your baby too, Bob? The one who you told me you didn't want? More than once! Do you have any idea how much that hurt me? And I guess the baby must have felt it too, when she was at her most vuenerable…And then there's your mother, who went ballistic on me for when she found out it was a girl…those things Bob…they were barely forgivable…and now I know I never should've forgiven you." She concluded.

"What?!"

"You brought this on my baby by not wanting her!" She cried. "And now she needs me, more than she did all those months when I was the only one who wanted her…and I never even got to hold her." She reflected as she sobbed.

"Emily you'll get to hold her." He reassured.

"You don't know that!" Emily could barely process her grief. "And she's such a beautiful baby too! Go look at her Bob. Go look at her and ask yourself what made her any different from the other three in your stupid, selfish head! And ask yourself why she can't she have the same opportunities as her big sisters? Because now she's not going to, and it's your fault!"

"E-Emily, I…"

"Get out!"

"What?!"

"Bob, I'm not talking to you, get out of my room before I call a nurse."

"O-okay, if that's what you want. But Emily, I…"

"OUT!" She insisted.

Bob was devastated. He wiped a single tear away from his eye as he walked out into the hall. The news about the baby had been hard enough, but he'd never expected Emily to fault him for what was happening to her. Bob made his way down the hall to be with the person who mattered most now. He'd been told he'd get to sit with Lauren as much as he liked. But he was turned away from the nursery too because Lauren was still undergoing testing. Bob could see her from a distance and knew she was crying.

He could barely make himself leave, her situation being too much for him in the same way it had clearly been too much for Emily. He walked back out into the hall and sunk into a chair, placing his weary head in his shaky hands as he began to cry, the notion that this might really all be his fault beginning to resonate deeply with him.


	7. Lauren, Part 2

Chapter 7-

"How is she?" Bob asked, sipping the coffee he didn't want to drink only because he was starving and in need of something strong to keep him awake.

"Not great Bob." Emily's doctor offered. She liked Emily and Bob a lot, had delivered all of their children, and wished there was something more she could do about this entire situation.

Bob was beleaguered. He'd been living in the hospital for days with no permanent place to be: tending to Lauren and not speaking with Emily. It wasn't as if he didn't have enough to deal with given everything that was happening to Lauren. By this time it had been three long days since she was born. In that time she had been carefully undergoing testing, which was hard for Bob. Watching her go through this had been agonizing for him. And on top of it, Emily had been refusing to see or speak to him.

"Well I know that…she's shown no improvement?" He inquired.

Bob was aware of what had been happening: that Emily had been sedated a couple of times, not because she was hysterical but just so she'd be able to get some much needed sleep, and on top of that she'd been refusing to eat. He wondered what else could possibly be going on.

"Well it's just that she's so distraught…mentally she's in a bad place and emotionally I'm sure it's worse than bad…you can probably testify to that." He nodded. "But physically she's not doing wonderfully either Bob."

"What?" He'd been worried about Emily's emotional well being and had no idea that he had to be worried about her physically now too.

"She's not healing as well as we'd like from her c-section. She's going to be just fine, but it's slow going. I just had to tell her that she's going to have to put off holding your baby for a few more days and she's pretty upset about it."

"Oh no."

"Yeah I-I know…she won't be able to hold her until Friday now. I feel really badly but I think it's best."

"That's almost a week after she was born." Bob reflected.

"I know and I feel bad, especially given the circumstances but…"

"I understand." He offered.

"But she's very, very upset Bob. If I were you I'd get your other girls at least one of them: maybe Meghan because she's the oldest, to come and spend some time with Mommy…it would cheer her up."

Bob paused. Emily'd only spoken to him in order to ask him to let her see one of the girls, but he wasn't sure he wanted to bring any of them to this place and burden them with what was happening. There was a large part of him that didn't approve of this idea but if it would help Emily, he'd do it. There was no other choice.

"Well that's good." He said. "Because Meghan will be here any minute."

When the doctor left Bob walked down the hall to the place where he'd agreed to meet Ellen and Meghan. He was now more stressed than ever and having second thoughts about bringing his oldest daughter here. As of now she was at home being a normal little five year old not worrying about the health of her mother or sister and now he felt he was bringing her into something that shouldn't be any of her concern.

"Daddy!" Meghan squealed, letting go of her Aunt's hand and running into her father's arms. Ellen and Bob exchanged heavy-hearted glances.

"Hi sweetheart." He said, lifting her into his arms and kissing her forehead. He had no idea that holding Meghan would also comfort him instantly. "There's my girl, how are you doing?"

"I miss you." Meghan said, she had not seen either of her parents in several days.

"Oh I miss you too." He knew Meghan couldn't grasp the magnitude of that statement, but Ellen could.

"Why are you still here?" She asked, recalling that Molly had come home from the hospital only a day after she was born. "Aunt Ellen told me something was wrong with Lauren."

"Yeah, yeah there is honey."

"What is it?"

"I-I'll tell you when we get to go and see her."

"I get to see her!"

"Yes, you get to see her."

"Where's Mommy?"

"Mommy's sleeping but she can't wait to see you and we'll see her after we see Lauren. Okay."

"Okay." Meghan whispered. She was a little scared now.

Bob felt better entering the nursery, where he'd been with Lauren for a few days now, with Meghan in his arms. He hated being there alone. Ellen stayed outside to give Bob and Meghan some space alone with the baby.

"Meghan, this is your sister Lauren." He introduced.

"Why is she in the plastic thing?" She asked of the incubator her tiny sister was in.

Bob watched as Meghan's little eyes accessed all the different things attached to Lauren, they were there to monitor her heart and to help her with breathing. He noticed this seemed to frighten Meghan, that it was obvious to her that she didn't look like Molly had as a new baby and that there was a reason for it: a bad one.

"Well because she's not breathing so well Meghan and the plastic thing and all the wires give her better, cleaner air than you and I get, o-out here." He explained as simply as he could, knowing it wasn't even close to being a complete answer.

"What's wrong with her and Mommy?"

"Well. Mommy will tell you what happened with her. She'll be fine in a few days…"

Bob paused; he was worried to death about Emily's mental and emotional well-being, although he could say she'd ultimately be just fine physically. As a psychologist he thought he recognized some things the rest of the doctors were missing about his wife mentally. She'd been through a lot in the past couple of days and didn't at all seem like his same Emily at all. He hoped Meghan wouldn't notice when she saw her. He sighed and continued, deciding to tell Meghan the hardest part out of all of this.

"But we don't know about Lauren yet angel."

"Oh!" She was surprised and looked up at her father with wide eyes.

It pained him that they looked just like Emily's eyes, and it was like watching her freak out about the baby all over again. Emily had flipped out after throwing Bob out of her room, and he'd had to come back and be witness to it: and of course to be thrown out a second time.

"She uh…she's perfect accept. She's got something wrong in here, in her heart." He said, pointing to Meghan's own heart, so she'd get the idea. Meghan looked down at her tiny sister, wondering how this could possibly be.

"Her heart?"

"Yeah honey."

"What's wrong with it?"

"It uh-it has a a hole in it munchkin."

That was in fact, what seemed to be wrong, but the doctors weren't sure on the extent of the condition yet: what heart condition was it exactly? How big a hole? Did it need surgery? Was there a second condition? A third? Would Lauren make it at all?…These considerations swam around in Bob's mind all the time. He was never free from them, even in his sleep (which there had been very little of since the birth). He hated watching his little girl go through so much just in her first few days of life and wished he could endure everything for her. It terrified him that Meghan was scared, because he knew if Meghan was scared, it met tiny Lauren, who knew nothing at all and didn't feel well, was petrified.

"A hole!"

"Yeah a hole. It uh-it means it doesn't work right. Or they're afraid it doesn't."

"Poor sister."

"Yeah I know. They're still trying to figure out what's wrong."

"Can they fix it?" Meghan asked, realizing that a hole in the heart was probably not the same as a hole in a sock.

"They uh-they don't know yet." Bob was suddenly struck with the idea that he'd done the wrong thing in telling Meghan this, or in having her meet the baby, who might not even make it, at all. "They might be able to, they might not…they might not need to. We'll see."

"So she might not be okay?" Meghan clarified.

"No honey. And she might be just fine. We don't know."

"She's pretty Daddy."

"She is, isn't she?" He smiled, kissing Meghan again.

Meghan hugged her father, she could tell he needed her love and that was why she had been brought there. Meghan was upset enough that her sister was in this condition. Even though she was only five, she understood that she couldn't understand what it would be like for your baby to be in this condition.

"Wanna touch her, you can touch the baby Meghan." She only nodded and watched carefully as her father guided her hand into the little hole on the side of the big plastic box. Meghan could only think that her sister's skin was the softest she'd ever felt. She noted the baby gave a slight smile at her touch.

"Hey Lauren." Bob whispered, holding Meghan close. "Lauren, this is your big sister Meghan. Can you say hi?"

"No Daddy she can't say hi." Meghan giggled.

"No. She can't. Meghan's just one of three big sisters who really want you to-to-" Meghan observed that her father was trying to say something more but he couldn't get the words out. He was going to crack up and start crying. Knowing this, she decided to distract him, not realizing he'd already cried twice that day.

"Daddy she looks like you." She pointed out, not knowing that the reminder only hurt him more.

"You think so?" He asked, this made him want to cry too but he understood that she was trying to make him feel better so he did his best to refrain from allowing the tears to fall.

"Um-hum." Meghan was enthusiastic. She thought it was about time someone looked a little more like Daddy.

…

"Here you go princess, go see Mommy." Bob said, putting Meghan down when he got to Emily's door. This was his way of announcing to Emily that he was dropping her off, as they were still not speaking to each other.

"Meghan!" Emily squealed.

"Hi Mommy. Are you okay?"

"Yes sweetheart. Oh let me hug you!"

Meghan climbed onto her mother's bed and quickly found her way into her arms. Emily hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek, wanting to cry on her a little bit. She was relieved to hold a healthy child in her arms, especially one she was so close to. Meghan had a hard time getting onto the bed and couldn't understand why her Mom wouldn't help lift her up: she usually would've.

"Mommy why wouldn't you pick me up?"

"Because Mommy's tummy is healing and she can't lift anything." She couldn't even lift her new baby, if the baby was alright…

"Oh…Daddy said something happened to you when you were having the baby and you'd explain. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine angel. Mommy couldn't have the baby the normal way, like we talked about…because her cord, which we talked about too, was wrapped around her neck. So they cut my stomach open and got her out that way."

"So they sewed you up?"

"Y-yeah."

"Was it like Lauren's heart?"

"Daddy told you about Lauren's heart?" She was surprised.

"And I got to hold her hand. She kinda smiled at me."

"She did?" Emily was happy about this. Even if she wasn't well, maybe she wasn't suffering if she could smile at Meghan. That in its self would be a relief to her.

"Um-hum. She was sleepy, but happy."

"That's what new babies are like sometimes." Emily found herself smiling for the first time in days. Lauren was doing something a normal baby would do? Maybe she had a chance.

"Mommy…"

"Yes Meghan." She said, still hugging the girl tightly.

"Is it the same kind of hole in your tummy as in Lauren's heart?"

….

Night fell and Bob was the only parent, save one very distraught Mother, left in the NICU, the nursery for babies that weren't exactly thriving. Lauren was fast asleep and he sat there running his fingers through her barely there hair, concentrating intently on the way her little lips pouted out, trying to permanently imprint every little trace of her on his heart and mind, afraid that he'd forget if they lost her, but knowing that he could never forget. He wished he could hold her and kiss her, but just being able to touch her was better than nothing.

"Lauren. I'm so, so sorry honey."

He felt guilty and choked back tears. Maybe the stress he'd caused Emily early on in her development had caused her heart to not finish forming correctly. The heart, after all, does form very early in pregnancy, and hers would've finished around the time Emily almost miscarried…maybe that had something to do with it. He knew that was unrealistic but he felt it was necessary to blame himself to some degree. Emily had insisted.

In the morning, he and Emily would find out what was really wrong with Lauren and that scared him because he feared he'd hear the worst news possible. At the same time, he'd been watching her heart monitor. It was just as steady now as it had been before she was born. It wasn't as strong as some hearts, but it barely missed a beat and that calmed him.

"How ironic is it that, that I didn't want to be a father again." He admitted to her. "And here you are: you got the most from me." Lauren was very clearly his baby in almost the same way Meghan was very clearly Emily's, from everything to her hair all the way to her calm little disposition. "I think that if you, if you want you can blame Daddy for this."

"Dr. Hartley it's a birth defect, you're not at fault." One of the nurses soothed. She was tending to a baby a few feet away from Lauren and couldn't help but overhear him.

"It sure seems like I am. Can I hold her?" He asked, he didn't want to be told no even though he knew he would be. He'd only been allowed to hold her a few times and he was angry about it. She was a new baby and a sick one: she needed his love and comfort more than anything, and he knew it. "I-I mean I know there's a lot of stuff attached to her, but…"

"No I'm afraid not. Lauren needs her rest and so do you. Maybe you should go to bed now?"

"No!" He barked then caught himself. "No I uh…if this is all the time I'm getting with her, then I want every second of it." Bob was on the verge of crying.

Usually, he didn't like to think about his girls getting married. The idea made him heartsick, but he prayed that he'd be able to walk this one down the aisle. He'd rather live with the certainty of that than the regret of the alternative.

"I understand." She comforted. At the same time, she knew he needed to sleep. "But if you sleep now. You can be awake when she is." He looked up at her, realizing this was true. "You're not doing Lauren any good if your not awake. And I promise I'll come and get you if anything happens."

…..

Bob sat with Lauren a few more minutes then made his way back to his wife. Seeing Emily had not been so pleasant over the last few days and he was nervous about doing it again but knew it was the right thing. Bob was worried about her mental health and their relationship above all else. She blamed him, for Lauren's state and had rescinded the forgiveness she'd given him months earlier when he'd apologized for not wanting to become a father again.

Tonight he was determined to change some of that. He'd thought carefully about this and knew that: A. they had to be strong to help Lauren through whatever she needed to get through, their division wasn't going to do anything but hurt her more. B. They had three other small children, one of whom was just a toddler herself, to take care of and to stay a family for, and C. no matter what, he loved her too much to ever let her go. Children or not. Period. And he knew she loved him that way too even if she wasn't acting like it. D. Tonight was special and he wondered if she remembered like he did. They'd celebrate fifteen years as a couple that evening and by Spring fourteen years as a married couple.

"Hi honey." Bob said, announcing himself as he came into her room.

She sat up in bed, crossed her arms and refused to look at him. He watched her carefully, noting how beautiful he thought she was, even in her present condition and with such an unpleasant look on her face…and while she was so mad at him.

"Emily please speak to me."

"What do you want?"

"We have to talk."

"What is there to talk about?"

"There-there's a lot to talk about." He said.

"Where've you been all this time?" He raised an eyebrow, didn't she know?

"W-with Lauren. Where else would I be?"

"I wanna be with Lauren." She pouted.

"I-I know you do Emily." He said as she began to cry again. He sat on the edge of her bed and tried to dry her tears but she pulled away.

"No! Bob go away."

"Emily listen to me!" He burst, grabbing her shoulders.

She turned to look at him, staring back with wide blue eyes. She was shocked that he was asserting himself this way. Usually, he gave her space when she knew she needed it.

"Emily. I'm sorry for however I was feeling at the beginning of your pregnancy. Yes I was upset. Yes, my Mother said some awful things, for which she's now devastated, but that's another story…" Martha had been to the hospital and she was hysterical as she thought it was all her fault. "But I have shown nothing but love to Lauren since I brought you home from the hospital seven months ago…and I've spent almost every second of her life with her…"

"For three days…I've spent the past nine months…" Emily began crying again. She choked on her words and could barely get them out. "I spent them taking care of her when she was at her most venerable. From the time she was nothing, defending her from you, and your Mom and from everybody…trying to make sure she just grew into a healthy baby and look…oh Bob!" She cried, allowing herself to collapse in his arms.

"Shu Emily it's okay. I know my part cannot compare to yours. And I'm not trying to make it compare. I'm only offering my best, and trying to prove how much I love our baby. She needs you and I to love her and be strong for her together. Whatever's wrong or not wrong, or whatever, I think that's going to make all the difference in the world for her if we're in it together. I'm sorry if I hurt you. But you and I need each other too…I'm not willing to give up on us for anything."

Emily sniffled, a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Meghan told me Lauren smiled at her."

"Yeah, she uh, she smiles a little bit." Bob managed to smile, thinking of this.

"Oh Bob, is she okay?" Emily whispered.

She hadn't been seeing Lauren. In fact, she hadn't seen her since she was born and in retrospect, Emily thought this was driving her crazy. Being separated from her newborn, especially when she was so sick, was just cruel. Emily had had so much bonding time with her first three babies and felt so close to them instantaneously. She was afraid Lauren wouldn't love her or remember her and Emily longed to see her and be able to bond with her.

"She's beautiful." He smiled simply, trying to comfort her.

"She has your eyes." She mentioned as a peace offering.

"I know. Emily I uh- I don't know if you could tell when she was just born and everything, but uh, she's kind of just a little bit blonde."

"She gets that from Martha." Emily considered.

"Maybe yeah. Ellen was blonde when she was a newborn. I don't think it'll last, there's a little bit of brown in it too."

"Bob. Whatever she is. She's beautiful and I love her." She said, leaning over and kissing him softly.

"Oh Emily, I love her too. You know what uh, what happened fifteen years ago today…it was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"What?" She smiled, knowing the answer already.

"We met for the first time. I'll never forget we were both stood up on a blind date. And I looked over at this other table set for two and saw the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen sitting all by herself with a lit candle and a red rose. And I thought, gee that poor jerk who stood her up didn't know what he was missing. Anybody would be lucky to be with her."

"Oh Bob do you really mean that?"

"With every bit of my heart." He affirmed.

"I love you."

"I love you too. And we're in this together: you, me and our baby girl."

….

"Meghan?" Ellen called.

She was looking all around the house for her oldest niece who'd been upset and distant since they'd left the hospital earlier. Bridget, Molly, and the twins were making cookies with Howard but Meghan had stormed up the stairs. Ellen finally found Meghan in her parent's room peering down into an empty bassinet.

"This is where Mommy said she'd put her when they got home." She said simply. "If she doesn't come home can we put the bassinet and the crib and the clothes and everything somewhere Mommy won't see them? So she won't cry?" Meghan had ascertained, earlier that her mother's state was fragile and it scared her.

"Oh Meghan honey come here." Ellen held out her arms for Meghan. She hugged her and kissed her cheek. "Sweetheart, it's going to be okay. Lauren has a good chance at coming home. And she looked like a fighter, don't you think?"

"She smiled at me." Meghan considered.

"Me too. And I think baby sister will be just fine."

"How do you know?"

"I don't. It's a feeling Meghan. But that's what I think."

"If she's not. Can we move the stuff?"

"I guess. I think that might hurt Mommy more honey."

"Why?"

"Well to have memories of her new baby erased. That would hurt me if it were me." Ellen thought she'd rather face the memories than have them moved away from her.

"Oh." Meghan paused maybe this made sense to her.

"And I think you'd better apologize to Bridget and Molly." Ellen suggested and Meghan smiled.

"It's true."

"No its not true." Ellen cautioned.

"Yes it is, I'm Mommy's favorite, I know I am. Why else would she want me to come to the hospital and not them?!"


	8. Your Love is Enough, Part I

Chapter 8- Your Love is Enough, Part I

Bob sat and held Emily in silence, rocking her affectionately in his arms. She cried into his chest, her arms wrapped totally around him, holding him as well. Each was consumed with worry and fear. They held each other as they might hold the baby under other circumstances. Emily was very glad to be in his embrace. She felt the kind of genuine love from him that she was used to receiving. Emily was desperate for the healing of her marriage. They'd been fighting so much over the last ten months, fighting in a way they never had before in their life together and she hated it, it scared her. It wasn't like them and she'd been afraid it met the end for them as a couple.

"Oh Bob, you do still love me."

"Of course I still love you." He said. "I adore you Emily. Why do you think I haven't left our baby's side in days? It's because I adore you both. Emily I-uh…I had her baptized."

"You did?" She asked. She was okay with this, despite the fact that she would've liked to have been there.

"Yeah. A-a few hours after she was born. When she wasn't doing so well, I had to. I-I couldn't justify not baptizing her." He confessed.

In truth, he'd given Lauren back to God that night, the night she was born, in the hope that he would give her back to him and Emily once again. Bob was beginning to believe that God was doing just that. Despite Lauren's situation, he could see strength in her.

"Oh Bob I'm so scared for her."

"I-I know, but it will be okay."

"You don't know that." She cried. "Bob…I don't know if I can stand loosing my baby." Emily confessed as a new wave of tears hit her and she began to sob.

"I know Emily. I know sweetheart. But our baby's a fighter. She's strong. She'll make it through."

…

Meghan sat up in bed wanting to cry as she listened to Uncle Howard snore down the hall. It was weird to have her Aunt and Uncle sleeping in her parent's bed. She didn't think she liked it. Separation from Mommy and Daddy was hard enough. This made her think they were never coming back: it made her feel desperate. Meghan looked out the window at the falling rain, staring almost as if she were in a trance. She kind of wanted to climb into the window seat where she often sat reading with her Mother and sisters but she didn't move from her place in bed. She wished that that's where she was now: some place cozy with Mommy, Molly and Bridget.

She looked over at Bridget who was fast asleep and didn't have a worry in the world. Meghan didn't have the heart to tell Bridget and Molly what was happening with their youngest sister Lauren. She knew that it would confuse Bridget: she was the smartest of the three of them and she'd wrack her little brain for a solution to their sister's problem and ultimately come up empty handed. She thought Molly was too little to understand, being only two, and knew that if she did she'd just be very upset by the news: Molly was the most sensitive and caring person in the family by far and Meghan didn't want to distress her.

As for herself, Meghan was scared, and terribly burdened: heartsick might be the best way to describe it and on top of it she was tired. Meghan couldn't tell time, but she knew it was some horrible hour, that it was the middle of the night and way past her bedtime. Meghan rubbed her eyes as she began to whimper, no longer able to hold her tears in as the combination of sadness, fear and being overtired had gotten to her. She grabbed her rag doll and rolled out of bed, deciding to go and see if there was some off chance her Aunt Ellen was awake. She wanted Mommy, but knew Aunt Ellen was the next best thing.

Ellen was half asleep, she was tired and trying to get rest, but the lump in her throat wouldn't let her sleep. She was also beside herself with worry, not only about Lauren but about Meghan. She wished she never would've taken her to see Emily and the baby. If it was too much for her, it was certainly too much for a little kid to handle.

"Aunt Ellen?" Meghan cried.

"Hi honey." She whispered to Meghan, "What is it?"

"I'm sad and scared and tired." Meghan said, rubbing her eyes vigorously.

"What? What? I'll solve the puzzle!" Howard shouted, sitting up in bed.

"Shu, Howard! Oh sweetheart, come here." Ellen soothed, lifting the girl into her arms.

"Wait, why is Meghan crying?" Howard was immediately concerned. Ellen shot him a 'you know why!' glare as she settled Meghan into her arms.

In hindsight, Ellen felt bad that she had agreed to bring Meghan to the hospital. While it was Bob and Emily's decision, she was the one currently caring for the girl and her sisters and thought that she should've realized that her brother was not exercising the best discretion when he requested that Meghan visit.

"Meghan, Meghan there's nothing to worry about." Ellen began.

"Yeah that's right." Howard reached over and gently wiped a tear off Meghan's cheek with his thumb.

"But, but…"

"Meghan, she's your baby sister but it's Mommy and Daddy's job to take care of her. Not yours. I know its sad and its scary but you're a five-year-old little girl and…"

"But I'm her leader." Meghan said, biting her thumb.

"What?" Ellen asked.

"Ellen, I knew it, kids are aliens!" He'd been convinced of this since he watched his twin sons be born. Something about the experience had rekindled visions of the movie, Alien.

"Howard, shu that's ridiculous! Meghan honey what are you talking about?"

"I'm her big sister. I'm supposed to help protect her."

"That's very honorable Meghan. I'm proud of you." Ellen smiled. "You're a wonderful big sister and you don't have to do anything more: that's enough. Your love is all Lauren needs. You don't have to do anything more sweetheart."

"But I…"

"She's right. Meghan, it'll be okay. You know sometimes even grown ups can't do anything but wait and pray." Howard told her.

"Like we said." Ellen smiled. "Your love is enough. The fact that you care so much for your baby sister is enough. And now it's time for bed." Howard and Ellen tucked Meghan into bed in between them and gave her a kiss.

"We love you sweetheart." Howard told her. "You're an awesome kid."

"And there's no reason for you to worry. No reason at all."

…..

Bob fell asleep sitting up next to Emily in bed, his head slumped over to the side on top of hers. She'd fallen asleep with her face on his shoulder. This was the most comfortable sleep Bob had had in several days, having spent nights sleeping in chairs and other places one was not met to sleep. Emily felt the same, having Bob close to her put her at ease emotionally and she slept well that night. Every nurse who'd gone by was pleased by this as well, having been witness to their several day-long fight. Healing their relationship was what they both needed most.

Bob awoke when Emily began to stir. This was the morning that they'd find out about Lauren. He was scared, but decided not to show it for Emily's sake. No matter how he felt he had to be strong for her. It was important to him that he keep her from falling apart again for as long as possible. He kissed his best friend's forehead in a morning greeting, having missed her over the past few days in addition to everything else. He was so thankful to be with her again, the idea of loosing his relationship with her had weighed heavily on his heart.

"Hum…hi Bob."

"Hi honey." He whispered.

"Today's the, the day." She reminded.

"I know…" Bob stopped when he heard a baby make a fussing sound…he looked up from his wife for the first time that day to see a bassinet just a few feet from her bed.

"Bob! Do you think they brought somebody else's baby in here?" Emily was worried about where Lauren was now. Bob got up to look in the bassinet. He could see the tag before he cold see the baby's face. It read: Hartley, Lauren.

"No uh, Emily this, this is our baby." He laughed, thinking that this was probably a good sign that she'd been brought there.

Lauren blinked a few times and fussed as her father lifted her into his arms. She had the urge to fight back as she didn't want to be picked up, but her little arms were far too tiny and her efforts to resist being picked up were more than futile: they went virtually unnoticed. She'd been calmly laying there awake since a nurse had brought her into the room an hour or so beforehand. So far she liked this new feeling she was experiencing: of being totally left alone. She liked not having anybody touching her, being away from the bright lights, and being wrapped up all snug in a blanket instead of in an incubator with all these wires attached to her chest. Life was so much more comfortable this way. And in a way she kind of felt okay now…she liked it, which is why she was so upset that her father picked her up because she thought she'd be put back where she was before.

"Lauren shu, it's just Daddy it's okay, you know Daddy." He comforted, smiling down at her, so glad he was finally able to just cradle her in his arms like he'd been waiting to for days. He relished holding the tiny baby and watched her sigh, seeming as if she'd gotten more comfortable in his arms. Lauren noticed the difference between being held by her father and held by a nurse and she was immediately relieved that it was her Daddy.

"Oh Bob is it really her?" Emily asked eagerly.

"Yeah, this is her without a doubt. I'd know her from anywhere."

"Oh please Bob can I see her?" She begged.

"Of course. Can you hold her yet?" He asked, not wanting to remind her that the answer was no.

"I don't think so, no. Not for a couple of days." She said sadly. "But I can give her a kiss, touch her head…" She began as Bob eased himself back onto the bed next to her.

Emily began to cry again when he lifted Lauren up to see her. She'd been so afraid that even this moment, of being able to see the baby again and touch her and talk to her wasn't going to come. Bob settled back into the place where he'd slept crowded up next to his wife in the twin hospital bed. She cuddled up to him and joined them in greeting their new little baby together.

"Hi sweetheart. Hi, do you remember Mommy's voice honey?" She asked, surprised when Lauren's eyes fluttered open. "Oh Bob she wow she's got your eyes!" She said. She knew this was true, but seeing the baby's eyes look up at her in this way made a different kind of impact, it amazed her a little.

"I know." He paused, realizing that he'd gotten to bond with the baby and she hadn't. "She uh…she's got your nose Emily, a-and your ears." He pointed out, wanting to make her feel like she had some connection to the baby.

"And she's got Daddy's smile and his eyes. She looks like you: not like me. Hey Lauren…somebody's extra perfect, aren't they? Yes Miss, I'm talking to you." Emily smiled brightly as she kissed newborn Lauren's cheek and played with her little fingers. "You're just perfect." Emily was overjoyed that she was finally allowed to see the baby. And even if she wasn't 'perfect' Emily still thought she was. "It's amazing how it never quite stops being amazing…isn't it Bob?" She asked.

"It sure is." He agreed, kissing her cheek. "She's perfect Emily. And she's so strong. How are you feeling?"

"I'm still worried about her. A lot. I'm in a lot of pain and I want to hold her, real, real bad. What do you think it means that she's here in the room with us?" She was afraid it was bad news, that maybe it wasn't worth the effort to keep her on oxygen anymore.

"I think it's wonderful." He said, cradling her tiny head in his hands.

"Wonderful?" Emily wanted to think of it this way but wasn't sure.

"Yeah. You see she's breathing nice and steady all by herself. She's responding to you. She's comfortable in my arms…"

"When do we see the doctor?" She asked of the pediatric cardiologist who was coming to see them later on that day.

"In about…two hours. Can you walk Emily?"

"Yeah. I can walk a little. Not too far though. I know I'll sure be happy to put some real clothes back on." She said, she hated that she'd spent five days now in a hospital gown. "But I just want to hold my baby."

…

"Hey my little Princess." Bob said.

He was happy to be alone with Lauren. He'd taken her on a walk through the hospital while Emily was being seen by her own doctor. He was happy they hadn't had to do this c-section thing until their last baby, having no idea until now that it was such a harsh procedure…at least it had been for Emily. She was faring worse physically after Lauren's birth than she had after Meghan and Molly's combined and that concerned him greatly.

He stopped in front of a large window overlooking the street and the park, it was a random hallway with almost no one around and he was glad that he'd found that place because he wanted to be alone to talk to his little girl. Lauren was wide-awake now, swaddled in her receiving blanket with a tiny pink cap on her head. He looked down at her, noting that she looked so very tiny and completely helpless.

"You've never looked so beautiful." He said, tears coming to his eyes.

He closed his eyes and kissed the baby's forehead softly. When he was done with his kiss, he leaned his head in close to hers and began to pray. Lauren looked up at her father, her newborn eyes sort of struggling to see him. Lauren sighed, knowing who he was anyway and feeling completely comforted by his loving gesture. After a few moments he pulled his face away from the baby's and just stared down at her. Her perfect blue eyes met his gaze and the two studied each other for a moment, her wonderment at looking up at him like that causing Bob to smile.

"Lauren, I'm so, so sorry honey…for, for how I was mean to Mommy, for not wanting to have another baby, for wanting you to be a son so badly when you were destined to be a beautiful little girl. If you can ever find a way to-to forgive Daddy, he'd like that: if he should be forgiven that is…And it's going to be okay. Mommy and I are here for you no matter what. Through thick and thin." He promised, taking her hand and beginning to study her tiny fingers, which had been tucked carefully into the blanket until now. He noted the tips of her fingers didn't look right: they were purple. He leaned down and kissed her tiny hand, a single tear making it's way down his cheek and onto her tiny face.

"Baby I'm sorry I didn't mean to cry on you." He apologized.

It agonized him that he'd cried on the baby the first time he became a father. He'd walked down the same hallway the night Meghan was born, carrying a thriving new life in his arms and when he'd gotten to Emily they'd both cried on the newborn girl, barely believing they were blessed enough to be her parents. The night of Meghan's birth he'd started to think about her future: about first steps, kindergarten, high school, college…about how she'd be his little girl and one day he'd have to watch her grow up and eventually give her away…Five and half years later he stood almost in the same place, crying because he wasn't sure this daughter would make it to all those things, even to first steps. He looked down at the infant in his arms, so tiny and covered in a pink hat and blanket.

"One day Lauren. When you're, when you're big and grown up, Daddy's going to take you on another walk…and you'll be beautiful like a princess and all dressed in white, with everybody looking at you…and I'll be taking you to someone else whose supposed to take care of you too…Oh Lauren, just please let me get you there."

Lauren smiled. Bob turned away from the window and began to walk down the hall again. He held his daughter close as he made his way back to Emily's room: it was time to meet the cardiologist.


	9. Your Love is Enough, Part II

Chapter 9- Your Love Is Enough, Part II

Bob held Lauren tightly as they waited for the doctor to come. He was afraid that she'd just slip away from his grasp into nothingness. He looked over at Emily and knew that her own nerves were driving her crazy and that she was about to cry. In truth she to wanted to grab Lauren, hug her and never let go. She leaned over as best she could and gave Lauren's bald little head a simple kiss. Her own doctor had just left, having told her she had healed well enough to be able to hold the baby in two days. Two days seemed like it was so far away…too far away when it was so important to hold her right then. Emily worried that she'd have to leave the baby at the hospital, just as she was strong enough to hold her.

"It'll be okay Emily." Bob promised, taking her hand. She was doubtful, how was he to know it was going to be okay? "What did the doctor say?"

"I'm finally starting to heal like they'd like…I get to go home Friday and I get to hold Lauren…Bob I don't want to have to leave her here just when I can hold her!"

"Emily it'll…"

"Dr. and Mrs. Hartley?" Came a voice from the door. An hour or so had passed and it was finally time to hear what was happening with Lauren.

"Yes." Emily looked up, hopeful for a moment when she noticed the doctor, a younger woman with strawberry blonde hair, smile at her. Maybe that met she wasn't the bearer of bad tidings.

"Hi I'm Rachel Montgomery." Emily's heart began to pound as the woman sat down. "Lauren's cardiologist. How's she doing today?" She smiled, looking down at Lauren who was now sleeping in her father's arms.

"Good we think." Bob said quickly. "She had purple fingertips earlier, but other than that, she's happy, she's breathing okay, she seems perfect, except apparently she's not."

"And we woke up and she was with us instead of in the nursery."

"Well before we begin I just want to tell you up front that she does have a heart defect and there's a long road to full recovery, but she's going to be fine ultimately." Both Bob and Emily heaved a sigh of relief when she said this. It was still bad news, but it was better than what they had feared. "And you'll be able to take her home whenever Mrs. Hartley is ready to go home. That's why she's here with you now. She'll technically be discharged today."

"That's wonderful!" Emily exclaimed, tears coming to her eyes again. It was a relief to her that Lauren would be discharged before she would. "But what do you mean long road?"

"And Ultimately? What's, what's the defect?" Bob asked.

"She has a hole in her heart."

"That sounds serious." Emily was upset.

"It can be. There are many types of heart defects babies can be born with but hers is one of the most common. It's a Ventricular Septal Defect; it's a hole in the septum or wall of the heart, the wall that divides the left and right ventricles. These holes can vary greatly in size and placement. The condition, in short, causes oxygen rich blood to mix with poorly oxygenated blood through the hole in the heart. This means that the blood running through her body is oxygen deprived. The bigger the hole, the less oxygenated her blood is."

"Well that's how it started, she was turning blue a few minutes after she was born I was with her, and they told me that's what it probably was." Bob and Emily already knew a little bit of what she was telling them.

"We were testing and observing her for a few days to try to determine everything that was going on, as you know. Lauren's really lucky in several ways. First, a lot of babies with this condition have it in a place that jeopardizes the rest of the heart's functions: hers doesn't at all. It's in a good spot, not endangering other structures of the heart. That in its self is a big hurdle and it means that her heart won't be further damaged by the hole over time. The other thing she has going for her is that many people with this condition have an accompanying heart condition, sometimes two and Lauren just has the one hole to worry about."

"So there's nothing that can be done about the hole?" Bob asked, looking down hopelessly at his sleeping baby.

"There's surgery." Dr. Montgomery suggested. Emily gasped when she said this, the idea of her baby having heart surgery made her sick. "Surgery is a viable possibility for Lauren. The hole's not big. But, it's also not the smallest hole in the world. So, our first option for treatment is waiting: time."

"Waiting?" Bob was surprised.

"Yes, you see, its not uncommon for the hole to close up over time in a baby with this condition. And I think Lauren really has a good chance of having this happen over time."

"Is this something that can wait?" Emily was concerned.

"Yes. We routinely wait and often we get a year, or close to it, down the road and the heart has healed its self at least to some extent."

"So, she's fine for now?" Emily asked, thinking they wouldn't send her home with a baby that was seriously ill.

"Excellent considering the condition. I'd say just remember that its there. Keep an eye out for cyanosis that is if she's showing signs of poor circulation: blue lips, fingernails, grey skin, like what you saw when she was born and earlier today. You're likely to see a little bit of that until it closes completely. We'll give you some medication to help deal with that, that she'll have to take once daily…"

"Medication…" Emily wasn't sure she liked this as a solution.

"Yes. It should make baby more comfortable. There will be three of them."

"Three of them?" Emily began to cry and Bob took her hand.

"Yes. One to keep her heartbeat regular." Bob began to dry Emily's tears with his free hand as the doctor continued. "One to increase the strength of the heart's contractions and finally one to decrease the amount of fluid in circulation. The good news is that her blood is oxygenated well for someone with a hole of that size." She continued. "Notice how she's recovered from the blue finger tips earlier?" The doctor asked and Bob nodded. Lauren's fingers, which had been purple an hour before, were now nice and pink. "She's very lucky but she's not out of the woods yet." Emily wanted to hold Lauren even more now.

"So we won't know if she's having surgery for another year?" Emily asked anxiously.

"No. Not for another year. Some babies get a smaller surgery before their real surgery to alleviate some of the symptoms, but her condition isn't quite serious enough to warrant that."

"T-that's good." Bob thought out loud.

"Yes. It is." Dr. Montgomery smiled.

"What would the surgery entail?'

"There are a lot of ways it's done, it would depend on how big the whole was when she's one. I'd say it would at this point, most likely be open heart surgery," Emily felt like she'd been struck when she said this and for a moment everything was a blur, "it would involve sewing a patch over the hole, almost like a skin graft, and that slowly her own heart tissue would begin to grow over it."

"So its like you're helping the body, patch the hole." Bob guessed.

"Yes exactly." She acknowledged.

"What about taking care of her?" Emily inquired as she sniffled.

"So, should we raise her any differently, knowing…" Bob inquired.

"That's the other thing I have to talk to you about, her care. Do you have other children?" The doctor asked.

"Three other girls." Bob replied.

"Take her home, raise her just like the other three. She will need special attentiveness, but not special care. Everything you've done for your other babies should work just fine. Just realize that you should be extra gentle and extra attentive to this one." Emily wanted to tell her she was always extra attentive. "She might be fussier than your other daughters, clingier…She'll likely be slower eating, crawling, walking and growing…hence her measuring on a small side while in the womb. She'll probably tire quicker than most other babies and she might have the tendency to run a fever."

"Wow that's, that's a lot." Bob remarked nervously.

"I know. But you should also expect times when she'll be perfectly fine, like now. As a matter of fact, she gained a few ounces in the nursery, but I still expect her weight gain to be slower compared with other babies. About the cyanosis, make sure she's breathing well, that she's not turning colors all the time. This is something to be mindful of but not paranoid about. It should happen from time to time but if it doesn't stop or is in multiple areas of the body there's a problem."

"So…" Bob began. "Pay attention, but don't worry about it?"

"Exactly. She's been breathing very well on her own all this time."

"That's true." Emily remarked, wondering if this was due to medication or the baby's own strength.

"I'd like you to bring Lauren back to see me a year from now. Just a few days after she turns one. If you have any questions or if she gets worse you can call me before then as well."

"What do we tell our other girls about this?" Bob wondered if he'd done the right thing in telling Meghan. He'd been burdened by it since he'd done it. "Our oldest knows."

"And she's only five." Emily added.

"How old are they?"

"Two, four and five."

"Well they're little but they could be helpful if they're around her a lot. They might notice blue fingernails or grey cheeks before you do."

Emily was somewhat resentful of this comment: she was tedious when it came to noticing things about her babies.

"One more question. Is there anyone in your family who may have this condition?" Dr. Montgomery asked.

…

_**Two Weeks Later: November 25**__**th**__**, 1982- Thanksgiving **_

"It's nice to have you both home." Ellen told Emily.

She and Howard were cooking Thanksgiving dinner by themselves at Bob and Emily's that year. Emily smiled; she sat in the kitchen with them, rocking Lauren. Both women were equally thankful that Martha wouldn't be attending their celebration that year as she and Herb had gone out of town to see Bob and Ellen's brother Richard and his family.

"I'm so happy to be home." Emily replied, "You have no idea."

"How's Lauren?" Howard asked.

"Adorable and fast asleep." She giggled.

Emily smiled and buried her face in Lauren's tiny head, giving the newborn girl a kiss. It was easy for Bob and Emily to name what they were thankful for that year: being able to bring their brand new baby home and love her, knowing that even though she had difficulties ahead, she was going to live.

Their first days with Lauren had been hard, but in some way ideal. Bob considered that perhaps they just idealized them because they were so happy, but either way, it didn't matter. They'd spent a great deal of time getting used to giving Lauren her medications; afraid they'd do it wrong. There'd also been the matter of getting three small girls used to having a baby sister. Bob and Emily had decided to let Meghan and Bridget hold Lauren when they got home, but denied Molly the chance, which was something she wouldn't stop asking about, even two weeks later.

"Dolly!" She had burst excitedly once she saw Lauren.

"No sweetheart, baby, not dolly." Emily gave a nervous laugh as she corrected Molly. In light of that comment, Emily wondered if allowing the two to share a room was really such a good idea.

Molly was too tiny to hold her anyway, and the fact that she mistook her sister for a 'dolly' the first time they'd met only added to their hesitancy to allow the girl the privilege of holding her newborn sister. Bridget had been so proud of herself at being considered capable enough to hold Lauren and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Meanwhile, Bob and Emily were completely touched, and a little surprised at Meghan's reaction to holding the baby.

"It's you!" She exclaimed. Meghan had also been secretly worried they'd come home with a different baby, one that wasn't their baby, but she hadn't mentioned his fear to anyone, even Ellen. "I've been worried about you Lauren, but I knew you'd make it home! I just knew it!"

Meghan lye her head gently on top of Lauren's and kissed her just as Bridget had. Bob smiled as a tear came to his eye, those were sort of the words he'd been unable to finish days earlier when Meghan visited, 'You've got three big sisters, who really want you to come home,' Bob had intended to say, but busted up crying when he'd tried. Bob and Emily exchanged glances and then got on their knees to talk to Meghan.

"Sweetheart, I-I'm sorry for burdening you." Bob said.

"What's that mean?" Meghan asked.

"It uh, it means I'm sorry for letting you know the things I was, was worried about and allowing you to worry here by yourself."

"It's okay Daddy, I'm just happy she's here! And isn't that just the truth?"

"What I told you before?" He asked. She nodded. "You remembered our talk about telling the truth from what happened on Halloween…" On Halloween there'd been a small candy incident that had forced Bob to give his girls a small lecture on truth, which he had though would go totally unremembered. Meghan nodded again.

"Telling the truth is important Daddy, which is why I'm glad you told me the truth."

"Meghan, on top of it all, you're a really, really smart girl and a wonderful big sister and I'm so proud of you." Emily smiled and gave Meghan a kiss on the head.

Not much had changed in the two weeks that had passed since then. Well, so they thought. Emily would still barely put Lauren down, she hadn't since she'd been able to lift her. She was slowly recovering from her c-section and was starting to be able to do normal things again, little by little. And the baby was still the highlight of her family's world, and that included the Borden house next door too. Martha Hartley had been a notable absence, not just today, on Thanksgiving, but she had not been in to visit the new baby Lauren at all since she'd been home.

"Mommy?" Meghan asked, approaching her mother in the kitchen. Howard and Ellen listened carefully.

"Hi Meghan, how are you sweetheart?" Emily smiled.

"Mommy…will you play with me?" Bridget and Molly were in the living room playing with their Dad, but Meghan would have much preferred to be with Mom.

"Oh honey maybe in a few minutes once Lauren has her bottle and goes to sleep."

"But Mommy, I thought I was your favorite." She cried, the comment leaving her mother completely shocked.

…

"Emily I…I just wanted to tell you something, and I think it's perfect, given the fact that it's Thanksgiving and all…" Bob began as he climbed into bed with Emily.

Hours had passed and it was hard to believe, but Thanksgiving was pretty much over. In hindsight, it had been a challenging, but blessed year for both the Hartley's and the Borden's. Both, families had gotten stronger, one had gotten a little bigger and both had found new homes…all good things. However, a new calamity would begin the next day: the Christmas shopping season.

"Yes Bob?" She asked. Emily smiled up at Bob as she gave Lauren her bottle and was preparing to put her in the bassinet at her bedside.

"Emily, I love you and Lauren with all my heart." He began, looking down lovingly at the little baby as she ate. "I've been thinking about how she uh, she was made in, in love, in you and I trying so hard to forgive each other for something stupid. And I just wanted to- to make a couple of promises to you."

Emily smiled. She loved his promises. That was why she'd been so hurt over the past nine months. His not wanting the baby and their general arguing had been, to her, a sort of denial of his original promise to her: their marriage vows.

"I promise, the three of us are going to get through this together, you, me and baby girl." He said, she smiled and accepted his apology with a kiss. "A-and for that matter I'm done arguing with you. Let's, let's never do that again Emily. I hated it. I've had so many happy years with you, my best friend, and then that big long fight…I couldn't stand it. It hurt you and it hurt me… I'll never fight like that with you again I promise..."

"Oh Bob. We will get through this together. You've done so much for Lauren and me…you're a wonderful husband and a wonderful father…and don't forget that she and I will be here for you too Daddy." He smiled when she said this, having not thought of it in that particular way. "And don't worry: I promise to never fight like that with you again either. I love you!"

"I'm so glad you still love me." He laughed.

"Oh of course I do."

"Can I hold her?" He asked, wanting to hold the newborn as she drifted off to sleep.

"Sure sweetheart." She said, handing the baby over to him. "Uh Bob, there's something I wanted to talk to you about too."

"Yeah?"

"On a less, light note…what are we going to do about Meghan?"

"What about Meghan?" He raised an eyebrow.

"She thinks she's our favorite Bob."

"Huh?"


	10. A Matter of Life and Death, Part I

Chapter Ten- A Matter of Life and Death, Part I

_**February 9**__**th**__**, 1983, 1 am**_

"Hey, hey shu, shu it's gonna be okay Lauren. It's gonna be okay." Bob shushed as Lauren screamed. "Daddy's got you, he's got you, he's got you."

He was so glad they'd moved out of the apartment, they would've been kicked out due to the noise complaints by now if they hadn't. Lauren had been crying into the night every night for the past week and a half. Bob, Emily and Ellen were taking turns staying up with her in the living room so that it wouldn't wake up the older girls. Tonight was Bob's night with Lauren and she was screaming far more than usual. Most of the time she would fuss and not sleep but you could calm her down after a while but tonight's loud tears seemed to know no end. It bothered him that he knew a lot about babies and yet, there was nothing he could do to calm this one.

"Come on baby girl." Bob said. "I know you're not feeling that great, but you don't have to cry like this. Lauren it's only making you feel worse you-you know." He said.

Bob was really wondering if he shouldn't be thinking about taking her to the hospital…again, they'd been a couple of times since Lauren had been brought home and he hated the thought of taking her back. Part of him thought he should've gone an hour ago and another part just told himself to keep giving her more time, reasoning that if this were really about her heart she wouldn't have the lung capacity to cry like this, at least without changing color, which hadn't happened. At the same time he remembered that her heart problem could cause her to get fussy and feverish, which is exactly what she was right then.

"Bob? Is she still up?" Emily groaned, coming down the stairs, tying her robe as she walked into the living room.

"Oh she's very awake. She's screaming so loud she's practically shaking."

"I wonder what's wrong….oh Bob she's burning up!" Emily assessed, placing her hand on the baby's head.

"Maybe she's got that flu you've had." He offered, not wanting to worry her.

"Oh I don't know…I guess that might make sense. But I don't have a fever like this Bob. Oh come here sweetie. We're going to make you feel all-better." She promised, taking the screaming baby from him.

"E-Emily w-what are you doing?" While it might sound strange, he didn't want her to take the screaming baby from him. Instead he wanted to comfort her and rock her to sleep.

"I'm going to give Lauren a cold bath because it's the only thing that's going to bring her temperature down, maybe that'll stop the crying."

"Yeah, that's-that's probably a good idea." He agreed, following her toward the kitchen. "You know uh…fever's part of the, the heart thing." This was the reason he'd been considering another emergency room trip.

"I know." She said quietly, but he understood her, even over Lauren's tears.

The two paused for a moment, watching Lauren continue to shrill. They'd wondered, in moments like these, if she was in pain. This was something they'd asked and the doctors had been very vague about addressing. Bob and Emily were of the opinion that Lauren was feeling pain when she cried like this, but there was really nothing they could do about it. If the other girls had cried like this, they would've given them baby Tylenol, but the doctors had warned them against giving her anything like that on top of her heart medications. And so they were powerless. Bob watched as a single tear poured down Emily's cheek and he knew she was thinking the same thing he was, 'is our baby suffering?'

"Honey can you make a bottle while I try to cool her down?" Emily continued. It seemed to Bob that she didn't want to talk about the heart thing right then and neither did he.

"A bottle, won't that just make her warmer?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Well what are we supposed to do Bob, she needs to eat." Emily pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess so." He hesitantly agreed. "Emily are you sure we shouldn't take her somewhere: I don't think the other girls ever got the flu at this age." He said pointedly, reminding her that he didn't think the flu was the culprit here and he knew she really didn't either.

"All I know Bob, is that we're in for a long night."

…

"Mommy, Daddy! It's time to wake up!"

"Ah!" Bob and Emily jumped.

"Ahhh!" Meghan jumped too, her parent's alarm scaring her a little bit.

"Oh honey we're sorry." Emily yawned. "You just startled us."

It wasn't until then that Bob and Emily realized they'd fallen asleep on the couch with Lauren in their arms. The baby had finally fallen asleep after she'd been fed and her fever broken: the ice cold bath had really done the trick.

"Why isn't she wearing pajamas?" Meghan asked. Lauren was fast asleep in the thinnest swaddling blanket Emily had been able to find and just her diaper.

"Because she had a really bad fever last night." Emily continued.

"And we gave her a cold bath." Bob explained.

Meghan winced, remembering a time when they'd done this to her and Bridget. It was a long time ago. She thought it was before Molly had even been born and it was a horrible memory. Meghan hated even recalling the feeling of the ice-cold water all over her skin and didn't want to dwell on it.

"What time is it?" Bob asked, looking at the clock. "Eight-thirty!"

"I was trying to tell you I thought we were late Daddy but I can't tell time." Meghan informed. Bob sighed.

"It's not your fault. Come on lets get ready for school but you've got to hurry, okay, we're barely going to make it." He said, picking her up and beginning to rush up the stairs. "Bridget! It's time to get up!" Emily heard him call.

Emily remained on the couch, smiling down at Lauren who slept soundly after hours of putting her parents through hell. She watched Bob run upstairs with Meghan and made a mental note to tell him how excellent of a father she thought he was: she didn't think a lot of men would stay up all night with one daughter and spend their morning trying to get two others ready for school when they were late for work.

Bob left not fifteen minutes after he'd woken up and Emily was impressed with his new record. In that time he'd not only prepared himself for work but had also gotten Meghan and Bridget ready for school, and fed them breakfast. She wished she could work that fast. She only hoped for his sake that he'd be as efficient at dropping them off at two different schools (in two different parts of town) and getting to work on time. It was something she did most days and it was not an easy task even when you weren't necessarily pressed for time.

Emily was exhausted and had a long day ahead of her as well; one that would prove to be far crazier than Bob's morning. First she was going to leave Lauren and Molly with Martha (which she hated to do considering the way Martha had behaved toward her in the past year or so). Then she had a Doctor's appointment; Emily was excited that it was her last one related to having Lauren. After that she had to help Ellen prepare for the twins' birthday party (which was that night). Finally she had to pick her own Mother up from the airport. This full schedule didn't include the fact that: she'd be running all over town, that she had to actually attend the party later on in the evening, that she had to pick up all four girls at various points throughout the day and care for them too. Finally the night was guaranteed to hold what the last one did: she'd be up with Lauren until early in the morning.

"Hi." Emily smiled to Lauren when the baby woke up. She was relieved and sensed that she wasn't going to lye there and cry. "You feeling better sweetheart? Come on; let's go see what Molly's up to. Yeah, you wanna see what Molly's doing?" She asked, getting off the couch but still holding the infant closely as she made her way up the stairs. "I hope you sleep tonight because we've got a long, long day ahead of us."

….

"Martha this is what the cardiologist said to do with her, I just wish you would listen!"

Emily was frustrated and on the verge of crying. Part of her wanted to just give up and bring Molly and Lauren to the Doctor's with her, which of course she couldn't do. Martha had not stayed alone with Lauren before and Emily was trying to tell her important details regarding her care. But Martha didn't care to hear about the cyanosis, the fussing or the three medications and that distressed Emily greatly.

"Emily she's just like any other normal, healthy baby…" She said, laying Lauren in the playpen she had for the girls.

"No, no she's not Martha." Emily couldn't believe she could say this so calmly and realized it met she'd been reconciled to the truth about her baby's condition and its consequences at least in some sense. It was a big step.

"Emily that's non…"

"Nonsense? Martha we've taken her back to the hospital for poor circulation four times in three months, she cries all night every night!"

"Emily babies cry in the night…"

"Look." Emily interrupted sharply, causing Molly to look up from her place on the floor where she'd been playing with a toy phone. "I have to go to the Doctor. I don't really have a choice in the matter. I really need you to watch the girls. She's my fourth daughter Martha! I'm not exactly new to this. She doesn't cry like my other babies. She has a heart defect Martha. Plain and simple. I don't like the idea either but its something she needs us all to deal with sensitively and realistically." Emily felt very authoritative in saying this and she could see that Martha was a little shocked by it. She paused for a moment watching the look on her mother-in-law's face change a little but she couldn't read it, so she just continued. "We can't just pretend its not there…even though we might want to…There are times when Bob and I want to." She confessed. "So can I trust you to pay close attention, just for the few hours that I'm gone Martha, closer attention than with any other baby, to make sure she doesn't turn blue or purple?"

"Yes Emily." She said with a straight face. Emily couldn't tell what was running through Martha's head, and while part of her felt bad for being so authoritative over her own mother-in-law, a larger part was in anguish that she had to leave the girls there. This after all, was not some preference about how her daughter was cared for it was a matter of her life and death.

…..

"Oh Emily thank God you're here!" Ellen exclaimed, letting out an exasperated breath as she opened the front door.

"Ellen, what happened?" Emily asked, observing that her sister-in-law's hair was much messier than usual and she looked exhausted. Before she could speak she heard the unmistakable sound of glass shattering.

"Ryan Borden!" Ellen exclaimed, turning from the door and walking back in the living room.

Emily followed Ellen back through the house and to the kitchen in the back, observing that the place was a mess, she didn't know if or how they'd possibly get it clean before the party.

"Ellen, what happened?" Emily asked again.

"Ryan, Zachary….can you tell Mommy what happened with the vase?" Ellen asked, looking at the broken glass all over the floor. "And the peanut butter…" She stopped when she noted they had peanut butter all over their hands and faces, having somehow opened the jar that had been on the breakfast table from earlier that morning.

"Uh-oh." Zach said, looking at the glass and back up at his mother.

"Uh-oh is right." Ellen said, her voice indicating that she was angry with them.

"It's alright Ellen, I'll clean up the boys." Emily smiled, walking into the kitchen ahead of where Ellen stood.

Ellen sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She was of course glad that her boys were unharmed by the broken glass, but they'd been getting into things all day and she couldn't stand it anymore. This was easily the sixth mess they'd made and it was still early in the morning. Ellen surveyed the damage done and began to sweep up the broken glass as Emily cleaned up the twin boys.

They smiled at her and laughed as she rubbed their faces with a washcloth, thinking it was terribly funny. Emily gave a half-hearted smile inside. Ryan and Zach were adorable and a complete handful. None of her girls were like this, they weren't messy or rambunctious, but she knew from being a vice principal that many children, especially little boys, were that way. She wondered how her house would be different if even one of her girls had been a little boy.

"There. You're all clean now." She said, kissing Ryan and Zach on the forehead. They just giggled and ran away.

"Oh Ellen they're so cute." Emily laughed.

"Cute? Sure but they're so destructive Emily, I don't know what I'm going to do anymore…" Emily noted that Ellen seemed desperate with this comment.

"Well it's the terrible twos."

"It's this bad and they've been two, what all of eight or nine hours?"

"Well you could…" Emily stopped when they heard a thud.

"Ryan, Zach! What did u throw on the floor this time?"

…..

Two hours later Emily was finally at the Doctor's and was excited to be told she'd finally, officially and totally healed from her c-section.

"Emily um…"

"What?" She was concerned now and watched carefully as her doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Something, uh…interesting showed up in your test results."

"What?" She asked.

Emily was afraid, even noting that the doctor looked surprised rather than concerned. She had known something was not quite right, this flu hadn't gone away and had been lingering with her for several weeks, she just hoped there was no way it had interfered with her recovery.

"Believe it or not. You're pregnant."

"What?" She just blinked.

"You're having another baby Emily."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"No. You're pregnant…I didn't think you'd um…I'm surprised…"

Emily didn't reply, mortified at the prospect that she might even have to even explain herself.

"Well, I did tell you, you were healed well enough for it if you wanted to. When…"

"Two months ago: Christmastime. Are you telling me that I'm almost two months along without…"

"Yes."

"You're kidding me." She hoped she was kidding.

"No. I'm afraid not. Late December…"

"The 20th." Emily guessed, trying hard not to cry.

She was upset and didn't want anyone to know that she was on the precipice of tears. Five children? Bob had been so upset at four, she was sure he'd blow his stack at five, end their relationship at five…especially given that it would likely be a fifth girl. What would make it be a boy now? She was suddenly very terrified at the idea that she'd have to tell Bob this news and she did start to cry.

"December 20th…Emily, that would make you eight weeks…"

"Lauren's fourteen weeks." Emily bit her lip.

She'd been fearful enough to have her first three so close in age: each girl only being seven or eight months old when her younger sister was first expected…but for the age difference to be just six weeks…that was terrifying. That would mean Lauren would be, what…ten months old when the baby was born?

"And that would mean you're due in early September." Emily just stared at the floor, feeling like she was about to hyperventilate.

"Emily I can tell your upset but I promise you it's going to be okay. There are a lot of options…" She said, handing her a Kleenex.

"No." Emily said, the word options snapping her out of her malaise. "No. I would never ever do that to my baby." Emily said quickly, letting her know that this so called option was off the table. Period.

She would've never done it to begin with, but she had a new appreciation both for life, and for her children after almost loosing Lauren. The consideration that loosing Lauren was still a slim possibility tugged at Emily's heart and came out in the form of a choking sob just then. For a brief moment she feared the baby inside her, wondering if getting another new baby was an omen that Lauren wouldn't survive after all: if this was a replacement baby.

"September." Emily whispered. "That's, that's…"

"Not too far away." The doctor finished. Emily nodded. "Emily, I'm afraid we have to have a discussion we haven't had before." Emily's head snapped up when she said this.

"What?"

"Well this is going to be a high risk pregnancy."

"What?" She whispered.

"Well you just had a c-section fourteen weeks ago, everything's still healing, fusing back together. Your organs, your skin, your muscles…it's a very delicate thing…a growing baby puts all of that at risk."

"What are you saying?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.

"You're at risk for rupturing your uterus."

"What?!" Emily panicked. "What, do I, do I…are we going to be okay?"

"You're going to have to have another c-section when you give birth. There's no question about it. You might have to go on bed rest at some point to ease the pressure but that just depends on how things go. And I would urge you to do your best to not gain too much weight during this pregnancy, surely not like you did with Molly. Keep this baby as small as you can. That will help a lot. As for your odds…the pregnancy its self shouldn't give you too much trouble: labor's your big concern. The baby should be fine. But Emily I should warn you: there's a very slim chance of maternal death…"

"Maternal death?" Emily whispered, she was truly terrified at this thought. She swallowed, thinking of her little girls: Meghan, Bridget and Molly. She couldn't die now. She couldn't leave them.

"But Emily, it's very, very slim: a two-percent chance maybe. And it's 1983…there's a lot we can do to bring your baby into the world safely and keep you alive and well, even to make it a good pregnancy. We'll have to monitor everything very closely. I think it will help if we deliver her once she's full-term and not when she's due, which would be mid August, not September."

The rest of what the doctor had to say just became a blur for Emily. Another new baby? Maternal death? It was all much too much for her to handle and she knew she'd have to tell Bob that night.

….

The twins' party was a blur for Emily. She sat on the edge of Howard and Ellen's couch watching everybody else socialize, her own daughters helping their younger cousins un-wrap their gifts, and the twins going nuts fighting with the wrapping paper. Bob was even in the spirit of things; he was holding Lauren and walking around showing her off to guests. Meanwhile, her own Mother, Aggie was in the kitchen arguing about something with Martha, she wasn't sure what and was trying hard to not let it burden her.

As for herself, she sat in a calm silence, staring down at the floor as she twirled the wine in her glass gently. She couldn't drink it now that she was pregnant, so playing with it was the next best option. She pretended she was spending time watching the girls so that she wouldn't have to talk to anyone else and would ask one of them a question every few minutes just to give it that appearance. Ultimately Emily went home early, even before Carol and took the girls with her.

….

"Emily, why are you crying?" Bob was coming in awfully late and he felt bad about that. He'd been helping Ellen and Howard clean up after the party after everyone else went home.

Bob sat down next to his wife in bed and looked down into baby Lauren's face. She was drinking her bottle and was having a difficult time staying awake even though she was hungry. Emily smiled down at Lauren as she sniffled. At least Lauren had made terrific progress since last night and seemed to be feeling better.

"Hi Bob."

"Hi."

"Did you have a nice day?"

"Yeah. What's wrong?" She'd looked so upset all evening and he hadn't been able to ask her about it, it had been driving him crazy.

"Do you really want to know?" She asked.

"Well yeah, I, I hate to see you cry Emily." He said, drying her tears.

"Oh, that's sweet." Emily replied. She couldn't help but think that at least she was living her life with a sweet man. One who loved her more than anything.

"What is it honey?" He asked gently.

"Oh Bob, it's terrible, I can't even say it…I think I'm going to throw up."

"Emily! How could you be pregnant!" He yelled.

"Shu, shu, don't wake the girls…how did you know?"

"Because you never throw up unless…"

"I never do." She said, having not realized this about herself until she had heard the news earlier in the day.

"Emily, how…we've…once since Lauren was born, just once and…honey…it..."

"I know…I feel really bad."

"Emily honey, don't feel bad. It's my fault too."

"Bob, this means we're going to have five kids."

"Six if it's twins."

"Bob! Don't even tease about that."

"Sorry honey. Look, it won't be bad for our youngest two to be the same age."

"They will be won't they?" She was nervous about this but Bob was overpowered by a strange sense of calmness. He was determined to not treat her badly for something that wasn't her fault alone as he'd done just a year before when she told him she was having Lauren. Instead he'd get her through this time.

"Yeah, they will. Emily, I…"

"Mommy."

"What Bridget honey, what?" Emily asked four-year-old Bridget.

"I wanna see Lauren."

"Oh honey, you shouldn't get up just to see the baby."

"Did you just say something about another baby?" She asked, scratching her little head.

"Oh honey." Emily sighed, exchanging a concerned glance with her husband. "Yeah, we're going to have another baby."

"But Lauren's new."

"I know." Emily said.

"Why'd you do that?"

This seemed stupid to Bridget, the idea of getting a new baby when there was already a brand new one in the house who screamed all the time. Why would they do that? Bob and Emily were slightly amused and slightly embarrassed by this question.

"We didn't mean to." Bob replied. He didn't think he owed this explanation to his four-year-old.

"Sometimes that just happens honey."

"Like with me and Meghan and Molly?"

"Huh?" Emily questioned.

"We're all one right after the other too."

"Oh." Emily realized.

"Y-yeah." This recollection made Bob start to get nervous.

"It must mean you're doing a good job with Lauren!" She decided, by now she'd climbed on to her parent's bed and was trying to get a good look at the baby.

"Yeah, I guess it must."

"Thank you Bridget sweetheart." Emily smiled. "That makes Mommy feel better about something she's nervous about." Bridget beamed, liking this idea.

"Daddy too. Now it's time for bed sweetheart." Bob said, picking Bridget up.

"Do I have to?"

"You have to." Bob insisted sweetly, wanting her in bed so he and Emily could finish their conversation. "Kiss Mommy goodnight, okay."

"Okay, good night Mommy!'

"Good night baby." Emily remarked, sighing as she lye her head back into the pillows. "I should've nursed you." She said to Lauren as soon as Bob and Bridget were out of earshot.

Emily didn't want to have another baby but couldn't help but start loving this one right away….what was she supposed to do with five daughters anyway? It just was…too much. Emily sighed bitter sweetly as she tucked Lauren into her bassinet. At least she'd probably sleep through the night for once. Bob came back in as soon as she put Lauren down.

"Emily you…you don't have to cry. It's going to be alright." He said, climbing into bed, she was still crying. He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her as she cuddled up to him. "We can work the whole thing out…you know that."

"Abortion?" She thought aloud.

"I-I don't know." He didn't want to really be the one to suggest that but he guessed he was.

"That's not exactly us, you know…look over at Lauren." She reminded him of the tiny baby sleeping next to their bedside. "Just a few months ago she was as tiny as the one inside of me…less than a year ago as a matter of fact…can you imagine if we'd done that to her because four was too much for us?"

"No Emily, that's a wonderful point. And I'm sorry I'm the one who got us here."

"You…well your right, it was you." She said.

"It was our first alone night after the baby, and my Mom took the girls…Lauren was sleeping for once. And we should've slept or seen a movie instead of you know doing what we did, it was completely stupid."

"At least we're stupid people who can provide for another baby."

"Yeah…that's true. What about the c-section?"

"What about it?"

"What did the doctor say about having another baby?" He was interested. "I mean, that must have been weird."

"Well. Yeah. It's a bit soon. How do you think I felt on my last visit for having a baby and she tells me I'm pregnant!"

"Shocked." He guessed. She was upset, and realized it was time to tell him the bad part of this news.

"But she said if my body would do it, I'm more ready for it than you might think. Still, she's worried about if I've fully healed from Lauren. The scar, that is. I'm due in early September but she says the baby will probably come a few weeks early in August sometime and that I'll probably have to have a c-section again because well…the risk of rupture…"

"I got it Emily."

"But she also said, if the risks are taken care of, which they easily can be then I can have this baby and we should both be fine. I'm really upset about this but…think about those times we were trying to have a baby, before Meghan…and now we have more than we wanted…even if its not us, you know, even if we planned to have three kids, which we did, remember, it's a blessing, isn't it?"

"Emily?"

"Yeah."

"I-is there a-a chance you-you won't…m-make it?"

"It's slim Bob. Very slim." She wanted to encourage him but tell him the truth.

Bob was nervous. He swallowed the lump in his throat, hoping she couldn't hear or feel his heart pounding in his chest. He didn't think he could raise four little girls all by himself. And moreover, he loved her too much to risk letting her go; not for anybody or anything.

"But Bob. I love this baby too much to not give her a chance at life. And she and I both have a terrific shot Bob. She said there's really not a lot of reason to worry if we watch this closely. And while five kids…I never dreamed…having five kids isn't for me Bob, but…abortion isn't either. In fact Bob, I may not live to raise this baby, but I've been thinking about it and I can't live if I don't give her the chance she deserves."

"Lets do this. We'll get through it together."

"Do what?"

"Have this baby." It was a scary decision.

"Oh Bob…you could never get me to do anything else. I love her far too much." She smiled.

Emily fell asleep but Bob lye there awake, taking in everything about her as

she slept. To say that he loved her was an understatement and had been for many years. His feelings for her transcended the physical; in fact that was the least of it. He'd give up that part of it forever if it met he could still see his best friend every day: see her smile and hear her laugh. He just sat there in bed and stared, looking down at her, not quite believing she might die…and that, in his opinion, was his fault. It was something he'd never forgive himself for. Bob finally lye down and tried to get some sleep, but the angst proved too heavy of a load on his heart and so he lye there in the dark and began to cry.


	11. A Matter of Life and Death, Part 2

Chapter 11- A Matter of Life and Death, Part 2

The house was eerily quiet when Bob woke up the next morning. Emily was sound asleep next to him. He brushed her cheek softly, not believing that she had the most pleasant little smile on her face. He kissed her very gently, so as not to wake her. He decided that it was best to let her sleep and was upset he had to go to work at all. He quietly began to get ready for work and went to wake up Meghan and Bridget.

Taking care of Meghan and Bridget in the mornings and taking them to school had been his normal for several months now. He wondered if this wasn't because he was being prepared for being their only parent. The idea scared him to the core but he did his best to shake off his fear so he wouldn't scare them.

"Come on girls, get up." He whispered, sitting them each up in their bed and pulling off their covers.

"Daddy we're tired." Meghan rubbed her eyes. Bridget squirmed and tried to turn over and burry her head back in her pillow.

"I know, but it's time to be awake girls I'm sorry."

"It's too early." Bridget pouted, she sensed it was earlier than normal somehow.

"It's early and Daddy's taking you out to breakfast." He usually made them cereal, but today he didn't want to risk waking Emily by being in the kitchen so early. "So get dressed and brush your teeth and meet me in the kitchen…oh and let Mommy sleep." He cautioned, kissing Bridget's cheek as he stood her up.

Bob was surprised to see his mother-in-law sitting in the kitchen drinking tea when he got there. He'd gotten his coat and the girls' coats and was waiting for them.

"Oh…hi." He said nervously, wondering if she knew.

"Did she tell you?" Aggie asked. He couldn't tell what she was feeling. He knew if it were him, if his daughter was being burdened with another baby, if it might kill her, he'd be mad…and probably at the husband. Bob only nodded in reply to her question.

"I know you're scared." She said, clutching her cup of tea, he thought it was earl grey, in a very particular way, almost as if she were more invested in it than him, or maybe wanted to be. He nodded at this too. She noted his eyes began to well up with tears.

"Aggie I…" He choked.

"I know Bob. And it's alright. I'll take good care of her today."

"I'm glad you're here." He'd been thinking and was actually very thankful about this.

Just then Meghan and Bridget came down the stairs, their enthusiasm about the day ahead changing the feeling in the room immediately.

"Daddy's taking us out for breakfast." Bridget explained excitedly as Bob helped her put on her tiny coat.

Aggie watched with careful interest as Bob tended to the girls. She was kind of amazed that he brushed their hair, helped them with their shoes, coats, backpacks and scarves, even making sure to fix the buttons on their sweaters that neither of them could do by themselves. While her husband Junior, loved his three daughters, he never could've done all this with such caring, gentle precision. He, for example, had once tried brushing their daughter Amy's hair and just kept pulling on the tangles, which of course resulted in a lot of crying. But Bob did this all perfectly and lovingly.

"Okay girls can you say good-bye to Grandma and give her a kiss?" He asked sweetly.

Aggie hugged and kissed the girls good-bye. She watched Bob smile at them as they rushed back to take his hands. She knew he was worried and hurting but was covering for the girls.

"Bob." She called when the girls went out into the back yard and he was about to close the door. He paused. "You're a great father. Just think about that today."

"Thanks Aggie. Let me know if you need me." He smiled, closing the door.

Bob took his two little girls to a coffee shop that morning. There he bought them cookies and was able to get himself a plain black cup of coffee that wasn't Carol's and was therefore drinkable. He didn't feel like he could eat but knew he needed the coffee to wake him up. He watched his little girls munch and chat with each other happily and just took comfort in them.

"Mommy's having another baby." Bridget told Meghan. Bob could feel his face fall.

"Nu-uh!" Meghan didn't believe this news.

"Uh-huh, yes she is! Isn't she Daddy?"

"Y-yes." Bob hesitated.

"Is that why Mommy doesn't take care of us anymore?" Meghan asked, her eyes growing wide. He had been able to tell that she'd felt sort of betrayed in the last few months. Back then she'd been claiming she was Mommy's favorite, but he knew it was really that Mommy was her favorite and she was jealous.

"N-no sweetie, that's because Lauren's not doing well." He said.

"You're not replacing Lauren are you?" Meghan was upset.

"No, no honey. Sometimes things like this just happen." He explained. "Kind of like when Mommy and I had the two of you so close together."

"Will Mommy be taking care of us again soon?" Meghan asked. He looked into her deep blue eyes, Emily's eyes and his heart began to break. He knew that she missed her mother and it pained him knowing that now things might not ever return to normal…he paused, his aching heart weighing heavily on his soul as he watched his daughters staring at him, awaiting answers, depending on his comfort.

"Hey, the two of you come here." He said, pulling them onto his lap. He hugged them tightly and kissed the tops of their foreheads. He'd been so worried about so much lately, especially in the last twelve hours. For example, he now had the burden of being worried about becoming a single father, he almost felt like he already was to Meghan and Bridget since the baby'd been born. Nonetheless the girls comforted him, and now he wanted to comfort them. "Daddy loves you girls very, very much, you know that right?" He asked. They nodded. "And I promise we'll all get through, okay?"

"Okay." Meghan whispered. She and Bridget turned and hugged him without question.

"I love you Daddy." Meghan told him. Bridget agreed, kissing his cheek.

"I love you too my girls." He smiled, feeling as though they'd given him the strength to go on. "Now finish your breakfast, cause school starts in twenty minutes for Meghan."

…..

"Emily? Emily darling are you alright?" Aggie asked, pressing her ear against the bathroom door. Emily had woken up with morning sickness and run into the bathroom almost an hour before.

"I think so." She mumbled. Aggie noted that her daughter didn't sound well.

"Are you sure Emily?" Aggie asked. She'd just gotten through feeding Lauren and Molly and couldn't believe Emily was still sick.

"Yeah." Emily reassured, opening the door.

"Oh Emily honey, you don't look well." She said.

"I don't feel well." She admitted.

"I can take care of the girls, maybe you should go back to bed."

"No, no…what about picking Meghan and Bridget up at…." Emily covered her mouth again and ran back into the bathroom, kicking the door shut with her foot.

Aggie sighed and decided it was time to make a couple of phone calls.

"Alright, fine, I'll go to bed." Emily conceded, coming out of the bathroom.

"That's a good decision Emily…I'm going to call Bob…and Martha."

"Martha, why?" She asked.

"Because you're sick and we have the girls to pick up and to care for and Emily it can't be done alone."

"She won't help…" Emily protested as she climbed into bed. "When she finds out I'm pregnant she'll just say I'm too old."

"Emily we can't afford to be discriminating about this. We need the help."

…

Martha Hartley rushed over when Aggie called her for help and told her the news about the new baby. Like her son, she felt bad about how she'd treated Emily during her last pregnancy and hoped to make it up to her…even though she really did want a boy, and she really did think Emily was too old to be pregnant. Martha told herself to be careful about what she said and to do her best to help, realizing she'd been far too burdensome last time.

Aggie was worried that Emily hadn't improved throughout the day. She was just as sick at dinnertime as she'd been when she'd woke up. It was like she had something beyond morning sickness and with the risk involved in having this baby it worried her. Emily had been in bed all day and was almost delirious now.

"Awe, poor Emily." Aggie commented, coming back into the kitchen. Martha was making dinner for everyone and Meghan was coloring. Aggie, meanwhile, had just gotten Emily to sleep after being sick again.

"Why, what now?"

"She's just so exhausted." Aggie remarked.

"I know, Meghan darling, could you go in your room for a few minutes so your Grandmas can talk alone." Martha requested, not wanting the little girl to know anything that was going on.

"Okay, okay." She said, picking up her book and going back down the hall. She was concerned, knowing that both the Grandma's being there met something was wrong and after the things her father had said that morning she wanted to know more but obeyed and went upstairs anyway.

"I think Emily should go to the doctor." Martha began once she was sure Meghan was out of earshot.

"You're right maybe the doctor can give her something to…"

"No, Aggie, I'm afraid there's something wrong. She's had four babies before and never had morning sickness like this."

"Maybe it's a boy." Aggie suggested. Martha stared at her and blinked a few times, there was just no way it could be a boy that was silly.

"Do you think she'd really react that differently to carrying a boy than a girl?" Martha thought aloud, she hadn't.

"I don't know…maybe."

"I'm afraid this has to do with the c-section Aggie."

"Oh." Aggie realized she might be right. Concerned, the two women went upstairs to try to talk Emily into going to the doctor.

"Mama?" Emily asked weakly as her mother and mother-in-law entered the bedroom.

"Shu, hi baby, it's okay." Aggie soothed, running her fingers through her daughter's hair as she sat on the edge of her bed. Seeing her own baby like this was hard for her.

"Mom please don't make me eat anything again." Emily whined. They'd made her have lunch a few hours ago. It had been a horrible ordeal as the smell made her sick and she hadn't been able to keep any of it down. It had only made her suffer more.

"Honey, this isn't about food." Aggie continued to run her fingers through Emily's hair.

"Emily are you okay dear?" Martha asked.

"How are my girls?"

"They're just fine Emily."

"Even my Lauren? I miss my little baby." Emily was worried to death that Lauren wasn't being cared for correctly. She only wanted Bob to care for her if she couldn't.

"She's wonderful, she's eating, and her skin is a perfect pink." Aggie reassured.

"Emily, your Mom and I've been talking it over." Martha began.

"Hum?"

"And." Aggie began. "We're taking you to see the doctor tomorrow."

"Hum…what about Lauren and Molly?" She wondered what would happen to her two youngest daughters.

"Ellen's going to take care of Lauren and Molly honey."

"Fine, but I'm not going."

"Not going? Emily you can't keep down enough to nourish yourself let alone a growing little baby."

"I'm afraid she'll suggest that I…get rid of it."

"Oh Em…"

"And I'm not doing it!"

"Emily if…" Martha began

"What do you think is making this happen?" Emily asked. "This is my fifth baby, I've never had morning sickness like this."

"Emily, we think you're having a boy." Aggie told her.

"A-a boy?" She asked. The idea brought a smile to her face for the first time in hours. "Oh that would be wonderful."

"But it could be a lot of other things Emily." Her mother reminded.

"Remember that you just had an operation, it could be a c-section complication, coupled with your being pregnant again so soon. Have you even fully healed Emily?"

"Um. Yes." She considered. "But maybe that's it."

"It's a little sensitive for me to ask but, how did this happen?" Aggie asked.

"Because I-I…" Emily felt like a chastised teenager instead of a 42-year-old married woman in being asked this by her mother and mother-in-law. "Getting pregnant again wasn't exactly on our minds you know. We were stressed, our baby was sick." She added.

"We know sweetheart."

"These things happen and it's going to be okay." Emily raised an eyebrow even though her face was in her pillow. Being 'reassured' by Martha made her feel like she was doomed.

…

"Hi Sonny." Bob paused for a moment when his mother and mother-in-law greeted him at the door.

"H-hi…how is she?" He asked anxiously, wishing he'd come home to care for his wife hours before.

The house seemed silent. There was no sign of his wife, who usually would've been there to kiss him or at least make some kind of lovingly sarcastic quip. The fact that one of his three daughters didn't greet him either was also alarming to him and he wondered where they were.

"Not so good Bob." Aggie told him.

"What's wrong?" He was clearly alarmed.

"She's just not keeping anything down." Aggie began.

"And she's lethargic." Martha added.

"But at least she's sleeping now."

"I need to take her to the hospital, don't I?" He asked.

"She doesn't want to go."

"Oh…"

"But I think in the morning, going to the doctor would be good."

"We'll take her Sonny it doesn't need to disrupt you."

"Disrupt me, she's my wife of course I'd go with her over anything!" He was upset and almost yelled over this. Now he was afraid something was really wrong and that she wouldn't even life long enough to risk dying during the birth.

"Bob, we just meant you work and…" Aggie attempted to explain.

"Yeah you're right. I work. But I love my wife and I want to go with her."

"Sonny we'll take her, we'll call you." His mother said. He paused, realizing he was getting very angry.

"It's my wife, it's my daughter that's making her sick. I'm going. N-not you."

Both women were taken slightly aback by this. He sighed deciding he'd have to make them feel better too.

"Mom, uh, Aggie. Thank you so much for all your help with Emily, and the girls. I'm real sorry."

"Oh Sonny!"

"It's alright."

"I'm not going to lie, I'm worried. I've never seen morning sickness do this to her: ever even with Bridget and with Bridget…it was pretty bad. And I'm ashamed, we didn't mean to get pregnant so soon let alone ever again, I mean in our wildest dreams we didn't think…"

"That's okay dear, it's how we had Ellen!"

"And how we had Amy!"

"Well, whatever it is, I'll take Lauren tonight okay. She's my baby and…"

"No, no Sonny, you work hard enough as it is…" Bob sighed, he was angry that they weren't letting him take responsibility for his own wife and daughters.

"That's true Bob, you do." Aggie agreed.

"Alright. I'm going to sleep out here on the couch, just so I won't disturb Emily, and if you need anything please let me know. And if the girls need anything, I'll get it. For example, they're my girls, I-I can put them to bed."

….

"Can we say good night to Mommy?" Meghan asked. She'd been sneaking in and peaking at Mommy all day, only to find that she was asleep every time.

"No sweetheart." He said, letting go of Meghan and Bridget's hands as they walked into the girl's bedroom. He pulled back Meghan and Bridget's covers and began to tuck them in. "Not tonight."

"But we didn't see her today." Bridget was confused.

"I know." He told them. "And I know you want to see her, but Mommy's not feeling very well. You-you can help her by just letting her rest." He kissed each little girl as he finished tucking her in.

"If you need anything in the night, I'll be in the living room sleeping, so I don't disturb Mommy and your grandmas are down the hall."

"Sleeping in the same bed." Meghan reminded.

"That's weird." Bridget observed.

"Yes. Yes it is weird. But they're doing that because they're here to help. Get one of them or me if you need anything."

"Okay Daddy." They reluctantly agreed. He kissed both the girls again and turned out the light.

"Good night my girls." He said.

"Night Daddy." Bridget yawned.

"Good night." Meghan turned over and buried her face in her pillow.

Bob didn't bother to look in on his younger two daughters. Molly and Lauren had already been asleep for over an hour and he certainly didn't want to wake them up. Instead he went to check on Emily. She was sound asleep and snored as she usually did. He smiled, noticing she didn't look white as a sheet at the moment as she had when he'd gotten home. He touched her forehead, running his hand back through her hair. She didn't have a fever, that was probably a very good sign, right? Bob kissed his wife's forehead and pulled the blankets back up around her, it was freezing outside, after all.

"Good night Emily. I love you. I'm so sorry and I'm so worried about you love."

"Um…hi Bob."

"Oh no, honey go back to sleep."

"Hi sweetheart." She said sort of faintly.

"Emily are you alright, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah I think I'm okay."

"How could you be, you've been throwing up all day."

"I know." She said, taking his hand. "I think Molly saw me and it scared her and I feel really bad. How are the girls?"

"They're fine. Our mothers are taking you to see your Doctor in the morning, would you rather I take you honey?" He wanted to be the one to go.

"That would be nice. I think I'd be a lot less scared if it were you."

"Good. I'll be there. Can I do anything else for you?"

"I don't know. Crawl into bed with me." That was all she'd wanted all day.

"A-are you sure?"

"Yeah. I want you with me."

"Okay sweetheart. How's, how's the baby?"

"Well I haven't miscarried. That's a good sign, right?"

"I love our baby Emily. I'm sorry she's doing this to you."

"I love him too."

"Him?"

"Our mothers think it's a boy. They think it's all the boy hormones doing this." She explained.

"Oh." He laughed. "Maybe it is, I mean after four girls…"

"Either that or Bob there's one more thing they thought don't get mad."

"What?"

"Oftentimes, twins will do this to their Mom."

"Oh no."

"Yeah. I know. But I don't think it's that. The doctor didn't say anything about twins."

"She didn't say anything about Lauren's heart either."

"Yeah but twins are a lot easier to detect than a baby's heart defect Bob. Ellen knew from the beginning, remember?" This was comforting to him and he gave a sigh of relief realizing that it likely wasn't twins. "How is Lauren?"

"She's perfect. All pink and happy. She's smiling and eating faster. There's nothing to worry about with her." He kissed the side of her forehead.

Emily smiled this made her feel better. If Lauren could pull through she and her unborn baby could too. One day, Emily hoped to tell Lauren all about how she'd been her hero in these days.

"Bob…you know what I realized today?"

"What?"

"If I don't make it. Lauren won't remember me."


	12. Gifts from the heart

Chapter Twelve- Gifts from the heart

When Emily awoke, she could hear Bob in the shower and sat up in bed, eager to get ready to go to work too. If Bob was already in the shower, it met she was late for work, didn't it? Emily was overcome with a wave of nausea as she sat up in bed, the smell of someone cooking pancakes downstairs making its way to her nose. She froze where she was, half sitting and half leaning, suddenly immobilized by the unusually strong smell of the pancakes. There was part of her that was starving and kind of craving something like pancakes, and another part of her felt sick at the thought of food. These two things, combined with what she perceived to be the pungent smell of the breakfast caused Emily to start gagging.

It was all she could do to keep from throwing up, so she leapt out of bed and burst through the bathroom door, pushing aside her husband who was standing in front of the sink shaving. Bob watched, surprised for a second that she had become so violently ill so suddenly. She hadn't even been awake five minutes ago when he'd gotten out of bed. It was as soon as Emily began to throw up that she heard the baby, begin to cry and she remembered what was going on. She wasn't going to work…she was on maternity leave….and pregnant again…

"I've got her Emily!" Her mother Aggie called from down the hall.

"Oh honey, it's going to be okay." Bob soothed. He sighed and wiped his face, cleaning off the shaving cream with his towel before he moved in to tend to her.

Emily stopped to catch her breath as soon as her sickness subsided.

"Oh honey, it's alright." He sensed right away that she was scared.

"Oh Bob, when is this going to stop?" She asked as she started to cry. He helped her up and began to dry her tears.

"Emily it's okay you don't need to cry." He reassured.

"Yes I do! I'm sick and I'm really scared Bob I've never been this sick in my life." He noticed she was shaking a little as he held her and made a point to hug her tightly as he began to wash her face.

"Emily there's no reason for you to be afraid. We're going to go to the hospital soon like we talked about last night…" He began.

Bob was terrified too. He tried not to think about it as he took care of his wife and prepared her for their hospital trip. Even so, he couldn't help but think about how scared he was and that this was his fault….yesterday, his mother had mentioned to him that she thought the severity of Emily's morning sickness had something to do with her recent c-section and that the complication may be life threatening. At the time he'd dismissed it, but he'd entertained the possibility as he lye awake during the night, watching Emily sleep, and had begun to realize that the idea had merit. Why would _this _child suddenly make her so sick? It didn't make sense, and he knew something had to be very, very wrong.

…..

Emily was beginning to feel even worse by the time that they got to the

hospital. It didn't take long for doctors to determine that she was dehydrated and she was quickly put on an I.V. Meanwhile, Bob was given a long questionnaire to fill out while Emily rested beside him. It was very specific and gave him the sense that the doctors knew what was going on and just weren't telling them yet.

Bob had finished the part of the form pertaining to insurance, personal information and medical history and was now on to the symptoms chart…it seemed like almost everything Emily had experienced over the past couple of days was on it: they'd just told him she was severely dehydrated…check. She had severe nausea, and couldn't stop throwing up: double check. The smell of food made her sick…Weight loss….? He supposed she was headed in that direction so he checked it off too. Headaches. Check. Confusion…absolutely, she'd just asked where they were. Extreme fatigue? Definitely. Rapid heart rate…she was laying there complaining about it. Anxiety/depression. Done. She was scared to death…and finally loss of skin elasticity. He wasn't sure about that and leaned over and pinched Emily on the wrist…yeah that too.

"Ouch!" She complained. "Bob don't pinch me on top of everything else." She mumbled into her pillow.

"I-I'm sorry sweetie. I'm, I'm checking for loss of skin elasticity."

"What?" She asked, wondering what the hell he was talking about.

"Don't worry about it, I'll be right back. Will someone please just tell me what's going on?" He asked the first nurse he saw when he went back out into the hall.

"Dr. Hartley we think your wife is suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum." A doctor said, pulling him aside. Bob blinked; this concerned him as the name sounded very serious.

"W-what's that mean?"

"It's severe morning sickness."

"Well I know that, what's causing it?" He asked.

"No one knows what causes it." The doctor said.

"N-no one knows?"

"No, I should explain the rest to you and your wife."

"Okay." Bob agreed, he was puzzled as he followed the doctor back into the room where his wife lye listless.

"Feeling any better Mrs. Hartley?" The doctor asked.

"Um-hum." Emily nodded, rolling back over and nodding. "I think."

"I'd like to talk to you about what's going on with you."

"Alright." She said.

"You have hyperemesis gravidarum."

"Which means?" Emily asked.

"Severe morning sickness."

"Well I know that." She was a little mad that he was telling her something she knew. "What's causing it?"

"The cause for the ailment is totally unknown, some think it has to do with hormones but science hasn't agreed on a cause. Now this might go away like typical morning sickness and you'll be perfectly fine in a couple of weeks. But in some cases, this lasts the whole nine months." He told her.

"The whole nine months!" Bob and Emily gasped.

"Mrs. Hartley you have to be prepared for the eventuality that this will last for the next six months until you have the baby, maybe even longer."

"Even longer?"

"There are drugs that we can give you to make this far less severe but there's a chance it could harm the baby."

"Harm the baby?" Emily asked again, she was beginning to feel hopeless. "I-I can't do anything that's going to harm the baby." Emily said.

"Well I didn't say it would…I said it _could_." Bob noticed him emphasize this.

"Well would or could it makes no difference to me." Emily was angry now.

"Mrs. Hartley I'm going to be perfectly frank with you." He said. "You have to take this medication otherwise the baby has no chance. If you can't keep down anything how do you expect to nourish the baby?" Emily paused this was a good question. "Medication will allow you to keep something down, making your symptoms far less severe and giving the baby a chance to survive at all." Emily began to cry when he said this.

"Emily it's okay. She'll do it." Bob decided for her.

"Mrs. Hartley, you'll feel better soon. You'll be able to move around, eat what you want, work, take care of your other children…and remember there's only a chance it will harm the baby, its not very likely that it will, there's a difference."

Emily continued to cry when the doctor left. Not very likely that it would? It still met there was a chance…and worse, it was apparently not very likely that she was going to die in this process…what was the likelihood that she'd live _and_ the baby would be ok too? Emily knew in that moment that she had to be strong, she had to have faith otherwise the two of them didn't have a chance. Faith counted for a lot.

"You, you really, really love this baby, don't you Emily?" Bob asked.

"Its yours too what kind of a question is that?" She asked, turning back on her side.

"I-I'm just k-kind of amazed at what you're willing to go through for her." Emily sniffled loudly when he said this.

"Well yeah Bob. I want her to live. I wanna see her and hold her just like I did with all the others…its like a need. I know she has to make it. I told you she's something extra different…extra special."

Bob was put off by this, weren't the children they had extra special? He thought so. Lauren was his little hero. She was just a tiny baby and she was fighting so hard.

"What do you mean extra special?" He asked.

She sighed. "I don't know Bob something's different."

_**April 15**__**th**__**, 1983**_

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday my dear angel. Happy Birthday to

you." Emily whispered, brushing Meghan's cheek with a kiss as she tucked her into bed. Meghan giggled loudly at this, she was relishing this private time alone with her Mom, something she wasn't getting much of lately. It was the best birthday present she could've hoped to have received.

"Shu, sweetheart I know you're happy but you don't wanna wake Bridget up." Emily soothed, giggling too.

Meghan had had a long, exciting day and was on the verge of falling asleep, but was fighting it real hard, wanting to milk every last second out of her special sixth birthday. Emily sat on the edge of her bed and continued singing her to sleep.

Meanwhile, Bob was downstairs in the dining room putting the finishing touches on setting the table. He was proud of himself, both for the dinner he'd made and the special gift he'd gotten Emily. The two of them were about to have a very late dinner together to celebrate their fourteenth wedding anniversary.

Bob couldn't believe time was flying by and it was already their anniversary. It seemed like just five seconds ago that Emily was sick, Lauren was tiny and sick and their mothers were living there. Now Emily was fine, their mothers were gone and little Lauren was a happy baby with far fewer problems than they'd anticipated. Nonetheless, the speed at which time was going by scared him and made him feel like his time with his wife was dwindling away. He was paranoid about this. Despite the fact that her doctor kept reassuring them both that her chance of survival was near certain and that she and the baby were both fine. When he finished setting the table he looked up to see Emily smiling at him as she came in the room, all dressed up and glowing.

"H-hi."

"Hi." She smiled.

"Y-you're beautiful."

"Thank you. Dinner looks wonderful; although I wish you'd let me…"

"Oh no. I wanted to make you dinner Emily." He said. "T-think about all the nights you've made dinner for us."

"Now that's true." Emily was feeling much like her old self and was eager to ask about the present he'd gotten for her but refrained. They'd decided not to exchange material gifts that year and she was eager to discover what he might have gotten her. Instead of something like a watch, she was going to offer him something kind of unique. Something you couldn't just go out and buy.

"Emily, honey, I'm so sorry." Bob apologized as she sat down at the table. She knew he was speaking from the bottom of his heart and she smiled.

"For what honey?" She felt great and wondered what he had to apologize for.

"I-I just feel like I don't help as much as I should. You have our girls and it's just too much. Here you are, and I go about my days like I always have…" He still felt guilty about Emily quitting her job a month earlier. Lauren's improving but uncertain health combined with her own illness and the new baby had caused her to finally resign. "So, so that's my gift to you Emily I, I wanna help more…I wanna make dinners, I want to…"

"Bob you do so much around the house, things I couldn't do…Meghan and Bridget have been yours in the morning and after school for most of the…"

"E-Emily there's one more thing. I remembered how upset you got over the book tour when you were expecting Bridget…and now that you're having another one and we have the girls I don't feel right going on my second book tour. So I canceled it."

"Bob! Honey canceled it! That's not fair you worked really hard for it!"

"But you worked hard for your job too Emily."

"Bob, honey, it's okay. Please don't cancel. Postpone. Okay? And as far as your apologizing for my situation…I loved my job but I'll get another one. I love our family more. Including this one. So don't apologize for a miracle." She smiled.

"A miracle?" He questioned. Sure babies were miracles but when this was their fifth child, and a completely unexpected one that might take its mother's life, he wasn't sure if he'd call it a miracle.

"Here honey, I have something for you." She said, handing him a small box.

"What's this?" He asked, turning the box over in his hands a few times. He'd thought they'd agreed to exchange gifts from the heart that year, instead of material ones. Bob studied the tiny box decorated in baby blue and pink ribbon. He laughed. "What are you trying to tell me, this is the same kind of box you gave me when you told me you were pregnant with Meghan….I knew it, it's twins…isn't it?"

Bob thought there was something different about this pregnancy other than the obvious. Emily had been sicker, her cravings were different (he thought they were a little more like Ellen's had been), she even seemed to move differently if that were possible, and as she'd begun to show she didn't look the same as she had before. He didn't know how, she just didn't…so he'd reconciled himself to the fact that a pair of their own twins might be on the horizon.

"Open it. I uh…I went to the doctor today…" She began as he unwrapped the box and began to open it. Bob didn't know what to make of what he found: a tiny little basketball.

"And she gave you a basketball?"

"She told me we're having a boy." Emily smiled.

"What?!" He didn't believe this and did a double take.

"Bob it's a boy!" Emily exclaimed.

"It's a boy! Oh Emily are you serious, it's going to be a boy?"

"Yes. Bob I wouldn't have given you a basketball otherwise…I know how much it means to you; that you want to share your love of basketball with your son."

"Y-you know that?" He asked. He was actually on the verge of tears.

"Yes Bob." She laughed.

"Oh, Emily, I'm over the moon…Emily a boy."

"I thought you'd be happy. And I told you; there's a reason this happened.."

"B-but Emily what about you?" He asked.

"What about me?"

"You mean the world to me." He said. He wanted his son but he wished his wife wasn't risking her life to give him one. "Emily I love you. I love you more than I can even begin to say."

"Oh I love you too Bob. And I promise I'm going to try. For you and the girls and Robbie."

"R-Robbie?" He laughed nervously, uttering the name they'd chosen for their son many years before. The concept of Robbie had been tucked neatly away somewhere and mentioned once or twice before each of the girls had been born. In truth, Bob gave up hope on Robbie's ever coming once a nurse handed Molly to him. "Robbie." He considered once again.

"The basketball is not from me. It's Robbie's first gift to his Daddy. It's a promise Bob."

"A-a promise?"

"Yes. A promise that he and I will come out of this just fine."

"Oh Emily…"

"And I appreciate your giving up your book tour as a gift of concern and consideration from the heart." She began and he smiled. "My gift isn't the basketball, but instead it's our son, from my heart."

…..

The next day Bob and Emily made the announcement to everyone that it was a boy. Howard and Ellen were pleasantly surprised by the news and tried to make the twins understand the concept that they were about to have a boy cousin to play with. Meghan, Bridget and Molly were anything but excited. The little girls reminded their parents that little boys weren't nice people in their experience and that they were upset by the news. But Martha Hartley was totally overjoyed.

Instead of insulting Emily about her age and numerous other things, as she'd done when she was having Lauren, Martha insisted that she come over for the day and help around the house while Bob was at work. Emily wasn't particularly happy about this but couldn't do anything about it. Worse: Martha wouldn't allow her to lift a finger in her own home and made her sit at the kitchen table like an invalid while they talked and she watched Molly color.

"That's very good Molly." Emily smiled, when Molly proudly showed her the drawing she'd just finished. Of course it was all scribbles but they were very pretty scribbles in Emily's opinion. Molly excitedly ran around the side of the table and up to her Mom to show her the drawing. It was clear to Emily that she wanted to be held so she picked her up and put her on her lap. "Lets see what it's a picture of sweetheart…" Emily began, looking at the drawing again when Molly leaned back against her chest and sighed.

"My bwothor." Molly put her tiny hand on Emily's stomach. Emily smiled amazed at how much Molly'd grown in the last season or two, recalling that when they'd brought Lauren home she hadn't understood that she wasn't a doll.

"Yes he is sweetheart. He's your brother. Can you show Mommy what you drew, tell me what it is?" She asked. Molly nodded excitedly and was about to start telling her mother how she'd attempted to draw the sky at night, when Martha interrupted.

"Oh Emily you shouldn't be picking up Molly its bad for the baby!" Martha scolded. It seemed to Emily as if she was not just concerned, but angry. Emily raised an eyebrow at her protest.

"Martha no one said I couldn't hold the girls!" She thought this was ridiculous.

"You're not just holding her. You picked her up!" Martha was outraged.

"I can hold them Martha! And besides, I just put her on my lap there's a difference." She said, holding Molly close.

"Yes but your condition is delicate. You wouldn't want to jeopardize little boy would you?" Martha asked almost accusingly.

"No, of course not!" Emily was outraged. Why would she intentionally jeopardize her own little baby?

Emily could vividly remember being very pregnant with Lauren, much more so than she was now, and having to pick up Molly who was nearly as big as she currently was, and flee from Martha's dining room because she'd made her cry….Why? Because she'd just told her Lauren was going to be a girl…what was it that she had said to make her get up and leave the table? She didn't think she'd ever forget:

"_Oh Emily what's the matter with you, I was sure you'd surprise us with a boy this time."_ Martha had said, or rather, spat. Then she moved on to: _"It's her age, no wonder she keeps having so many damn girls."_

Emily quickly realized that Martha hadn't cared before this pregnancy and that she only cared because they thought it was a boy. When she was having Meghan, for example, she'd gotten angry when she discovered the nursery was pink and that her son was excited about it. When she was expecting Bridget, she had tried to train Meghan to say the word brother. And finally, when she was six months pregnant with Lauren she'd finally gone all out and made her start sobbing in the dining room. She hadn't cared at all when she picked up Molly and ran out of the room crying…at the time she was just content to carry on complaining about the fact that she was having another girl and to even attempt to engage her husband and son in her mocking of Emily.

"Emily, Emily!"

"What?!" Emily was startled and looked up at Martha. She noticed that her heart was pounding when her eyes met her mother-in-law's seemingly sweet gaze.

Emily realized in that moment that she'd just been staring off and hadn't noticed that Martha was asking her something. Martha smiled and handed Emily and Molly one of the cookies she'd just baked. Molly bit into hers quickly but Emily wasn't really hungry.

"What were you saying?" Emily asked again, realizing that she'd missed something. She was upset but want to act calm even though it was fake. After all, Martha was pretending to be sweet.

"Oh Emily, I was just saying that I'm so happy you're finally going to surprise us with a baby boy this time!" Martha chimed and took Molly out of her arms, depositing the girl on the floor. Molly looked up at her Mom hopelessly; she wanted to be on her lap.

"I'm very excited…" Martha continued. "It is my favorite son's son after all!...Would you like some milk or something dear? It keeps the strength up especially when you're pregnant." Emily just sat there and stared at the milk and cookies her mother-in-law placed before her. She couldn't stomach the thought of eating; she looked up at Martha as she tried to feed her…it was like Snow White being fed by the witch.

"Oh…" Emily paused. She felt highly insulted by this. It was obvious that Martha was being 'kind' to her and tending to her only because she was having a boy and the idea made her sick. "N-no thanks."

….

"Do we need a crib?" Bob asked. It was much later on in the evening and they were out by themselves shopping for the baby's room.

"No we have two." Emily laughed.

"And as always." He sighed. "One is occupied."

"We're using the other one, the one that belonged to Meghan and Molly…but isn't it exciting Bob, buying all these new baby things."

Emily was thrilled. She'd had four babies and had barely gotten anything new, having used most of the stuff for the fourth that she'd had for her first. Because all the Hartley babies had been girls until now and their stuff was well cared for there had been no real need to buy all new things every time a baby came. She'd bought a second crib when they had Bridget, and other than that, they'd only re-bought clothes and toys, and a few other things that had gotten worn out. But now that Emily was having a boy all of that was about to change. She was decorating the guest room the one they'd been unsure what to do with, for the unborn boy.

"Yeah, it's all blue instead of very pink." Bob had gotten used to everything being pink and to being the only man in the family. While his son met a lot to him, he was admittedly nervous about the prospect of having one.

"Well we don't have to go with blue, we could go with green or something."

"Emily what's the fun in having a boy if we don't go with blue?"

"I knew you'd say that honey. It seems like everybody's saying that." She sighed, rubbing her stomach as they walked.

"What do you mean?" He asked. He was concerned anyway, recalling that she'd spent the day with his mother. That couldn't have gone well.

"Oh nothing it's just…your mother said some things about the baby being a boy and…and I realized that people care more just because it's going to be a boy and Bob…the idea of that makes me kind of sick." She admitted.

"I-I know what you mean."

"Y-you do?" She asked, surprised. He too had been extremely excited about the news that it was a boy.

"Yeah. My mother and her: 'it's my favorite son's son' stuff…and all those horrible things she said to you when you were having Lauren….and Molly too." He reminded. Emily had forgotten about how upset Martha had been when they came home from the hospital with Molly who was of course a girl. She'd spent the whole nine months convinced that she was finally getting a grandson. "Emily I'm very excited about this boy but…don't think I'm not hurt by those things. They're my girls too. And I love them every bit as much as I am going to love Robbie. I mean how do you think I feel that she ignores _my_ Lauren?" Emily remembered a time, only a year before when Bob was very upset that unborn Lauren was a girl. She thought he was being sweet but kind of hypocritical. "And plus," he continued. "She's starting to ignore the twins! And a year ago you would've thought they were kings!"

"Yeah in favor of waiting on me." Emily scoffed. Martha had ignored Ryan and Zach when Howard had brought them over to see her, in favor of trying to wait on Emily (who didn't want to be waited on at all) just because she was pregnant with the grandchild who was going to be her "favorite".

"And that she doesn't care how, how thoughtful Meghan is. Or how smart Bridget is…or how loving Molly is…and look at Lauren she looks like me, her supposed favorite child, a lot. A-and Mom won't even stop to appreciate that, especially now that there's going to be a boy." He smiled suddenly. "Just know that, that even though I'm happy we're having a son I love our daughters immensely. They're the joy of my life and I'll always be proud of them." Emily smiled but was somehow unsure of his words. "Speaking of the girls, how were they today?"

"Lauren was sleepy, thank goodness, Molly amused herself by coloring all day long, Bridget kept asking how she could help and Meghan didn't feel well and stayed home."

"She stayed home! Emily what is it, is it a temperature, is…"

"Don't worry Bob just a sore throat she's fine and was feeling much better by the time I left…still lets bring her something special."

"I agree. Hey how about this?" he said of the little doll they'd just seen. Sure it was the first thing they saw but it was a pretty little doll of a little girl who didn't look that much different than Meghan.

"Oh Bob that's perfect she'll love it! She's been wanting one like that… I think she's feeling a bit left out."

"Meghan?" This sparked his concern immediately.

"Yeah." She said.

"I have to admit, I sometimes wonder if our having more children was the right thing for Meghan." Bob considered.

Meghan was the classic only child type, not the oldest child type, even though she worked hard at being a good older sister. Bob sometimes wondered what life would be like if they'd only had Meghan. Meanwhile, Emily thought Meghan would be a spoiled brat if she were an only child and she wondered if Bob knew that.

…..

"Honey, honey are you okay?" Bob asked.

"Daddy!" Meghan squealed. She'd been in bed all day and missed him.

"Hi sweetheart, here let me see you hey, how you feeling?" He asked sitting next to her on the edge of the bed. He hugged her and kissed her forehead. "Oh honey you're so warm."

"I feel awful Daddy. That's why Aunt Ellen sent Bridget to sleep with Molly."

She says I'm contagious. Daddy I'm scared what does that mean?"

"Oh honey it's going to be okay. It just means you could get someone else sick. But it'll be okay. Here, Daddy has a present for you." Meghan smiled and looked on eagerly as her father pulled out the rag doll he'd been hiding and handed it to her. "Here what do you think?"

"Daddy she's pretty!" She squealed, hugging the doll.

"She looks like you." He smiled. "Mommy and I got it because you didn't feel well and she thought you felt like you were being left out. Do you?" She nodded.

"Why sweetheart, you know how much Mommy and I love you. Don't you?" She nodded again. "Well then what is it?"

"Am I good enough?"

"Sure princess…good enough for what?"

"If I were the only baby you had."

"Yes you're perfect." He kissed her. "You know when Mommy had you she and I were so happy. We loved you so much you know what we did?" She shook her head no. "We cried on you." Meghan smiled instantaneously at this discovery. "We'd wanted you for such a long time and we didn't think you were ever coming."

"Well that's silly Daddy here I am." He laughed at this.

"Here you are. And it's time for you to get some sleep, so you'll feel all better princess." He said, gently taking the girl's shoulders, laying her down and tucking her back in but with the doll this time. "I love you Meghan, just as much as if you were my only." He promised, cupping her tiny face in his hands.

"I love you too Daddy." She smiled, relieved by his promise. Meghan closed her eyes when he turned out the light. In truth, she felt too awful to sleep, but promised that she'd give it a try.

"Hi sweetheart." She heard her Mom whisper. She came in just a few minutes after Bob had left. "Are you feeling better? Mommy's sorry she had to leave you she was so worried about you when she was gone. How is my baby girl?"

"Mommy, am I good enough?" Meghan asked.

"Good enough for what?" Emily was clueless and batted her eyelashes.

"If I were the only baby you had."

Meghan had spent the day sick and angry with Bridget over something that had happened between them after they found out the new baby was a boy. Neither of the girls was excited about it. Meghan was anxious about it, missed closeness with her mother and now wished desperately that she were an only child.

"You're perfect. Meghan I'm not sure anyone in the world has made me as happy as you have sweetheart." Emily kissed her. "You're our miracle baby, remember? I love you just as much as if you were my only."

"Then how come he's good enough to stay home for, and I'm not?"

"Oh Meghan, honey it doesn't work like…"

"And how come he's good enough to be the youngest and I'm not?!"


	13. The Mommy Shoes

Chapter 13- The Mommy Shoes

"Daddy I'm tired!" Molly complained, rubbing her eyes as she walked in the door.

It was pouring and Bob did his best to get his soaking wet daughters inside the house without too much fuss. He held a screaming Lauren in one arm and was using the other to struggle with the door. Obviously, Bob didn't have a third free hand so he was holding the grocery bag with his teeth. He kicked the door shut behind him, reaching out to grab a very lethargic Molly to keep her from tripping over the rug. Bob sighed, putting the grocery bag down and stopped for a moment to observe his kids. They were exhausted, miserable, crying, and had a lot of needs that had to be tended to right away. Trouble was he knew he couldn't do it all at once…Lauren's tears, in particular, were giving him a headache.

"Daddy I'm sleepy." Molly cried, rubbing her eyes.

"I'm starving!" Meghan seemed to be being melodramatic. "And Daddy, look at my hair, from the rain!" She complained. Meghan's hair was soaking wet, and being the vain little thing she was, she was near traumatized. Bob would have found it comical if it weren't so annoying and he weren't as burdened. Instead of complaining like all three of her sisters, Bridget just began to cough.

"Bridget! Are you sick sweetheart?" He asked, placing his hand against her forehead and then he moved it to her cheek. "Well you're sort of warm but…" He stopped speaking when she sneezed on him. 'Oh how am I going to do this on my own?' He thought nervously. "Honey, I think it's time for you to get to bed." He decided, picking Bridget up with his free arm. "Come on munchkin, let's go."

"But I want my Mommy!" Bridget cried into his shoulder as he began to carry her up the stairs. Bob sighed, wondering how many times he'd heard that that day.

"Where's our Mommy?" Molly asked, a fresh batch of tears poured down her cheeks over this, she sniffled as her father put Bridget down on her bed.

"Mommy's okay girls, she just, she can't be with us for a little while."

"Why?" Meghan followed. She too missed her Mother very much and hadn't understood what had transpired that morning. It all happened so fast.

"Girls I told you something happened to Grandpa Harrison; he'll be okay but he needed Mommy to come and help take care of him."

"I want her to take care of me." Bridget sneezed on her Father again as he removed her shoes. Bob wondered if that met she thought her Mother would be more comforting or if it was just that she didn't want him.

"I know sweetheart, but it's going to be okay." He promised as Lauren's tears intensified. "Look, put your pajamas on, I've got to get Lauren settled. I'm sorry, I'll be back to tuck you in honey."

"Mommy would've known Bridget was sick an hour ago." Meghan couldn't help but say as he went out the door.

Bob sighed, wishing so much that they'd all stop pointing out how much better Emily would be doing with everything….it was hurtful and worrisome. After a few minutes he put Lauren to sleep, then helped Molly change and climb into bed.

"Mommy would've already had me in pajamas already." Molly managed to mumble as her head hit the pillow. "Night, Daddy." She yawned, clutching his hands.

"Good night my Molly Olly." He kissed her forehead. "Have sweet dreams."

Bob sighed, to get comments like that from his six year old was bad enough, but to get them from his three year old: that was something else all together. It worried him and it told him he was already failing as a single parent after just a day.

"Bridget you can stop crying." Bob heard Meghan soothe when he shut Molly and Lauren's door.

It broke his heart to hear his little Bridget miserable and crying, he paused for a moment, waiting to hear what she was going to say.

"But I want my Mommy." She sobbed. "Only she can make it better."

_**Earlier that morning**_

Meghan was tired and not feeling well. It was May, but it was raining and unusually cold outside which only added to her already sullen mood. She was frustrated that her Mom had packed a couple of bags, bundled her and her sisters up and taken them to her Dad's office without telling them why she was doing it. Meghan and Bridget watched their Mom as the elevator took them to the seventh floor, noting that she was upset and struggling with everything. She held their bag on her shoulder along with her purse and Lauren, while also holding onto Molly and somehow them too. Meghan admired Mommy and wondered how she did it.

"Hi Emily….wow you brought everybody!" Carol was surprised.

"Yeah, everybody and everything. Is Bob in?"

"Yeah, and he's not with anybody either. Just a second."

"Mommy please, we wanna stay with you." Meghan begged.

"Oh honey, I wish I could take you with me…" Emily began.

"Emily?" Bob asked once he opened his door, he was delighted and puzzled. "It's a long time till lunch what are you…"

"Sweetie I have to talk to you alone."

"Oh, well come in…Carol could you watch the girls for a few minutes?" He asked, confused as to why they were all there when it was a school day.

"Sure Bob." She replied. Meghan, Bridget and Molly loved Carol and were already gathered around her, looking at all the things on her desk. Carol was suspicious and wondered if maybe this was about some kind of marital discord. She'd been worried when Emily had told Meghan that she couldn't take her with her.

"Well, Emily, I've certainly missed you in the past oh…" he paused, glancing down at his watch, "two and a half hours." Emily sighed, putting the baby carrier down on his desk. Lauren cooed at this. Bob smiled down at her.

"Bob, something awful has happened and I need you to keep the girls while I go to Seattle." Bob looked up immediately from Lauren when she said this.

"What Emily, what's wrong is everybody al…"

"It's my Dad, he got hurt in a climbing accident…he'll be okay, but they need me for a few days…"

"Seattle?!" He questioned quickly. "Emily, I can't take care of four little girls all by myself."

"Why, I do it everyday?"

"Because you're the mother." He answered quickly.

"How is my being the mother any different than your being the father?"

"They listen better to you….they…because I'm working and meeting with people Emily…and they're really little and need to be watched every minute. Did you call my mother?"

"Yes, she didn't answer."

"Did you call Melanie?" He asked of the girl's former nanny.

"Finals Bob."

"D-did you call Ellen?"

"This is that time of year where Howard gets the Paris flights. They left two days ago and took the boys. Why do you think he hasn't been over for breakfast?"

"Fine, what about his parents?" Emily gave him an annoyed, unforgiving glare. "Emily, really I can't watch the girls. I mean, maybe I could take Meghan and Bridget but we really need to find somewhere else for Molly and Lauren to go."

"Bob, she may be very little, but Molly's very good and Lauren's just a little tiny teanie baby!" This was pathetic; she was begging him to watch his own kids.

"That's the point, I don't have the time to take care of a baby or a three year old, couldn't you take Lauren with you? She's really too young to leave you and I can't watch her. I mean, the other three, I guess even Molly, could sit on my floor quietly, but Lauren has to be taken care of. Lauren cries, has a feeding schedule, diapers…everything."

"Bob, Meghan can help you out, she's a really good helper."

"She's our six-year-old. And besides…speaking of babies, should you be going in your condition?"

"Me?" She laughed. "Oh Bob I'm not too far along; he'll be okay."

"Y-you think?" He sure wouldn't want to loose his son for some stupid reason like Emily's fear of flying.

"I'll just be gone a few days, baby and I'll be fine. I keep telling you that."

"What about your sisters…they live in Seattle." He protested.

"Amy's on this ten country cruise…" Emily began. Bob rolled his eyes. That sounded like Amy. "And Annie's got her hands full with her own children."

"But so do you, and yours are younger than hers…and most importantly she lives _in_ Seattle! Like right down the street!"

"Bob I have to go. They helped us so much earlier this year." She said as she opened the door. Her flight was in an hour and a half and she couldn't fight him on this any longer.

"A-alright Emily. J-just make sure its not putting too much stress on you okay. You've been through too much this year a-as it is."

"Oh thank you sweetheart. I love you." She smiled and kissed him on the lips.

Bob was upset about her going and worried that the trip might have an ill effect on her. Worse: the idea of being a single father was weighing heavily on his mind and heart lately. It was something he really had to consider, as it was a real possibility, and now that Emily would be leaving for a few days he'd have to try it out, which would only make him think about it more and that was the last thing he wanted. Nonetheless, he realized that she wasn't going to give him much of a chance to fight back on this one and that she was right: she needed to help her parents. He quickly lifted Lauren into his arms and followed Emily back into the reception area.

The girls knew that they were going to be left there and scurried back into their Mother's embrace. She held all three of them tightly and kissed them as they said the longest good-byes Bob had ever heard. Bob had had a hard time watching the girls and Emily together lately: Emily was a wonderful mother and he knew he could never ever fill her shoes, even if he had to try. Meghan, Bridget and Molly were distraught at their mother's parting, but Lauren seemed happy to be in his arms. The difference was that Lauren didn't know what was happening; and she was somehow more of his child than the others anyway. That was never more evident to him than in this moment.

"Oh my three I love you, I love you." Emily soothed, breaking her hug with the girls making her way to the elevator, Bob had to hold them back from rushing to her. "Oh it's okay! You're going to have a fun time with Daddy and Mommy will be back soon! Oh and Bob I forgot…we're all out of milk…and diapers…oh and oatmeal…you know how they love oatmeal..."

"So basically…everything?" Bob asked, following her to the elevator doors.

"Yeah. And Bob?" She asked as she got in the elevator.

"Yeah?"

"I love you too. Bye girls, be good for Daddy." Emily blew a kiss and waved as the elevator doors closed. The girls sniffled as they watched their mother leave. Molly was sad, Bridget was mad and Meghan could feel her heart drop into the pit of her stomach, given all the different emotions, the three sisters began to cry.

"Thanks Emily." Bob scoffed.

"For what?" Molly asked through her tears.

"Nothing sweetheart." He said taking her hand and guiding her and her sisters over to the wall and chairs by his office door. "Look, I know your upset, but everything's okay, it's just Daddy." He tried to reassure.

"Haven't done this before, have ya Bob?" Carol asked, raising an eyebrow. Bob looked back at her and sighed before beginning to speak to his girls again.

"Look. We're all going to have a good time together, I promise. Okay?" He was relieved when the three nodded in agreement. He reached over and wiped a tear off Bridget's cheek with his thumb. "Okay, now, I want you to sit here, really quietly and color while you wait for Daddy." He put Lauren on the ground next to Bridget.

Carol laughed to herself, realizing that expecting four very small girls to just sit there for hours was wildly unrealistic. In that moment she missed Jerry and wished he were there to help her. Instead, he was somewhere in California looking for a life.

"But Lauren doesn't know how to color." Meghan protested. "Her hands can't grab the crayon."

"Well, try to teach her…and whatever you do, d-don't let her eat the crayon." He warned of the six-month-old baby.

"Don't worry Bob." Carol said from behind her desk. "I'll make sure no body eats anything." She planned on holding Lauren most of the time.

"Daddy we don't get to eat anything?!" Molly was clearly alarmed.

"Mommy feeds us two times before you come home!" Bridget was worried, maybe he didn't know this.

"No, sweethearts we'll have lunch in a couple of hours okay. Don't worry. Carol, who's my next appointment?"

…..

But the girls weren't taken to lunch as their father promised. It was his busy day, and instead of going out with him, Carol took them downstairs for sandwiches. It wasn't lost on Carol that Bob was stressed by Emily's absence and the girls just being dropped on him like this…she knew it reminded him of the possibility that he might end up all alone raising those girls if she died giving birth in just a few months. This is something that scared Carol too and she saw the juxtaposition of that possibility, with this scenario as terribly ironic. So far, it wasn't going great, the girls were tired and wanted their Mom.

"Aunt Carol?" Molly began nervously once they got back from lunch.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"I have to go."

"Go? Honey, you…oh! Okay, I'll take you come on baby." Carol heard the elevator ding and the doors open as she came out from behind her desk to take little Molly's hand.

"Hi Carol, hi kid. Hey are those Dr. Hartley's kids?" Mr. Carlin asked.

"Yes." Meghan answered, without looking up from her drawing. Elliot knew the Hartley kids but couldn't figure out why they'd be there without their Mom.

"Elliot could you watch them for me, just until I get back." Carol asked.

"Why what's so…"

"Aunt Carol, I really, really have to go!" Molly pled.

"Oh." He understood immediately. Carol placed Lauren in his arms. "Hey, wait…Carol!"

"Okay, come on Molly, we're going right now." Carol took Molly's hand and left without a word to Elliot.

"Hi kid: Elliot Carlin." He introduced himself to Lauren. He knew there was a baby, but he didn't remember her name. Lauren stared up with wide blue eyes.

"We remember you." Bridget said without looking up.

"Y-you do?" He was surprised that they remembered him. They were usually asleep when he and his girlfriend Michelle came to their house and so he hadn't seen them in quite a while.

"I'm Meghan. These are my baby sisters Bridget and Lauren."

"Hey I'm not a baby!" Bridget protested. "And the one who had to go down the hall is _our_ baby sister Molly." Carlin smiled, while he was not a people person, he liked kids…deep inside that is. Suddenly the door opened.

"Hi girls I…" Bob had just finished a long phone conversation with Mr. Peterson. "…hey where's Molly!?" He was immediately alarmed.

"Aunt Carol took her to the bathroom." Meghan said.

"Oh. That's why you're holding the baby. "Bob didn't think this would've been voluntary and took his daughter back from Mr. Carlin. "I'll see you in one more hour and we'll go home, okay."

Meghan and Bridget just nodded and continued looking at their drawings. They didn't believe him, he'd said that about several things including lunch, nap and time to go outside.

"Hurry back Daddy." Molly said, hugging his legs as she ran back to where her sisters sat.

"I will I promise sweetheart. And Carol, could you find a way to heat one of the bottles Emily left? Lauren is going to start screaming any moment."

"He said that about lunch a billion hours ago!" Meghan complained.

"And home. Mommy would've taken us home by now." Bridget had a headache.

"And Mommy would've fed Lauren an hour ago." Molly realized.

"So, what's the problem today Mr. Carlin?" Bob asked, taking Lauren's blanket off his desk where he'd left it. He wrapped her up and held her close as he sat down, knowing that they were just minutes away from her sobbing.

"Hey kid. It's my time. Beat it." He said to Lauren. Lauren, was, by this time, busy sucking on her father's hand.

"Mr. Carlin she _**is**_ my daughter."

"It's just weird to watch you sit here and play Mommy."

"You know there's, there's more to being a Dad than uh…than distance." He laughed. He felt ashamed, and knew that no matter how hard this was going to be, Emily was right about his keeping the girls. Mr. Carlin reminded him that he'd been ignoring his kids all day.

"Yeah I guess your right, I know if I ever had a kid I wouldn't be distant."

"Really Mr. Carlin, you…"

"Hey she looks just like you." He attempted to change the subject.

"Bob here's the bottle, do you want me to take her?" Carol asked when she opened the door.  
"Oh no, thank you Carol. I'll feed her, it's alright."

"K Bob."

"So uh…your father and your abstract son…you wanna go with that?" Bob asked as he began feeding Lauren. The baby sighed; she felt complete comfort being fed and having Daddy hold her. Bob smiled to himself, knowing this. Perhaps the others would feel the same way if he put a little more effort into nurturing them.

"Well, my Dad probably never did that." He indicated Bob's feeding Lauren. "Hey what's her name?"

"Lauren. And yet you make fun of Michelle for having Daddy issues." He teased.

"Hey. That's valid. He's a huge jerk."

"I'm just pointing out something incredibly ironic, and the fact that you may've just made a breakthrough. You've never wanted to talk about your Dad before; and I think it's time."

"Okay, but for the record, is that the little muppet you were buying the house for?"

….

The girls were surprised and relieved that they left when Mr. Carlin did. They thought for sure that they'd be sitting in the reception area for several more hours and were excited to be going home. But instead of going home, they had another harrowing adventure before them. It took forever for their Dad to find their Mom's car in the parking garage. Bob and Emily had switched cars, and so Meghan, Bridget and Molly, who were already exhausted, followed their Dad around the parking garage while he tried to find the car. The girls all almost fell asleep by the time they were buckled in their seatbelts and were disappointed that they went to the grocery store instead of going home. The store was a long, frustrating trip because their Dad had no idea what to buy and they all fell asleep in the cart. All of this, of course, plus getting soaked in the storm, necessitated a long nap before dinner.

Bob let the girls sleep for an hour after they got home. They were all tired and it was a welcome distraction from all of the varying needs he couldn't satisfy right away. He took that time to settle into being home, to clean, to make dinner and to make sure his wife had arrived safely in Seattle. Dinner seemed to reenergize the girls and afterwards they watched cartoons for a little while. In that time he finally felt relaxed: like everyone's needs were met and he was doing something right. Nonetheless, it didn't take very long for everyone to begin to get tired and cranky again.

Lauren conked out first and fell fast asleep on her father's chest. He smiled down at his infant daughter and placed a kiss on her cheek. Bridget sat on the end of the couch opposite her father, trying to feed a baby doll, all while still coughing, Meghan sat close to her Dad sucking her thumb, something that he was trying to get her to stop doing. He kept his free arm, the one not holding Lauren, wrapped around Meghan. Finally Molly sat on the other side of her Dad holding the remote control and giggling a mile a minute. They were watching an old roadrunner cartoon and while the girls were laughing a mile a minute he thought it was almost time to go to bed. He noticed that Bridget's coughing only seemed to get worse and didn't want the rest of the girls to get what she had.

"Bridget honey." He whispered. "Don't cough on your baby or on your hands, cough on your arm, okay?" He asked. She nodded, yawning and coughing at once.

"Awe it's over." Molly cried as the cartoon was ending.

"Girls, it's bedtime." He said.

"No Dad!" Molly protested. "Pwease! It's Marvin the Martian."

"Okay, but then its bedtime." He swore.

He took joy in watching his daughters over the next few minutes. Molly was laughing, Meghan and Lauren had snuggled up to him, he felt good about this given that they'd all made him felt pretty unwanted that day, and of course Bridget was coughing and laughing.

"Okay, it's really bedtime this time." He said when the cartoon ended. He grabbed the remote from Molly and turned off the tv.

"No we're not ready Daddy." Bridget informed.

"We wanted to spend time with you!" He noticed Meghan snuggle up to him.

"You can spend time with me tomorrow. Okay? We'll stay in, we'll watch more cartoons…But for now, it's high time we go to sleep."

"Daddy can I wear my tutu to sleep pwease?" Molly asked as she followed her father up the stairs.

"No honey, you know the rule for that, when you wear your tutu you don't sleep." He reminded.

Bob helped Meghan, Bridget and Molly up the stairs, it was a long trek because they were exhausted, refusing to admit it, and not very big compared to the stairs. Bridget, Molly and Lauren were easy to tuck into bed and the three fell asleep very quickly. But it was a different story with Meghan.

"Meghan, what is it honey, why are you clinging to Daddy?" He asked.

She'd followed him closely as he put the younger girls to bed and began to follow him back to his room.

"Because I love my Daddy."

"Aw Meghan I love you too, munchkin."

"Daddy can I sleep in your bed with you?" Meghan asked.

"Well no honey, you should sleep in your own bed."

"Please Daddy, I want to be close to you, please!" He knew immediately that she was having separation anxiety from her Mother.

"Okay I guess it would be okay if you come with Daddy." He picked her up, reasoning that her having less exposure to Bridget might be best anyway.

Meghan wrapped her arms around her father's neck, hugging him tightly. Besides, this was not really new, all three of the girls liked to take turns sleeping with their parents, something, which, Bob and Emily were trying to stop.

"I love you Daddy."

"I love you too Meghan." He said, kissing her forehead as he tucked her into bed. "Sweet dreams my little love." Bob climbed into his side of the bed and turned out the light.

Meghan hugged her Mom's pillow and smiled as she tried to fall asleep. It smelled like her, which put her at ease. Usually, when she slept with her parents, she'd fall asleep in her Mother's arms. Bob sadly observed that Meghan wanted her Mommy. It made him even more nervous about the prospect of something happening to her. How would the girls handle it?

He panicked at this thought. He'd only considered himself before when he thought of the possibility of Emily dying. Loosing her would affect the girls in a way he thought he could calculate but not actually fathom. It would mean Meghan, his mini-Emily, would be devastated, probably permanently, Bridget would be lost and scared…and eventually Molly and Lauren wouldn't remember her. And if the new baby survived and she didn't…well then he just didn't think he'd manage at all. He'd be crushed and left with four little girls who had a gaping void in their life he couldn't even try to mend, and a son who would never know what it was like to have a mother.

And worse, as they got bigger, all four of them (and possibly the fifth too) would do nothing but remind him of her. They all had something about them; in their faces, in the way the moved, breathed even, that was very obviously Emily. This was especially true with Meghan and Molly. Even right now, as he watched Meghan in her sleep, she was the image of her mother. If he lost his wife, seeing her in his girls would be a painful treasure forever. He knew that he and the girls loved each other enough to get through it but he hoped to God they didn't have to.

Bob reached over and traced his finger along Meghan's cheekbone, smiling bitter sweetly. Meghan sighed as she slept in her mother's place, hugging her pillow, wearing the same sweet little smile on her lips. Bob's heart ached at the thought that he might have to explain to her that her Mother wasn't going to come back. How was he supposed to explain that to his innocent little girls? He almost couldn't stand thinking about it.

Bob didn't know what to do with himself…or with the girls if that were to actually happen. He could turn it over and over again in his mind and it would sink in and begin to crush his soul, and yet he couldn't really fathom the effects, especially for Meghan who was closest to her Mom and loved her above all else. Mommy was her world. Bob thought that if Emily didn't make it Meghan would be devastated, broken even…she would also be left in the horrible position of having to be a Mother-figure for her younger sisters. As the oldest, he knew this would be inevitable and he didn't want to burden his little girl with something so terrible, especially when he knew that she wasn't really the type for it. Meghan was a princess…a brat even…but the sweetest, kindest one he'd ever known, she was barely the big sister type, let alone the Motherly type….

Molly was the one who cared deeply for others, trouble was, she was too young to be of much help. She had a sensitive soul and he knew that loosing her Mother would be very hard on her in a whole different way, and being so young, he doubted that she'd even remember Mommy very well by the time she was Bridget's age. He was sad that he knew she'd remember enough of Emily to miss her and long for her.

Bridget was a good thinker for such a young girl. He knew she'd cry and cry while mulling the bad news around in her little head, trying to figure out what had happened to Mommy and how she could fix it. Trouble was there'd be nothing to do. She'd spend all this time trying to figure out how to bring her Mother back and being too little to understand that she could not.

Then there was Lauren. They didn't know the full extent of her heart condition yet and they wouldn't until November. What if he had to raise a baby with a severe heart condition all on his own? What if she died too…he didn't think he could handle losing the daughter that was most like him anyway. Lauren had been his one comfort today, when all the other girls were busy whining and missing Mommy, Lauren had been thrilled to be with him and he knew it…Emily was also thrilled to be with him whenever she was, and he sure didn't think he could handle them both.

Then finally, there was unborn Robbie. He could loose Robbie too. In one scenario he could loose Robbie and keep Emily even. He wasn't sure Emily would endure that very easily. In that schema, they would all loose her in a different way; she'd withdraw from them and become depressed, much like she had in the hospital with Lauren. Emily felt very strongly about keeping Robbie alive over her if it came to that, and he wasn't sure he agreed. She was adamant on giving him this son. He hadn't thought about it much but he knew he could never make the choice between his wife and his son. His son…Bob loved the impending boy in a way he'd never loved anything, and yet…he was terrified that if Emily died and the baby survived, he'd hate the little baby. He feared he'd be unable to take him home and show him the love he'd shown the girls all these years because the boy would be at fault for everything that had gone wrong in his life…for his daughter's sorrow, his wife's death and his broken heart.

Bob looked at the clock, how was it that he'd laid there for two hours already? Sighing, and with tears in his eyes, he rolled over determined to shut it all out and go to sleep. Bob turned over and tried his best to sleep but his efforts were futile. Instead, he lye there thinking about what he would do incase Emily died. It was as if he was being taunted, and forced to focus on this. Bob bit his lip, turning over again in bed. He tried to think about anything else: about Mr. Carlin and the problems they'd discussed that day, about many pleasant moments he'd shared with his Lauren, even about the terrible coffee Carol had made that morning, but nothing seemed to free his mind.

At first, he had had a hard time thinking about raising four little girls (and possibly a brand new baby boy) alone. He'd already been making plans that Emily didn't know about. For example, if she did die, Carol was going to come and live with them for a while to help out. That had been something she'd volunteered to do when he'd told her the full reality of the news about baby number five. He couldn't stand to think of it and had said nothing to his long time secretary and friend about it, other than to nod in acceptance. Bob was more distressed than he'd allowed anyone to know, except for Carol and until that night he'd been able to keep it all inside. It had been killing him to do that.

But as he lye there he realized he had other options: family and friends. He could divide his children; maybe have Aggie raise Molly and Lauren. Then of course, he'd give Robbie to his mother, and Bridget and Meghan would go live with Ellen and Howard...Bob started to cry again at this thought, he didn't want to give away his kids but he didn't think there was any other choice: at least for a while. Judging by the way things had gone alone with the girls that day, he wasn't sure that anything else would work, at least at first.

"How and I going to do this?" He asked aloud, placing his face in the palms of his hands.

"Daddy its okay." Meghan mumbled in her sleep. She rolled back over on her side and began to snore again. Bob laughed; Meghan's concern bringing a slight smile to his extremely distressed face because that's exactly what Emily did when he was awake and distressed in the middle of the night.

…

"Daddy! Daddy!" Meghan called.

"Daddy please wake up!" Bridget begged.

"Daddy?" Bob woke up, startled, when he heard Molly's panicked little voice.

"Daddy you're crying." Bridget accused sorrowfully.

"Maybe we can make it better." Meghan suggested.

"No girls, Daddy wasn't crying he's fine." He reassured.

In that moment, Bob realized he'd been crying in his sleep. He paused for a moment, letting bits of the dream come back to him. In the dream, several years had passed and the girls, including Lauren, were visibly older. Meghan was probably close to nine and Lauren's was still tiny, maybe almost three. Molly wasn't there, but Bridget and Meghan were brushing their toddler sister's hair, putting it up in cute little pigtails are telling her how they once had a Mommy who loved them very much…that was all he could remember, but it was enough and he understood why he'd been sobbing.

"Yes he was." Bridget insisted, her voice taking her father out of his thoughts. He stared at the three girls for a few split seconds.

"Daddy, what's wrong?" Meghan asked. Bob sighed. They'd have to know sooner or later wouldn't they?

"Look girls uh, sometimes Daddy has grown up things he has to worry about and they're nothing you have to worry about; okay?"

"Are you sure?" Bridget questioned.

"I'm sure Bridge."

"Dadda no more cry." Molly pouted. Bridget dried his tears with her tiny fingers Meghan kissed his cheek.

"Daddy whatever it is we'll fix it." Meghan informed.

"Yeah, we promise!" Molly added.

"We don't like our Daddy to be sad." Bridget explained.

"Oh girls, girls you can't fix this sweethearts." Bob was a little overwhelmed by this. He didn't think he'd ever felt quite this…loved. By anyone. "But I sure appreciate your trying. If nothing else, you have made me feel a lot better. You've uh…you've made Daddy understand something better." He said, biting his lip and almost starting to cry again.

What had he almost done?! He couldn't give up and give them away! What had he been thinking?! They were _his_ children. He loved them and Emily would be ashamed of him and also very hurt by that. Giving away their babies would be a horrible way to honor her memory. He had to give raising them alone a chance just as Emily had to give the baby she was carrying a chance at life. He had a responsibility he had to live up to. In nano seconds he came to the realization that he could never give them away or not keep them near him….they were part of Emily and part of him…. he couldn't very well loose her and then loose her all over again by loosing them. At least this way, his life would still be worth living.

He'd keep them, love them and do the very best he could. Their comfort made him realize that his love for them and theirs for him would be enough to get them through. After all, he couldn't let the girls loose both of their parents. Especially if he was going to be the only parent that three of them could remember…

"We have!" Molly was delighted to have helped her Dad.

"You have. I love you three so much." He said, all three climbed into his arms and he hugged them tightly. "Remember always, that I love you more than anything in the entire world. A-and that without the three of you, my world would be meaningless." He watched three little smiles come to their tiny faces and he kissed Meghan's cheek.

"We love you too!" Molly squealed.

"A-and I-I know you've been wanting Mommy all day a-and talking about the way she does things b-but I'm not Mommy, I'm Daddy."

"We know your not Mommy, silly Daddy." Molly giggled. Bob smiled.

"Girls, my point is that because I know you were upset about the timing of lunch, and dinner and nap and all these things you needed today because I didn't do it just like your Mom would. And because I'm not your Mom, a-and I'm not as experienced at taking care of all of you, I'm not going to do everything the same…but the four of you and I will find our own pace that works for us. Do you understand?"

"Like when Mommy was having Lauren and you mostly took care of us?" Meghan asked.

"T-that's right." He said. Meghan and Bridget smiled, recalling that this had been difficult at first but that it had worked out very well.

"Okay Daddy!" Bridget coughed.

"So the three of you understand, and you'll be more patient with me from now on?" They nodded enthusiastically and Bob was relieved.

"And we're going to sleep here." Molly declared.

"On Mommy's pillow to make sure that you don't cry again."

"Okay, that sounds good." Bob smiled bitter sweetly and tucked all three of his daughters in bed next to him.

He swallowed his tears and his deep shame. How could he have thought about ever giving them up? They would be his joy and his comfort…and he was blown away by how much they seemed to love him…Still, he didn't know how he was going to be both Mommy and Daddy to those girls…he thought he was a decent Father, but he knew he couldn't really fill the Mommy shoes for four little girls who adored theirs.

"Good night my girls." He said when they were all close to going back to sleep. "I love you no matter what and more than you'll ever understand. And I promise I'll always do the best I can for you."


	14. Our Son From My Heart, Part I

Chapter 14- Our Son From My Heart, Part I

_**August 27**__**th**__**, 1983**_

"It's sweet of you to take me out Bob." Emily laughed, rubbing her stomach

softly.

She looked down at herself, barely believing she could already be there once again: the end of this pregnancy had crept up on them and Emily was nervous about its ending. She would deliver the baby by scheduled c-section in just a few days and Bob had insisted they go out to dinner before hand. He smiled, reaching across the table to take her hand in his own.

"Well I mean it's a special occasion. We're about to bring our son into the world: and then after that, we'll have two babies. You remember what its like to have two babies Emily it takes a lot to get out of the house…we probably won't be doing this again for a while." And by a while he met until Lauren was two.

"I know." She sighed.

"And besides, I really want you to have a good time, to get out before you have the c-section, because I know how much you've, you've been dreading that."

"Oh, thank you sweetheart." Emily sighed, she was dreading her c-section, and despite the risks, she wanted to have her last baby the normal way and have him placed on her chest when he was born so she could hold him for the first time, instead of finally holding him a week later like she had with Lauren.

"How um…how do you feel about that Emily?" He asked. She bit her lip considering this for a moment.

Emily had not been looking forward to the birth. She was excited at the idea that she'd be meeting her son soon…but apart from that she was dreading the c-section and the long recovery from it. Part of her was even scared that her own demise might only be days away. Still, she tried not to focus on those things, and had spent the last several days spending time with her girls and trying to relax before she gave birth.

"I'm not excited about it Bob. I mean, I want to hold him when he's born. I missed out on that with Lauren and well honestly I'm still resentful over that. I'm always going to be."

"Emily I know. That was hard. But I promise this will be different. Robbie's much healthier than his big sister. We already know that." Emily smiled, understanding that Bob was trying hard to make her feel better about this even though he was still very scared himself. "So even if you're in bed and you can't hold him just yet, Robbie will be able to stay by his Mommy's side, like Lauren couldn't and I can hold him and share him with you. D-does that help?"

"It does." She admitted.

Lauren not being able to stay with her in the hospital had been nerve-wracking for her. Not only had that been a painful separation but Emily was worried about something happening to her as Meghan, Bridget and Molly hadn't left their parent's sight while they were newborns in the hospital. She was secretly worried about what would happen to Robbie if she weren't there to watch over him.

"Bob I just don't want it to be like that again." She knew it would be.

"Honey I promise it won't. H-how do you feel?" He asked that every five minutes these days.

"I think he's almost ready to be born…and other than that I'm just fine." Part of her wanted to keep the little boy tucked under her heart forever.

"Now would you like to dance?"

"Dance?" Emily laughed, looking down at her eight-month-pregnant frame again. "Sure. If you really want to dance with a huge pregnant lady."

"It would be my pleasure…I mean you're not huge…I."

"Bob." Emily laughed, "I love you."

Bob relished holding his wife as they made their way across the dance floor. He was terrified that this would be their last outing together and wanted to make every moment of it special: something he could remember for the rest of his life. The end of this pregnancy had crept up on him too and somehow he felt as if time was running out. Emily and the baby were doing well but he was still afraid. And while he was being encouraging to her, he hid all his fear inside. The Doctor had personally assured him that she'd probably be just fine, that is, if she had a c-section….

…

"Bob." Emily sat up in bed and turned on the light. A few hours had passed since they'd gotten home. It was just after midnight and Emily awoke to a sharp pain.

"Um…" Bob stirred, it was late and he was in a deep sleep. "Emily…"

"Bob I think I just had a contraction."

"Um…that's nice honey." He yawned.

"Bob I think I'm in labor wake up!"

"You're what? You're, NOW!" He asked, sitting up straight in bed.

"Shu, don't wake the girls. Oh!" She cried out loud.

"Honey, let's, let's just figure this out, okay?" Bob was confused and barely awake.

"Okay, okay." She agreed, taking a breath. She'd only woken up in pain maybe ten minutes before and couldn't believe how strong it was coming on already.

"You….are you sure it's labor I mean, maybe it's just a little indigestion or…"

"No Bob…ahhh…"

"B-but it's too early." He protested.

"No." She groaned. He too was surprised at the observation that her labor seemed to be coming on so quickly and wondered if she'd slept through some of it as she had with both Bridget and Molly. "He's supposed to come early, remember?"

"But you're not supposed to be in labor Emily! That's why we're having a c-section in two days!" Bob's heart began to pound when he said this.

He was fully awake now and just realizing how much risk she now was in due to the fact that contractions had started. Labor was supposed to be avoided, its onset met a much greater risk to her: the contractions met the possibility of death.

"Come on Emily, we better get up." He thought he was beginning to panic.

"Yeah I guess we better…." She said, she'd also just realized how bad this was and was beginning to grow anxious. "Bob?"

"Yeah honey."

"Bob….whatever happens," she began and in saying this he understood that she knew it was bad for her that labor had begun on its own, "I love you…and I always will."

"I love you too. More than I'll ever love anyone or anything." He kissed her forehead. "And I promise it's going to be alright."

"Make sure my girls know that every day of their lives…promise me." She grabbed his hand and squeezed her eyes shut, baring through another bit of pain. "Promise me…Every day. School day. Play day…Wedding day."

"I promise Emily. Every day."

….

"Emily, are you sure…" He asked, when they went downstairs.

He didn't want to believe this was happening and began to question her as they prepared to leave the house. They'd gotten changed, grabbed her bag and ran downstairs in a flash. Now they were trying to be quiet so they wouldn't wake the girls.

"Of course I'm sure this is my fifth time, don't you think I know what's what by now Bob?" She asked. Not only was she scared she was quickly growing annoyed.

"Well sure but…"

"But, but what?!" She was angry and in pain. "Please have Howard come over or something so he can stay with the girls. I need to go to the hospital and ouch! I need to go now!"

"Emily, I…

"Now!" She urged, almost gritting her teeth.

"Emily you started your labor what ten minutes ago... it's…"

"No, no its not." She corrected, not wanting to hear, once again that things would be fine when she knew he was really panicked.

Emily realized, that labor went faster with each baby and with all hers this had been true with of course, the exception of Lauren, who'd been tied up in her umbilical cord. She knew, judging by this fact combined with how quickly her pain had come on, and that she'd been asleep when the contractions began, that this baby would come quicker than all his big sisters had. So she had no idea how long she'd been in labor. She be could close to the end …she could deliver in the living room for all she knew…she might not make it to the hospital…

"Howard and Ellen said they'd be right over."

"Urgggh!" She let out a deep breath. That contraction was strong: it scared her. "Fine. The girls are sleeping anyway. Let's go: now."

"Emily we can't leave when the girls are sleeping."

"Oh so now you're Mr. Calm-cool-and-collected when you've been the one panicking for the past eight months…Ouch! Bob…I'm waiting in the car."

"What?!"

"You heard me. It'll take me a while to get out there and we need the time."

"W-we'll need the time?"

"Yes!" She said, putting her bag on her shoulder and beginning to walk out the door.

"Mommy where are you going?" Molly asked, she rubbed her eyes as she came down the stairs.

"Oh honey it's okay, go back to bed." Bob told her.

"Mommy's having the baby, there's nothing to be scared of." Emily said, taking a deep breath and trying to hide her pain from the little girl.

"Will you be okay?" Molly was worried.

"She'll be just fine honey." Bob soothed, trying to urge the girl to climb back up the stairs and get back in bed. Emily wished he wouldn't have promised Molly that.

"Can I help?" Molly asked.

"Yes sweetie. Help Mommy by getting back into bed okay and be extra quiet so Lauren doesn't wake up!"

"Okay Mommy. I love you." She said, running up and hugging her Mom's legs.

"I love you too sweetheart. Very, very much." She replied, glad that Molly had come to hug her legs. "Always and always my Molly Olly."

Emily took a moment and paused to watch Molly jaunt backup the stairs. It wasn't lost on Emily that this could be the last time she'd see one of her girls and her heart began to quicken its pace in total fear that all this seemed to be becoming a reality. A single tear poured down her cheek as she watched little Molly dissappear from sight and suddenly she wanted a hug from Meghan and Bridget more than she could even describe.

"Ahhhhh!" Emily cried as soon as Molly was out of earshot. Bob knew she'd been holding that one in.

"Emily you…you really are closer than I think, aren't you?"

"Yes Bob! I must've been having little contractions for hours…I didn't think anything was happening before I went to bed. Nothing, then all of a sudden bam these really big ones started hitting when I woke up!"

"Hi guys." Howard said, announcing himself as he and Ellen let themselves in the front door. Bob and Emily walked out without a word.

"They could've said hi." Howard lamented.

"Howard they're having a baby. You know how stressful it is."

"Yeah….wait…where are the boys Ellen?"

"Howard, you're holding them." She laughed at her half asleep husband.

"Oh!"

"Come here Zachie, yeah." Ellen said, taking one off her sleeping two-year-old sons in her arms. "Let's go to bed and leave tired Zombie Daddy here to be confused."

…

"Oh, oh! Bob I don't think we're going to make it." Emily confessed.

Bob felt like a moron for not believing her before about the strength of her labor, for trying to pretend it wasn't happening. It had obviously come on very fast. He knew this process well enough to recognize that she was at the end of her contractions and should've realized she knew it far better than even he did. He allowed her to squeeze his hand tightly even as he drove.

"Ahwww!" She yelled, pressing her head back against the seat as he ran a red light.

"It's okay we'll get there, we're almost there."

"Bob I think he's coming out I don't even think I'm going to have to push that much….ohhhhh…or at all!"

"But Emily you're not supposed to push!" He reminded. Pushing was the part that could kill her, after all.

It was then that Bob pulled up to the hospital…the part where the ambulances pulled up. He left the key in the ignition, the engine running and helped Emily out of the car. Thankfully an orderly saw them and helped them in right away, while another took care of the car.

"First baby?" The orderly asked, noting their nervousness. His smile eased Emily's nerves. He was young, blonde, and probably only a few years out of high school.

He'd helped Emily into a wheelchair and was rushing them to the maternity ward. She thought it was nice to be off of her feet and still wouldn't let go of Bob's hand. As always she was nervous but the couple felt like they could relax a little now that they were on their way upstairs. They'd have an emergency c-section and she and the baby would be out of danger in no time.

"No." Bob and Emily answered at once, beginning to laugh as they got onto the elevator.

"It's our, our fifth."

"Fifth…really?"

"Yeah, but its our first boy." Emily explained.

"Or so we've been told." Bob added. Suddenly the elevator rattled, went dark then stopped. The lights flashed back on, they were stuck.

"Oh no not again." Bob observed.

"Again?" The orderly asked.

"We got stuck in an elevator while she was in labor with our oldest."

"Oh…well that's a weird coincidence." The young man couldn't quite believe this. It seemed to odd to be true.

"Ahhhhh!" Bob could tell that Emily's scream startled the orderly, who'd since begun to work on their getting out of the elevator. "Bob." She said. "I told you before I think he's coming out." She was scared and began to cry when she said this.

"R-right now?"

"Yeah. I can feel his head. Do you know what to do if the baby comes?"

"You said that about Meghan when you were having her in an elevator!" Again, he didn't want to believe this.

"She was also my first baby and I didn't know what the hell I was talking about Bob!" She cried. "Ahhhhh!"

"Well it looks like it'll be a while before we get out of here, I can't get in contact with anyone." The orderly informed. He had been listening to their conversation but thought he knew what to do.

"Oh great." Bob was mad. The young orderly had no idea what kind of hurry they were in. "You see she has to have…"

"But the good news is we're in a busy hospital…someone's bound to notice that we're in this elevator very soon." He reassured. It was a busy hospital and there were only two elevators. Soon, someone would need this one: badly.

"Oooooohhahhhhhhh!"

"Emily…I."

"Bob…his head is coming out I'm serious!"

"Emily…I…"

"Don't you think I know the difference between nothing and a whole human head!" She was livid at him. "Ahhhh…." She began again, squeezing his hand and trying to stop herself from screaming. "Bob….I think I'm ready." She took a deep breath.

"Rea-rea-ready for what?"

"For pushing." She was furious that he wasn't catching on quickly.

"Oh…" This was a nightmare, or rather, he wished it was..."Honey, can you wait till we get upstairs and…"

"Uh-uh…no I can't!" She winced. "If I could, I would Bob but he's not going to wait honey." She said, almost confiding in him.

"It's okay Mrs. Hartley if you think it's time to deliver…I am studying to be a nurse." The orderly volunteered.

"Oh it's time…trust me it's time! Haaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! Oh, ow! Ow!" Emily cried. "Please make it stop!"

"I would if I could sweetheart, just breathe through it, it's going to be okay." Bob soothed. Inside he was shaking, this was like the worst of all possible scenarios coming true and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Oh Bob."

"It's alright honey, it's okay." He said, running his fingers through her hair.

Bob was frozen and didn't know quite what to do for a minute. He realized that it was time, her pain was continuous after all. But he, was nervous: he knew that because of the c-section she'd had less than a year before, Emily really needed more specialized care than she was getting there in the elevator. Having the baby in the operating room, rather than here in the elevator made all the difference as to wheater or not his wife was going to live. He wondered if he should tell the Orderly that. At the same time; if the baby was already coming out, wouldn't trying to hold him in be far worse for her?

He thought so, it made sense that doing nothing would cause the pressure to increase and thus increase the likelihood of rupture. Bob was suddenly grateful that he wasn't delivering the baby alone in light of that knowledge. A tear poured down his cheek as he watched Emily, who was already in so much pain. He knew the decision had been left up to him as to wheather she should push or not and he was terrified because it was for sure a life and death thing. He knew he couldn't live with himself if the decision went south and that somehow he'd have to. He watched her carefully, noting that she was scared and struggling with this, and also that she was really ready to have this kid.

"So you know what your doing with this baby thing?" Bob was growing increasingly paranoid about all of this by the moment. "Our last one was a c-section…she's not yet one-year-old herself." Bob quickly decided to inform, hoping he wouldn't have to spell it all out.

"And I'm only eight months pregnant. And we know it's weird. We didn't plan this…Hah!" Emily cried. "Ouch!"

"Mrs. Hartley…"

"Uhha?" She cringed.

"Do you want to see if you can push?" Emily nodded quickly, making the decision herself, and still squeezing Bob's hand.

Bob was a little surprised, and then remembered she'd made the decision months before to give her life for Robbie's if it came to that. In that moment, Bob knew, without a doubt that he'd rather have her.

"I'm too afraid to push." She admitted, but didn't say why. The same fears were running through her head that were currently running through Bob's, except these fears were about her own demise and her son's as well.

"Honey I know your afraid and with good reason but remember, your going to get through this." Bob said, reminding her that she had to keep survival in mind. Emily nodded, tears in her eyes.

"Mrs. Hartley, I think it would be safer for the baby, who wants to come out now, if you did push." The nurse to be assessed.

Like Bob, she also thought that pushing the baby would be less risky than trying to hold it in but hadn't wanted to admit it before because she was so afraid., Emily thought that her body would react badly if she didn't do this, she could feel that beginning to happen and didn't want to just go along with it.

"Emily, not too hard, remember the risk." Bob whispered, wishing she wouldn't do this.

"Okay Bob." She whispered to him. "Ahhhhhhh!" She screamed, reaching out and grabbing his collar.

"That was a good start honey." He whispered. He was surprised, scared and relieved all at once when this one little push had gotten most of the baby's head out.

She nodded, focusing most of her attention on the pushing she was doing. She was scared to death, but it was obvious baby wasn't going to wait. Emily was a little mortified this was happening just like it almost had when she'd had Meghan…on that note, this was the second child she'd have with no pain relief because of an elevator….Despite the risks, she was so thankful to not have had her first baby in the elevator. At least now she sort of knew what to expect, she had a sort of nurse there and a blanket covering her from the waist down, not just Bob and his jacket...

"You're doing a great job Mrs. Hartley," The orderly said.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" She screamed as tears poured down her cheeks. She grabbed onto her husband's arms as she pushed.

Bob looked down and could see the baby's head, wondering, as he had four times before, if he might be looking at his son. Bob exhaled and decided to just let it go. He didn't care anymore: he just wanted Emily to get through this alright. If this was really daughter number five then he couldn't wait to meet her either. He just couldn't help it.

"Er..ahhhh!" She cried, squeezing his hand and giving another push.

"Emily, he's got the baby's head honey it's time to start on the shoulders, okay? So push down and you've gotta push harder."

Emily felt like she was being torn in two and didn't know how she could possibly push any harder than she already was. Nonetheless, she dedicated what little strength she had left to pushing out the baby's shoulders.

Bob was worried. Emily seemed to grow weaker and weaker by the push, and he knew that wasn't normal. She wasn't even screaming now, just laying there moaning and baring through it in his arms. He could tell she was just writhing in pain and that worried him to death. Usually, women screamed in childbirth. And usually by this point, she was yelling at him…Nonetheless, he kept getting pushes from her when he asked for them and that was immensely comforting…to a point…Emily was almost unresponsive to them now.

"Okay Mrs. Hartley, one more." The orderly asked.

"Honey, hang on, he's almost out." Bob whispered.

….

"How could I ever have thought about hating you?" Bob asked, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Now that it was all over, Bob stood alone in the hospital hallway holding his tiny newborn son. The screaming and turmoil of the birth had subsided. He'd grown so used to it that the silence was almost deafening. Baby Robbie fussed and looked up at his father with great big blue eyes, staring intently, almost as if he were afraid. Bob cradled him gently, trying to comfort him.

"No. I could never hate you my son. Because you look just like her."

In truth, Robbie looked like a perfect combination of his Mom and Dad, you could tell he was their son, without question…but Bob looked down and all he saw was Emily.


	15. Our Son From My Heart, Part II

Chapter 15- Our Son From My Heart, Part II

"_It's a promise Bob."_

"_A-a promise?"_

"_Yes. A promise that he and I will come out of this just fine."_

"_Oh Emily…"_

"_And I appreciate your giving up your book tour as a gift of concern and consideration from the heart." She began and he smiled. "My gift isn't the basketball, but instead it's our son, from my heart."_

….

Bob was trying his best to be soothing, but he didn't think it was doing much good. He would've thought Emily was passed out cold if it weren't for the fact that she was still whimpering in pain and digging her nails into his hand. Her lack of response was terrifying to him, but at the same time, he was immensely comforted by the sensation of her squeezing his hand: it met she had some strength left.

"It's okay sweetheart; it's going to be okay." He said, not wanting to admit that he'd probably said this to comfort himself more than he had to comfort her.

The orderly also noted Emily's unresponsiveness. But unlike Bob, he knew there was more blood than there should be and was worried about it. He said nothing to Bob about this. After all, it would just create more panic. There was really not a lot that he could do about it, beyond trying to deliver the baby and get them all out of the elevator. He looked up at the elevator doors hopelessly, wishing he could will them to open, although he was sure all of them would've done that first thing if it were possible.

"What was that?" Bob asked. He and the Orderly looked around, their eyes opening wide in complete surprise when they heard a dinging sound.

"It's opening, the door's opening!" He exclaimed.

Bob and the Orderly quickly ascertained what was happening and moved Emily off the elevator, luckily, into a lobby full of nurses who jumped into help. The rest transpired so fast that Bob wasn't exactly sure what had happened. Within moments they'd been helped into an empty room.

"Emily it's going to be okay now…I promise." Bob whispered in her ear. She squeezed his hand a little more weakly this time as she pushed. Her loss of strength coupled with their new place in a real room served as a great contrast for him and he was no longer able to tell himself that something wasn't wrong. Nonetheless, Bob watched intently, his eyes glued to the baby as it began to cry.

"Emily! H-he's a boy!" Bob was overcome with surprise. He hadn't voiced it, but he was sure that it was going to be a girl again. He was ecstatic and began to cry, quickly turning back to share this with his wife. "Emily i…"

The enormity of her unresponsiveness hit him in this moment: once the baby was out he'd heard her let out an audible breath then watched as she let her head drop totally to the side.

"Emily!"

Bob couldn't believe this was happening and felt like the world was about to close in on him. In that moment, he knew his tears were more for her than for the baby, but tried not to acknowledge them, they made him feel desperate and scared.

"Emily are you okay?" He plead for any reaction from her. "Sweetheart please, say something…Emily…"

….

"H-hi." Bob said, turning to the baby he held in his arms as he left the nursery. "I can hardly believe its you." He said, tears rolling down his cheeks.

It was his first time getting to hold his son and the tiny boy blinked, calm now as he looked up at his father. Now that it was all over, Bob stood alone in the hospital hallway holding his tiny newborn son. The screaming and turmoil of the birth had subsided and the silence was almost deafening for him. Baby Robbie fussed and looked up at his father with great big blue eyes, staring intently, almost as if he were afraid. Bob cradled him gently, trying to comfort him.

"I'm sorry, Mommies are better at this Robbie." He told the boy. He hoped that Robbie would be able to know that himself soon.

He walked down the hall and slowly came to the place with the big window, overlooking the park, where he'd been with Lauren almost ten months earlier when he'd promised her that she'd make it through and grow into a beautiful young woman. He stopped there, in the same place and looked down at his boy in amazement, wondering now, if his wife would make it. Instead of dwelling on it, he addressed his newborn son, still overwhelmed with the idea that he was even there.

"Who knew just ten months ago that-that we'd be here." He said. "You and me…"

An hour had passed since the birth. Emily had been taken and was being looked after. He'd stayed with the baby all that time and gone to the nursery with him, partially because he'd not been allowed to go with Emily: he'd wanted to. He'd asked to. That hour had been one of the most overwhelming of his life. The nurses spoke to him, and he replied as needed, but Bob felt all alone and just started at his baby in an almost dazed state. He didn't know what to think or feel now.

On one hand, he was consumed with worry over his wife. He knew nothing about Emily's condition and was worried sick about her. Yet, he was amazed over his son who was thriving… He couldn't believe there was another one…and that it was a boy. He hadn't admitted to himself until now that he was so extremely excited to be getting a boy…to take to basketball games, to teach to be a good man, to carry on his name…

At the same time, it kept coming back to this tremendous overpowering guilt about Emily. He didn't know how she was doing, or what was wrong, or where she was now. The anguish of not being able to be with her was so pressing on his heart and mind he thought he was almost shaking. What was happening now? What had gone wrong? Would he see her again? Bob was happy to have a healthy baby to focus on now because it was the only thing keeping him from loosing it.

"I love you Robbie." Bob whispered, kissing the baby's temple very gently. Bob stared outside into the dark night. He didn't know where to go now. A

nurse had handed him his newborn son and sent him out alone into the hall. In the past, he'd taken his newborn girls to see Emily once they were done in the nursery, and without knowing where Emily was, he was stuck and just stayed starting out the window. It reminded him of the fear that he'd had about her dying before: would he spend the rest of his life standing there, staring out a window? He looked down when he heard the baby make a fussing sound.

"How could I ever have thought about hating you?" Bob asked, tears rolling down his cheeks. Bob had thought that if something happened to Emily, during the birth, he'd hate the boy because it would be is fault. But over the past hour, he'd come to realize that he didn't hate him because of what was happening: he treasured him all the more because he was the last thing Emily had given him. "No. I could never hate you my son. Because you look just like her."

In reality, Robbie looked like a perfect combination of his Mom and Dad, you could tell he was their son, without question…but Bob looked down and all he saw was Emily.

"Bob?" Bob's looked up from his son when he heard his wife's doctor call him.

"How is she? Where is she?" His heart leapt as he asked. "What happened?"

"Well." She began. "She's down the hall. Emily passed out from the blood loss, and went into an early stage of shock."

Bob said nothing, and turned his attention back to the newborn boy very briefly. He hugged him tightly, preparing to hear the worst. He'd noticed there was a lot of blood, more than there was supposed to have been, and had been worried about it.

"T-the rupture?" He had to ask.

"That's the good news." She brightened. "No rupture, nothing like that at all. Good call on having her push…I think you saved her life."

"I-I what?"

"She's sleeping and she's just fine. But I'm sure she'd like to see you now."

…..

"Um…Bob…um…where am I?" Emily asked.

She opened her eyes slightly and looked around as best as she could. She was very drowsy and could barely keep her eyes open long enough to survey her surroundings. Yawning, Emily couldn't help but close her eyes once again. She settled back into her pillow, finding that it was exceedingly comfortable. Was it all a dream? How was she at home in bed? Emily reached out to her left hoping that Bob would still be asleep beside her. Instead, her hand hit a metal bar, she clutched it for a moment, both testing her strength and trying to survey where she was.

Within seconds, Emily knew she was in a hospital bed. Panic darted through her veins…she was alive, but what had happened? Emily remembered now she had been in an elevator and that she was pushing the baby out…and then suddenly everything had gone blurry then black. She quickly moved her hand to her stomach pushing down to feel its contents…but she didn't really need to push, she could already feel that she was flat…totally empty inside. There was no baby and that very notion sent a chill up her spine. Emily could feel tears roll down her cheeks when she realized her baby wasn't there and quickly began to cry audibly.

"Where is he, where's my son?" She wondered out loud.

She clutched her mid-section protectively, just because she needed something to hold now that she'd come to a full realization of what had happened. She'd passed out from the pain and probably the fear too. That had to have been it. She cried as she wondered what had happened to her baby after she passed out. Did her inability to stay with it cause him to not make it? All she knew was that she had let him down.

"Robbie…Robbie honey I'm sorry." Emily cried. "Mommy tried so hard…."

Bob was immediately concerned when he walked into his wife's room and saw that she was awake and crying. He'd been told she'd be asleep. Seeing that her eyes were closed, he decided to sneak up on her and surprise her. Emily turned her head when she felt someone sit down beside her. Before she could open her eyes she received a quick kiss on the forehead and knew in seconds that it was Bob.

"Hey sweetheart there's nothing to cry about." He soothed and she could tell he sounded very happy.

"Bob I…"

"Are you feeling okay?"

"I-I don't know-I…" She hadn't even thought about that, she'd just been trying to figure out where she was and wondered why he hadn't mentioned their son. "Bob where…"

Bob decided to put the little bundle down next to his mother's face and Emily stopped when she heard the baby fuss.

"Bob oh Bob he's okay." A smile quickly spread to her face, and she turned her head to see her newborn son.

"You're both okay Emily."

"Bob, he's perfect! Can I hold him?"

"Of course." Bob helped Emily sit up in bed and placed the baby in her arms. He watched Emily as she observed the little boy. She seemed totally in awe.

"He's so tiny! Oh my Robbie!" Emily laughed, overjoyed to be seeing the son she wasn't sure she'd ever see. "Hi Robbie…hi it's Mommy, Mommy loves you so much, hi!" She whispered sweetly at the boy who stared up at her now. "Bob, what happened?"

"Y-you went into shock from blood loss…you were pushing, and all of a sudden you just started slipping away, you closed your eyes, you weren't screaming, you didn't say anything…you just kept pushing a-and after not too long he was born…."

Emily could remember now. In truth, she didn't know how she was alright now. For a few moments, she'd thought she was teetering on the edge, that she'd slip away any minute. And she finally did, allowing herself to fully pass out as soon as she heard the newborn baby boy begin to cry.

"Did..did it?"

"No. No rupture. You're okay. I-I'm just so glad you're okay…that you're both here." He began running his fingers through her hair. "I love you more than you can imagine."

"I love you too."

"How do you feel? Y-you were slipping away and it…I-I almost lost you." He noticed tears pouring down his cheeks now and she pulled him into a hug.

"Oh sweetheart. I'm here and we get to go on together. I told you I was going to be fine and I'm just fine. And here he is." She smiled. "Here's your son. He looks like his father." She remarked, observing the infant's eyes, which were undoubtably his father's and his sister Lauren's. She leaned down and gave her son a kiss for the first time.

"Are you kidding? With all that dark brown hair? I think he's got a lot of his Mommy in him…and that's why I love him so much." He commented, leaning his forehead against hers.

Emily giggled, elated that she was so loved. She could see both of them in baby Robbie right away and smiled. The girls had mostly seemed to take after one parent or the other: Meghan and Molly were hers in that way, Bridget and Lauren were Bob's. But not this one: Robbie seemed to be the perfect amalgamation of them.

…

Robbie had been born in the middle of the night and things had calmed down considerably by the time morning came. Bob was able to call home and check on Lauren (something he'd been dying to do for hours). He also called his parents and his in-laws to let them know that Emily and the baby were fine. Her parents were of course ecstatic that their daughter was alive, but he still wasn't looking forward to seeing them later in the week….He was also not looking forward to what he knew was coming next: a discussion about Robbie's heart.

"Mommy loves you sooo much!" Bob could hear Emily talking to Robbie as he rounded the corner and walked back into her room.

"E-Emily what are you doing?" He asked. She'd never done this with any of the girls.

"I'm nursing." She said happily, but simply.

"Y-you didn't with the girls…" He raised an eyebrow. She'd actually tried with Meghan and Bridget, but it hadn't worked.

"No but it was recommended because he was born almost a month early and I figured I needed a change. They also told me that it could still benefit Lauren too and she does need this…but I don't see why he needs it though, he's kind of big…" Emily giggled. Robbie was bigger than Meghan had been at birth and she was born late. "Honey what did they say in the nursery…is he okay?"

"O-okay? Y-yeah. H-he's wonderful."

"But the medication Bob…during the morning sickness?"

"H-he's fine from that, but Emily…there is this one thing."

She paused, giving him a blank, yet concerned look when he said this.

"Hello." One of the nurses who they'd been seeing all day knocked on the door. "Is now a good time Dr. Hartley?"

"N-no, I-I was just about to explain."

"Explain what?" Emily was highly alarmed and cradled her son protectively as she continued to nurse him. Bob sighed.

"E-Emily…"

"Emily, we're going to test him for the same heart defect Lauren has." Her doctor, who was also a good friend of hers, said as she followed the nurse into the room.

"No, no you're not." Emily was about to cry.

She looked down at the baby and observed that his skin was a perfect pink. He was strong, and a very fast eater and she knew immediately that this idea of testing his heart was needless.

"Emily you don't need to cry sweetheart." Bob reassured. "It's just a precaution. Nothing more."

The doctor had warned him a few months before that she wanted to have Robbie tested for Lauren's heart condition as soon as he was born. She'd called him at work just to tell him this, and the two had decided to keep it from Emily until after the birth so as not to stress her further.

"Emily we think Lauren's condition is genetic." The doctor continued. "If Meghan had had the heart condition instead of Lauren, we would've tested all your babies for it, and still just the one would've had it."

Bob thought it was strange that the doctors seemed to think that Lauren's condition was inherited. He and Emily had healthy hearts. He couldn't imagine who she could've inherited it from…

"I don't care if it's just a precaution! He's just fine and a perfect little baby. You're not putting him through this, you're not testing him for something he doesn't have!" Emily knew definitively by the way he lay calmly in her arms and suckled, that he was just fine. Lauren still wasn't this calm or this fast of an eater.

Robbie snuggled up closer to her. His eyes were closed tightly and he flinched at the noise. Like his father, he liked quiet, peaceful things. Emily already knew this about him and resented that all the noise was making the newborn fuss and get upset.

"Emily its one little test. Just to be sure. He has a perfectly healthy heartbeat and we don't truly suspect anything."

Bob had very secretly been worried about having a second baby with a horrible heart condition on top of everything else. But he had known Robbie was in the clear since the first time he held him. He was pink and the sound of his cries made it clear that his lungs and heart were strong. At the same time, the idea of doing this test didn't bother Bob. It was quick and painless and when they were done they'd know for sure that Robbie's heart was fine. Better yet, perhaps it would help Lauren. Maybe it would convince the Doctor's that they were wrong about this crazy idea that Lauren's condition was inherited.

"Then leave my baby alone." Emily said.

"E-Emily, it's for his own good." Bob said. He wanted to add that it was for Lauren's good as well.

"What, are you going to test my other girls too now?" She asked. "When they're three, five and six year old girls and we know they're alright?"

"Emily please, we're just going to take a closer look at his heart. He won't feel a thing and he'll be back in your arms in ten, fifteen minutes, I promise."

In the end, Bob allowed the nurse to take his son down the hall for the test and Emily began to cry.

"I worked so hard to give my husband a son and this is what gets to happen to him!" Emily muttered.

"Oh Emily…honey it's okay you know he's fine…I'm thinking this could help Lauren."

"Help Lauren, how?" She raised an eyebrow, like him, she was interested in anything that could conceivably help Lauren.

"When they see that Lauren's one of five siblings who have this condition, maybe they'll get off of this whole 'she inherited it thing.'" He suggested. "And maybe then, they'll decide its time to treat her."

Emily nodded, she saw his point and agreed. She too was sick of hearing that her daughter's condition was inherited when she had no idea who she could've gotten it from.

…

As promised, Bob and Emily got Robbie back not quite ten minutes after giving him up to the nurse. And like they both knew, he was perfectly fine. A day and a half quickly passed and Emily was ecstatic to go home. Bob dressed the baby while Emily got ready herself. He started down at his baby who lye half asleep in the hospital bassinet. Robbie sucked on his pacifier, his eyes closed, not seeming to mind that he was almost completely naked, which made sense, it was August and very hot outside.

The baby kicked his foot and Bob thought he was dreaming. He smiled, running his finger up and down the infant's tiny foot. Even after a day he was still amazed that the baby was his. And even though this was not his first child, he almost didn't know what to do…as if this Dad thing were whole new experience.

"Now Robbie. Don't say I didn't warn you." Bob whispered as he dressed the newborn. Robbie just blinked having no idea what his father was taking about or why he was putting all these clothes on him. Emily giggled in the background, finding the 'conversation' adorable. "But th-there's something you should know about…about when we go home…the thing is, you've got four big sisters at home. Not three, four. You're going home to a house of girls and they uh…they're not exactly happy you're a boy." Robbie didn't understand this. "So uh…you're going to have to do something to win them over."

"Oh honey he doesn't have to win his big sisters over. Ha they're going to love you, yes you are!" Emily told Robbie. "Mommy promises they're going to love you! Yes they are!"

Bob wasn't so sure. He knew the girls were disappointed that it was a boy and he knew how they felt. He recalled feeling the same way with when he and his brother were kids and Ellen was born: they'd wanted a brother, but gotten a sister.


	16. Mothers, Sons and Grandmothers

Chapter 16- Mothers, Sons and Grandmothers

"Whose Grandpa's favorite girl?"

"I am." Meghan giggled. She liked being the definitive favorite.

"That's right!" Junior Harrison began to laugh, sweeping Meghan into his arms as she burst into a fit of giggles. Aggie, was at this time, gathering Bridget and Molly into her arms.

"Daddy?!" Emily cautioned. "She's got three little sisters. It's mean of you to pick a favorite."

"Oh Emily, you know I just do it because this one looks so much like her Mommy!" He exclaimed, pulling his daughter into the hug as well.

Emily laughed as Junior kissed her temple. He was ecstatic to see her. Ever since he found out that Emily might not make it through the birth of this baby, he'd been afraid he wouldn't see her again. Now he found that he didn't want to stop hugging her.

"That's right; she's got three little sisters, and a brother. Where is the little guy, I wanna see him?"

Junior had been overzealous in seeing all of his grandchildren when they were newborns. He thought it was especially the case with this one. He'd been waiting for a boy for a long time. First, he'd become the father of three girls, much like Bob had. After realizing he'd never have a son of his own, he became content with the idea that perhaps he'd one day have a grandson. His oldest daughter Annie had three girls, his youngest Amy was single and had no children…then finally, Emily's fifth was a boy…it was a long time in waiting and he was more than anxious to meet this baby.

"He's sleeping Daddy." Emily told him, her voice interrupted by the sound of a baby beginning to scream.

"See there he is, I'll come with you…"

"Alright, but I don't even know if that's even Robbie. It might be Lauren; it's really anybody's guess."

Emily allowed her parents to follow her back up the stairs, carrying the girls along with them. Emily was still trying to assess which baby was crying and didn't know how to say that she didn't want an audience if it was Lauren. She was sure that her parents, much like Bob's parents, wouldn't understand the reality of Lauren's condition, which had deteriorated greatly in the few days since Robbie was born.

"Oh Lauren! Lauren! Shu sweetheart it's not that bad, shu Mommy's here, it's not so bad." Emily soothed as she lifted a screaming Lauren into her arms and began to cradle her.

"E-Emily why are her fingers purple?" A moment ago, Junior's sole goal had been the idea of meeting his new grandson, but now that he was seeing this, concern for his baby granddaughter surpassed the pressing desire to meet her newborn brother.

"Because she's a really sick baby Daddy." Emily said, burying her face in Lauren's as she began to quiet down.

"I-if there's anything I can do to help..."

"Well, if you and Mom were serious about staying in the den…maybe you could stay up a night with her just so Bob and I can get some sleep."

"What about Robbie doesn't he…"

"No, no. Robbie sleeps pretty well through most of the night, he wakes up to feed twice and nods off again; but Lauren. Lauren keeps us up."

"E-Emily we had no idea." Aggie was upset, still holding Bridget in her arms. "I thought she'd gotten better and…"

"So did we." Emily sighed, kissing Lauren. "She's gotten a lot worse since Robbie was born; she's not the same baby."

Lauren was content to be held in her Mom's arms. She looked up at these strange people who were holding her big sisters and Emily knew instantaneously that she was scared.

"Honey, this is Grandma and Grandpa…they're Mommy's Mommy and Daddy, they haven't seen you since you were really tiny I don't think you remember them."

"Wow she looks like Bob." Junior commented.

"Yeah, she's definitely got a lot of her Daddy in her." Emily agreed. Lauren did look like Bob, there was no getting around it.

….

"Awe he's so cute." Aggie Harrison fawned.

"He looks just like his father." Martha Hartley attempted to argue. The baby did not resemble his father all that much. If anything, his dark brown hair would make you think that he looked like his mother, at least at first glance. Aggie knew this but elected to say nothing.

"If he's just like his father, you should've named him Lucifer." Bob's father insisted jokingly, he'd been claiming this was the name he'd chosen for his own son for many years.

"See, I told you one day there'd be a Grandson, didn't I Bob?" Junior asked his son-in-law, patting him on the back just once, but still a little too harshly for Bob's taste.

Bob jumped but Junior didn't notice. Instead, he and Emily exchanged glances. They were overwhelmed. They'd shown off all of their newborn babies to their parents in this same fashion, but this particular meeting was the worst. The four grandparents, with the exception of Aggie and Herb (sort of), were acting self-consumed in admiration of their new grandchild. And worse, Bob and Emily didn't like the way they were all fawning over Robbie and almost completely ignoring the girls. All four had gone to bed without even saying goodnight to their visiting grandparents. Emily was disappointed in her father for acting this way now, especially after how loving he'd been toward the girls that morning.

"Look he's waking up!" Martha exclaimed. Emily was exhausted and looked on horrified, hoping that he wasn't really about to wake up.

Until now, newborn Robbie had been fast asleep in his bassinet. He'd awoken to hear the sounds of his grandparents loudly fussing over him and listened carefully to their voices. He blinked, barely opening his tiny new eyes, he fussed, not liking the amount of light and noise in the room, but then turned his head and subcomed to sleep again. He was too tired to fuss or cry. Emily sighed with relief, happy that he'd fallen asleep. Just as he was too tired to cry, she was too tired to tend to the crying.

"Oh he's so adorable!" Martha continued.

Emily wanted badly to say, 'Yes, but please don't wake him up!'

"There you are Molly munchkin." Bob whispered, smiling at Molly as she climbed onto his lap.

Bob was bored with the four very different personalities who were fawning over his newborn and happy to instead indulge in time with Molly. Molly didn't know what to think of having all her Grandparents there and together, but she knew she was a little nervous about it. Molly stuck her fingers in her mouth and rested her head against her Dad's chest, deciding it was best to just watch rather than try to say anything.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing up?" Emily asked, "We have preschool to get ready for and we need our sleep." She reminded. Molly's presence was actually a welcome distraction for her too.

"Oh!" Molly remembered.

"Oh is right my little love."

"That means its time for bed." Bob kissed her cheek.

"Because you want to be awake for your first day of preschool in a couple of days, right sweetheart?" Emily asked, taking the three year old from her husband.

Bob, Emily and Molly snuck off quietly, leaving the senior Hartley's and Harrisons to fawn over baby Robbie and bicker with each other. Emily also figured that if the baby cried and she was upstairs Martha would put him back to sleep and she wouldn't have to.

"So what, he's a boy, what's the difference?" Bob asked once they'd tucked Molly in and shut her door. Emily giggled.

"Bob. I think you know what the difference is."

"Yeah but Emily, you know what I mean-I." He sighed. "Look. I-when we had Lauren I was really upset that she wasn't going to be a boy."

"There's some news I'm surprised to hear. I had no idea…" Emily was being sarcastic.

"Emily I just…look I-I'm watching this and I'm-I'm realizing how wrong I was, how much I love my girls and how mad I am that none of those four could bother to spend some time with them while they were here tonight." Emily smiled suddenly at this and kissed his cheek. He wasn't totally right, it was mostly his mother ignoring the girls.

"I was surprised when you really started wanting a boy, you used to tell me you loved being the father of girls. You wanted Molly to be one." She reminded.

"Well I do. And I love my son too, but they're being ridiculous, especially my Mother, you'd think Robbie was a king."

"Ryan and Zach got treated that way, remember?" Emily said, walking into Robbie's room as Bob followed.

She was thinking that there was a degree to which Martha still treated Bob this way, like he was too special for words, and even though he ignored it, it was still annoying.

"Y-yeah, and now that Robbie's here..."

The two didn't finish the discussion because the idea made them sad. Ryan and Zach had been the one thing Ellen had ever been able to offer that brought her closer to her mother and seemed to give her more value. Bob and Emily were distraught that their son's own birth seemed to have disrupted this for Ellen and the twins.

"You know, on top of it all, I hate the way she treats Lauren." Emily began as she started folding laundry she'd just done. "It's almost like she hates Lauren."

"Emily she doesn't…"

"Oh come on. She didn't come to see her when we did this last time."

Every time they had a baby, they had all their parents over at once to meet her, last time, when it was Lauren's turn, Martha had just not shown up.

"Your father did. My parents did, all the way from Seattle. But she didn't. She couldn't be bothered to drive barely across town…To see a sick grandchild." Bob sighed, not able to deny that she was right. "And then when she is around Lauren she ignores her or repeatedly tries to deny that what's wrong is wrong."

"Emily I don't know why she does it I mean, I'm her favorite child or so she says, and Lauren's very, very obviously my little girl."

"I think, Bob, that she doesn't like girls…"

"Well she has a favoritism issue Emily, that's obvious, we've been through that."

"And I think she doesn't like sick babies."

"Y-you think she's prejudice against Lauren because of the heart defect?" Bob stopped, for a moment, this was hard for him to believe, but upon further consideration, what else could it possibly be?

"Oh Lauren's up again!" Emily sighed when they heard their daughter begin to cry. She and Bob went back into Molly's room, with a heavy heart, to get the baby.

Lauren's condition had changed significantly in the few days since her brother had been home from the hospital and it had made life hell. Bob and Emily had thought that she'd made significant progress, that she was healing…she'd been sleeping through the night, growing properly and was generally not so sick since spring. But now, Bob noted, with a heavy heart, that Lauren's condition was deteriorating. She was back to screaming in the night, turning shades of purple and blue and not eating nearly as well. Bob and Emily didn't know what to make of this development, they were overwhelmed by having both a brand new baby and another very sick one.

"Oh sweetheart." Emily looked on concerned as she picked Lauren up.

"Sweetheart is she…."

"Honey, I can't tell yet. It's pretty dark in here." Bob followed Emily as she rushed back to Robbie's nursery and lay her on the changing table. Every time Lauren cried in this specific way, Bob and Emily tried to get a good look at her feet, arms, legs and hands, which they couldn't do in a room where Molly was fast asleep.

"Oh sweetheart. Look at your little feet!" Bob noticed the tearful inclination of Emily's voice before he saw his baby's feet.

It wasn't the worst color he'd ever seen her turn to, but it was heartbreaking to see her backtrack like this, it scared him.

"What about her hands?" He asked, taking Lauren's tiny hand in his own and prying her clenched fist open to see her fingers, something that only made her cry louder. Emily noted that her fingers were tinted purple as well. Tearful, she leaned down and gave her baby a kiss on the forehead.

"I'll get the medicine, okay?" Bob said, carefully massaging Emily's shoulders. Emily nodded as she began to cry softly. She hated seeing Lauren this way. She gathered the baby in her arms when Bob left and sat in the rocking chair with her.

"Oh my sweetheart." She began, getting Lauren's crying down from sobbing to fussing, she continued only when she knew for sure that Lauren could hear her. "I love you so much and I wanted you so much, and I'm so sorry you suffer. I know you do…and I'm sorry, I don't know why it has to be this way. But I do know one thing, and that is Mommy wishes so much she could trade places with you. That she could take your pain and fear away…" Emily stopped, noticing that the way she cradled Lauren seemed to comfort her. Emily was heartsick, why in the world should her beautiful, tiny baby have to suffer like this? Lauren began to fuss when her mother's voice stopped. "Shu, shu baby it'll all be alright. It'll be okay. Mommy promises." Emily soothed. "Mommy's sorry honey…for, for whatever it is that she did to you when you were growing inside of her." Emily secretly blamed Lauren's condition on herself. She had four other children all of whom were perfectly healthy and she wondered what she'd done to make this one different. Emily lye her head against Lauren's and continued to cry.

Meanwhile Bob was upset and had hurried downstairs to get Lauren's medicine. He hated doing this, medicating her three or four times a day. It was a vicious cycle that never seemed to have an end and he wondered, now that she seemed to be getting sicker, if the medicine was beginning to not work as well. If that were the case, perhaps she was never really getting better in the first place. Perhaps the medicine had just been covering up the symptoms before. That idea terrified him. Bob was surprised and a little annoyed to find his mother in the kitchen when he had to get back up the stairs quickly.

"Oh, hello Sonny, Robbie's hungry, I was looking for a bottle but do you think that Emily could possibly…"

"Emily and I are busy right now Mom, if he's hungry, the bottles are in that cabinet and the formula in that one." He didn't look up at her, instead he'd quickly gone to work preparing Lauren's medicine.

"Oh but Sonny, remember what the doctor said, that he was early and little and Emily should really nurse him…"

"Mom, yes, he was a few weeks early but he's not that little, he's six and a half pounds. And Lauren's not doing well, I think Emily's nursing her now. Robbie's fine, he can have the formula. He'll eat anything, he doesn't care." Again, Bob didn't look up at her and concentrated on what he was doing, focusing on getting the dosage of Lauren's medicine just right.

"But Sonny he's a four day old baby and she's…"

"Mom, I know. But, she's sick and cranky and very purple. So for now, he's just going to have to be bottle fed."

"But Sonny, he…" Martha stopped when Bob left the room without saying another word. She sighed, deciding she'd have to talk to him about his treatment of Robbie.

Bob quickly made his way back upstairs, putting his mother out of his thoughts so he could focus almost coldly on the task at hand. He had to put emotion out of his mind when Lauren got real bad off and do whatever was needed to care for her. He didn't necessarily like this and it wasn't easy to do but he'd learned it was important quickly: like as soon as the night she was born.

"Awe sweetheart Daddy's coming, Daddy's coming." He heard Emily soothe. Bob's heart dropped into his stomach when it became evident to him that both Emily and Lauren were crying.

"Oh Bob." Emily said, hugging Lauren tightly. She didn't look up at him as he reentered the room. "Bob, this is bad…she's real bad off honey."

…..

A few days later, Bob and Emily went to Martha's house, just to get a break for the afternoon and some help with Robbie. Martha Hartley was absolutely ecstatic that this last grandchild, from Bob and Emily, was a boy, and particularly that he was Bob and Emily's little boy. Now, Emily was in the uncomfortable position of being stuck alone in the kitchen with Martha. She was feeding Lauren and Martha was feeding Robbie.

"Oh Emily, he's beautiful!" Martha complimented.

She gazed down adoringly at the newborn boy and Emily held Lauren close. Emily understood Martha's affection for her new grandson, but was still offended by her virtually ignoring Lauren. Even Lauren sort of felt this way about Martha's attitude.

The ten-month-old girl wondered why her Grandmother had never expressed much interest in her. She'd do things with the much bigger girls and the twins, never wanted to let go of newborn Robbie, but Lauren noted she was always being cradled lovingly by her mother, or her father, sometimes even Grandpa, or Howard and Ellen, but never ever by Grandma Martha. Lauren, by the way, didn't understand who or what her newborn brother was. Being a baby herself, she didn't really comprehend that he was her mother's newer child.

Emily kissed the side of her daughter's head gently, sensing that she felt left out, and determined that she'd never feel left out when she was there. Now that Robbie was born, Emily had something else she was nervous about to turn her attention to and prepare for: Lauren's cardiologist appointment. The appointment was wedged precariously between the baby's first birthday and Thanksgiving and boy was she ever nervous about it. Bob was coming along of course and was dreading it too.

"Lauren what a strong girl you are sweetheart." Emily praised as Lauren ate her bottle. Emily could tell by the way Lauren gazed up at her, that she relished the praise.

"Oh Emily she's ten-months. Most ten month olds can eat that fast. In fact, most ten month olds are eating baby food." Martha didn't understand why this one wasn't yet, at least not as much as she should be. "Now if Robbie had eaten that fast, then I…"

"Martha." Emily no longer called Martha 'Mom.' "He eats faster than she does. He did the first time I fed him in the hospital. In fact, I think he'd eat anything…Don't you realize she's got problems?" Emily inquired, holding Lauren tight as she continued to suckle. Since Lauren had gotten worse, she'd backtracked and had been eating less in addition to everything else.

"Oh that little heart thing Emily. They said she'd be fine."

Emily looked down at Lauren.

"W-we don't know that Martha! And we won't! Not all the way for two more months!" Emily cried, Lauren sighed and lifted her head up to try to get the bottle back in her mouth after her Mom had lifted it away. "There you go sweetheart. There you go, I'm glad you're so hungry." Lauren gripped her mother's fingers with her fist, letting her know how much she loved her.

Emily, got up and made her way into the living room as Lauren suckled. Her father-in-law was on a fishing trip as always and Bob was alone with the girls in the living room. Presently, he was on the floor lifting Molly high into the air. She giggled a mile a minute.

"Daddy can you toss me higher?" Molly asked.

"No sweetheart." He brought her down, setting her on his chest as he kissed her cheek. "I think we're just about done with flying in the air today anyway."

Molly was disappointed, but neglected to think about the fact that Meghan and Bridget, who were much heavier than she, had also spent a considerable amount of time being held up in the air by their Dad.

"Girls I promise we'll do something else that's fun when we get home."

"Bob." Emily began. "I wanna go home. Soon."

"Why Emily, what's up? You feeling ok?" He inquired. She'd had a baby not quite a week before and he was concerned with her recovery.

"Well honey. It's your Mom…"

"Is she ignoring Lauren, again?" He asked, brushing the baby's head with his hand.

"Yeah Bob. And it-it makes me uncomfortable."

"Me too. Look we'll go when she finishes…hey," he smiled, "since when does she eat that fast?" He asked.

"I guess since today." Lauren had never been a fast eater, but this week she'd been particularly slow. This was the fastest she'd had her bottle in a long time.

"Lauren that's wonderful you're doing a great job sweetheart. Here Emily, let me take her, huh? I'm going to go make a point."

"Okay Bob." Emily sighed.

"Hey Lauren baby, how's the bottle, you almost full honey?"

"Oh hello Sonny." Martha greeted when she saw her son walk back into the kitchen with Lauren in his arms.

"Hi Mom." He sat down in the chair where Emily had been and continued to feed his baby daughter. "D-don't you think she, she looks like me?" He inquired carefully. Lauren did look like him, especially in that moment. Bob couldn't understand how she didn't like the child that most resembled him, her favorite child.

"Maybe a little Sonny." Martha considered. Bob shrugged. The nurses in the hospital thought that Lauren looked a lot like him. So did everyone else including his Dad. He didn't know how she couldn't see that.

"I think she-she's gotten the most from me." He smiled.

"And from me, I'm afraid."

"What?" Bob was confused. Martha sighed.

"Sonny. I too had this condition when I was small. I think I gave it to her. I didn't want to tell Emily that for now. She hates me enough as it is. Please keep it to yourself."

"So you don't hate Lauren?"

"No! I merely feel guilty Sonny. I'm sorry. I'm afraid if something happens to that little baby then it's my fault. I never imagined in a million years that I could pass that down. My hole closed up a long time before you were ever even born. Before I ever grew up myself…I…I didn't ever consider that I could pass it down, not until she was born with it. And then I realized she got it from me."

"Wait…what? You had this?" Bob was confused, but slightly encouraged. She'd been just like Lauren as an infant, and yet was here to be Lauren's grandmother. "Oh Mom. Mom you need to tell Emily."

"Sonny why?"

"She thinks you hate our daughter. That's why. And that whole being mad at her for having a girl thing didn't exactly help either."

"I know. I'm ashamed and I'm sorry."

"Why do you think you're not seeing so much of Ryan and Zach?"

"Sonny I don't see what's so wrong with my having wanted for you to have a son too…"

"Sure, but, it's wrong to ignore your other Grandchildren because you love one so much."

"Who've I been ignoring?"

"Well…Lauren, the twins, the girls when the twins were born, and Richard's kids when the girls were born." Bob wasn't afraid to point out this specific pattern to his mother. Richard, by the way, was Bob's younger brother, his kids were much older than his own. "A-and Ellen, when she was much, much younger and Richard's kids were born…"

Funny enough; Bob thought back and realized that he and his brother had not been ignored in this way when Ellen was born…there was something wrong with that. He looked down at his youngest daughter and could easily see what she had in common with her Aunt Ellen: perhaps that's what bothered her Grandmother. Martha was speechless for a moment. Bob couldn't tell what was happening: was she angry about what he'd said or was she actually thinking about it?

"Sonny do you…do you think Emily would have me around to help…if I apologized." Martha felt guilty and knew she needed to help.

"Maybe if you explained Mom. Mom f-for months now, since, since she was born they've been telling us that this was absolutely inherited and we've told them over and over again we had no idea where she got it from…" Martha began to cry as he said this. "M-Mom don't cry."

"Oh Sonny I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"I-it's alright. Just tell Lauren and Emily that. And besides, you didn't mean to pass this on it's not your fault."

"It terrified me so much because I realized I could've passed it on to you." She sniffled. "That's why I was so upset when you told me you were expecting her."

"Y-you knew then?"

"I found out around the time Zach and Ryan were born and then I was just terrified. I had no idea I could pass it down, I…I thought you and Emily were done having babies and when I found out you weren't it just scared me and…and if you have another or if Ellen does then…"

"Oh Mom. Mom it's okay. It's okay." He soothed, hugging his Mom as she began to cry again.

One simple thought ran through Bob's mind now: grandchildren. With five kids, odds were, he'd someday have at least a few grandchildren, if not quite a few…what were their chances of ending up with this inherited condition?

"Sonny please forgive me." She begged tearfully.

"Oh Mom, Mom its okay, it's going to be okay."


End file.
